DP is an idiot.(25 Posts)
I agree with you, if times are tough they are tough for everyone. fair enough if you had no food in at all but that reads like you can all stay here and have whatever is in and deal with being short of money but she isnt doing. how unfair on everyone else in the house.
Initially, I was fully in agreement with you - but thinking back, I may have been guilty of doing what your DP is proposing.
Winter before last, we were absolutely broke and couldn't afford to efficiently heat our (stupidly old, drafty) house. It was a very cold winter, for weeks at a time and We were wearing hats and gloves in bed just to keep warm. It was freezing - surveyors who came round at the time were horrified.
I swallowed my pride and asked DDs dad if she could spend a few extra days with him. I'm now wondering if that was the right thing to do
I would of done the same in your position wakey as heating is different and could make people ill/is actually uncomfortable to be cold that seems a sensible reason but just because she won't like the meals or get any treat stuff? then I wouldnt.
If he is worried about 'depriving' your SD he should be worried about 'depriving' your DSs too.
I totally agree - either she's a member of the family or she's not. And your DP would no doubt be appalled if you suggested she wasn't.
That should mean taking the rough with the smooth. Why is one child considered so bloody precious that she can't possibly share the same meals as everyone else ? It's not that anyone's going to starve is it - more a question of no unnecessary treats, and (wow) a whole week (not a lifetime) of perfectly acceptable food (the sort which is run of the mill for many families anyway) like spag bol, jacket potatoes & cheesy beans, homemade soup maybe, egg and chips, cheap chicken bulked out with lots of cheap veg and so on. It's not an emergency situation and nothing like the sort of heating scenario Wakey described.
I'd feel a bit more sympathetic if your DP was also asking what could be "done" for the other children as well. It'd still be over the top and ridiculous IMO but at least he wouldn't be differentiating between them. I actually think his attitude is pretty disgraceful TBH, and in your shoes I'd feel very hurt he showed such unnecessary "concern" for SD but not for your kids. Not that there's anything to be concerned about in the true sense of the word anyway!
I sympathise with you ..... money's tight here too, but don't put yourself down and use language like "crappy tea" because for a week meals should be do-able and fine, just maybe a little boring and repetitive. To send SD away also reinforces that she's "extra special" if she got wind of why (in her dad's opinion) she's going to her nan's - which is hardly conducive to family harmony is it. He needs a rocket up his bum.
I think I've created that problem here catsmother. dp usually cooks and we have just found out that his income is going to reduce pretty largely and the kids are so used to (ds and ss and sd) having things they choose that they will see the new changes as a punishment when they aren't they are just what needs to be done financially. sorry hijacked thread a bit there just wanted to say I knew where you coming from pegging stuff as "crappy teas because we have too" has made everyone hate every meal that goes out before they have even sat down
do you think sd will stay? or will dp insist
hope the week goes okay, it is grim being short of money but I definitely don't agree that one person should dip out of it just because it won't be as fun/treat based
Surely best outcome would be to ask granny to take/feed all 3 children for 1 day - so that your £50 stretches a little further - rather than one child for 3 days?
I really hope your kids don't see your change in circumstances as some sort of punishment Supermario (don't know how old they are?) because it's just life isn't it .... and there are loads of families whose eating habits have changed considerably in the last few years due to rocketing food prices and stagnant wages. I know we used to eat a lot "better" in as much that we ate a greater variety of stuff because I could afford to experiment more and chop and change meals on a whim. Now, my food shopping and cooking involves a lot more planning - rather than just going into a shop and picking what I fancy - and it's all a lot more time consuming, and frustrating for that reason because the extra work falls on me as DP can't cook (okay, I think following simple recipes isn't that hard, but he'd be incapable of using his imagination on a budget). However, I don't think we eat that badly (at least we don't yet) just differently .... and by trying to always remember to check "bargain corner" in the supermarket, and buying treats in Poundland or Home Bargains etc it's not all "crappy". There's quite a few threads on here about cooking on a budget with some really nice suggestions that are tasty and cheap. Also a lot of home baking is fairly cheap and easy to do - like fairy cakes, flapjacks (which can be jazzed up with nuts, sultanas, choc chips whatever), shortbread and so on which not only provide treats but most kids (depending on age) like to help with.
And at the end of the day, as chief cook if any of my family whinged and moaned about what they were served they'd get very short shrift. I'd love to have any sort of meal served up to me on a regular basis - being cooked for is a treat in itself though I appreciate most kids probably don't "get" that. No harm in telling them though!
Are the grandparents your DS's grandparents too? If so I can't see why DSD should go to them and not the boys.
Might be nicer to ask if the grandparents could take all the DC out for the day, rather than pack just one off for a week. Your DP should be able to think of some fun things to do with DSD that don't cost lots of money.
Needa you certainly haven't upset me. It was more I felt you were putting yourself down unnecessarily! Shame on your DP for describing eating on a budget that way though .... maybe if you were eating literally nothing except lentils he might have a point but really he has nothing to complain about and definitely not on behalf on an 8 year old child.
Ahrgh - phone posting on it's own today...
Try again.... My DC would be very happy if I fed them beans on toast or jacket potatoes all week. I don't think most kids mind cheap food.
Even if his mum can't cope with them all day, surely she could have all three for tea one day to help out? I know my mum, who can't cope with a lively DS for too long, would offer to provide tea.
The further along I get in my parenting/Auntying/Childsitting <some words may be totally made up... the more I am inclined to agree with you: the amount of money - or time - I have wasted on "branded" restaurants (when they really wanted the less expensive McDonalds) or fancy meals (when they have actually shouted with glee if I finally offer porridge, jacket potatoes or homemade pizza) makes me shed a self indulgent tear.
I agree with you need by the way. Totally.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.