Oh more drama from DSD mother

[FreeSpirit89]

Well DSD (7) is here with strict instructions from her mother. We must do something with her instead of letting her play with her toys. And she must not 'babysit' my DS (4).

I'm livid, she is a naughty spiteful girl at the best of times. She sulks and doesn't play in the games we do for them, then goes home and moans at her mother.

DF is saying he will take DSD out as we can't afford for all of us to go. When did we become second rate people in our own home.

It's gonna be a long five days.

[Fragglewump]

Poor girl "naughty spiteful girl at the best of times". Being a dsm is tough - maybe you should give up. Her df sounds quite devisive himself. Sounds like a rubbish situation all round. What can you do to improve it?

[DiaDuit]

Who relayed the instructions to you? Was it her mum or DSD herself? Just wondering if DSD might be fibbing?

[DiaDuit]

Also, no matter who told you the instructions it sound like DSD feels she is being left to watch her brother too much? Not suggesting she is being left but that she clearly feels this way for some reason. Is there any truth in it or could you guess why she might think she has been babysitting him?

[MrsMinton]

Can you all go out to a park or free museum instead? What about junk models or making bubble liquid or a cheap/free craft activity for both children at home? I know it must be horrid being told how you have to entertain her but I would try and make DF involve everyone as that's what you are, a family.

[Fragglewump]

Is your partner your ds dad? It all sounds very sad and unhealthy - it's sad that you dislike a little girl of 7 so much. How long have you and your partner been together?

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

I actually think some time with her Dad might be just what this little girl needs. That doesn't make you 'second class', as I assume your sd lives with his father so has the benefit of his one to one attention most of the time.
Perhaps she is 'spiteful' because she knows she is unwelcome and you don't like her? It jumps out of your post at me, so she must have an idea .

[NickiFury]

"She's a naughty spiteful girl at the best of times".

Really? In what way? What kinds of things does she do? Because that's quite damning about a 7 year old. I've a 7 year old dd and she's quite highly strung in certain situations where she feels out of her comfort zone. However I would never label her a "naughty, spiteful" child even though some of what she does could be seen that way.

It doesn't sound like you are very loving towards her.

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

Sorry, I assume your ds lives with you...

[DiaDuit]

Yes, maybe DF thinks one on one time is needed for SDS and him.

But i agree you shouldnt need to spend money to gonout together as a family. Loads of things to do for free so if budget is his reason for going out without you and DS then he's not being very imaginative.

[Softlysoftlycatchymonkey]

Naughty spiteful seven year old? Charming

Maybe she does need to get out the house more.

[DiaDuit]

If it is actually the DM trying to control needa

It could be the SDd fibbing in order to get to do what she wants. Her mum might have said nothing of the sort.

[Softlysoftlycatchymonkey]

By the way it costs nothing to go for a walk or to the local park. Look up cheap activities to do for children and get some ideas.

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

It's not divisive! His son lives with him, and benefits from his time and attention all the time
Why can't he take his daughter out alone? Sounds like she might need the time with Dad if she is demonstrating attention seeking behaviours.

Surely most parents spend time with only one of their children occasionally?

[DiaDuit]

I dont think/know if the DS is the DF's son or not.

[DiaDuit]

I dont get time out of the house with only one of my dcs. I'm a single parent so it would involve either asking someone to sit in with the other or taking the other to someone to be watched and it would create merry hell if i did that and explained that the other and me were heading off for a day out. The 5 year old especially would not get the hang of the idea that they eould each get time with me. He would want every day out to include him. Which i think is perfectly undertandable.

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

It doesn't make a difference if he is or not. There is a little girl here who would clearly benefit from some quality time with her Dad.
OP can take the other child out...I'm as poor as a church mouse until payday on Friday, but dd and I are taking the bus somewhere nice and going for a walk and a picnic.

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

I understand that it is far more difficult as a single parent.
But the OP is not.

[Fragglewump]

Just to clarify Harlem - I said df was devisive because it's only his dd who gets money spent on her - I agree most parents do spend time with each child individually - IMO it's spending time which is more important than spending money in a child. Go to a park with a picnic - all of you or a free museum or gallery?

[NickiFury]

I'm a single parent too but I still do stuff individually with my children. Eg dd might be at a friends so ds and I will head to the cinema to see something she can't. I think it's quite an important thing to do, I see different things in my children when I am with them individually.

[wheresthelight]

I work with 7 year old and they cam be incredibly spiteful and nasty! and if this was a mother not a step mother no one would be having a go at her for not loving the child or accusing her of making the child feel unwanted.

OP I have a step daughter slightly older than yours but she was about her age when I first met her. she can be a bloody nightmare most of the time and an absolute angel at others like all kids.

I agree with you that her df taking her out is not a sensible option. can he do a 121 craft or puzzle at home with her?

could you make some diy pamper treatments and you amd her have a bit of a pamper day while dh looks after ds? if you Google it there are loads.

what about baking?

you definitely need to look at why she thinks she is left babysitting ds - i frequently ask my dsc's to watch dd while I am cooking or nipping for a wee etc but never for long.

good luck

[FlossyMoo]

Hi OP

Being a SP is hard, frustrating and at times thankless.
What kind of things is your DSD doing to cause you to call her naughty and spiteful?
Don't get me wrong children can just be naughty sometimes but I wonder if their is something else going on for you to have this view of her.

In regards to babysitting her brother is this her watching him for periods of time while your out of the room or you encouraging her to play with him and she doesn't want to?

The 5 days will seem longer and harder if you set yourself up for a bad time OP.

[MoreCrackThanHarlem]

If money is the issue, Fragglewump, I absolutely agree. Loads of ideas for free days out online.

Do you never take out ds and spend money when dsd is with her mother, though? Or would you think this was unfair? I'm sure it would all balance out in the end.

[Fragglewump]

Harlem -are you in a blended family? As someone with dsc's and dcs - I have found that for some reason blended families are much more volatile and trickier to navigate as everyone feels the right to comment/interfere/demand and lots of complicated dynamics play out. It's very tricky. Op you have my sympathy but you need to sort out your feelings about your dsd as they are currently quite damaging.