concerned

[annabella34]

Hi,

I already posted this on another board, but i think this one is more the right place lol, im new to this!

I am a step-mum to a 2 1/2 year old girl, she stays with her dad and me 3 days a week.

She has always been a happy and carefree child, but recently i have noticed a change in her behaviour and it is worrying.

She was with us for the day yesterday, and the first thing she said when we picked her up was "my mummy hits me"

She has said this before, and her dad brought it up with her mum, but it was put down to her making things up, or getting confused.

I do know that her mum has been getting into trouble a lot over the past few months, with drinking and fighting, so much so that the police have been called to her place on several occasions, but nothing has been taken any further.

I couldnt see any visible bruises or marks on her, but she kept saying, without any sort of prompting, "my mummy hits me", and while she was with me and her dad, she was happy and laughing and playing right up until the moment we pulled up outside her mums place, when she started whinging and crying.

Also, i have noticed that if we are out and she hears a loud noise, for example people talking loudly in the street, she freezes and covers her ears.

Her dad is also concerned, and the first time she said what she has been saying, he asked her mum whats been going on, but didnt get very far without her causing a massive row.

As she is not my daughter biologically, I dont really know what to do or how to go about it. I love her as though she were my own daughter though, and i find it very upsetting and worrying to see her behaving like this, and really think something needs to be done sooner rather than later.

I dont have any other children of my own, so this kind of thing is fairly new to me, problems like this.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks

Anna

[StardustBikini]

If the police have been called to the address while your DSD has been there, then the details would have been passed on to the local Chidrens Services/Social Services Dept. (Assuming you are in England, anyway). Repeated reports, or concerns raised by other professionals in your DSD life will add to the "file" and make it more likely that there will be some sort of intervention.

Does your DSD attend a pre-school or childminder? I suggest your DP raises his concerns with them, as a starting point, along with the family GP or health visitor. The more people who know about the concerns, the more chance there is of the truth being established and the right care and support being put in place.

That said, it must be led by your DP - if you get equally involved, it may well come across as interfering, rather than concerned. If your DP won't do anything (some dads won't, for fear of losing contact or upsetting their ex), then I suggest you report anonymously to the NSPCC.

[Maroonie]

Speak to nspcc and parent line who can advise you.
Definitely record and report everything.
The longer it goes on the more damage could be done and the effects will be harder to reverse

[hokeycokeyyy]

When I first started reading this I thought 'oh yeah they say things like that at that age'. My DS went through a stage of saying that me, my DH (his DSD) , his Dad and his gf hit him at around 2&1/2-3ish. None of us have ever hit him.

However, the other things that you say are concerning. The fact that she's getting police coming round, the fact that she starts a row about it when questions by your DP. Plus her reaction to noises and going home.

What's your DP's gut feeling? Was he in a relationship with her? Does he think it's something she would do?

[wheresthelight]

I think based in the issues you describe your dp needs to refuse to return his dd to her mother's care and contact the police and social services and tell them why.

the poor child sounds incredibly traumatised by something and her reaction to the noises etc is anything but normal.