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I resent my step son.

7 replies

Newmammy13 · 01/08/2014 21:19

Sometimes I really don't like my step son. I don't know what to do, is it possible to continue being in a relationship with my partner? His son is 7 and our daughter is 10 months old

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captainproton · 01/08/2014 21:34

why do you resent him? Is it him you resent or your partner for the way he parents him?

If your partner is a bit of a disney dad and doesn't beleive in discipline or treating all children as equals i can see why you may feel this way.

But it's probably not your step son's fault he is only 7.

Can you tell us more about the problem you are having?

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VerityWaves · 01/08/2014 21:36

What kind of things are happening?

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Newmammy13 · 01/08/2014 21:53

His parenting is completely different from mine, my partner feels guilty for leaving when he was two(seen him every day since and we now have him 50/50 with his mother) but she gives him no discipline, neither does my partner and he's so naughty. I'm the only one who disciplines otherwise he would run riots! Just feel like he's in the way sometimes. (I feel guilty writing it) His mother I don't like either so I think that plays a part in it. And not in jealous way but she's a very sly vindictive person.
Plus my partner is forcing me to do /be the same with him as my daughter. The bond is obviously not the same and I don't feel the urge to be cwtchy, and overly affectionate. I play with him but I feel like I'm more of a parent to him and i don't want that.
He also says things constantly to wind me up or to my daughter. Just snide comments.

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specialmagiclady · 01/08/2014 21:59

It is hard to mix up two families, but by setting boundaries etc you are doing the right thing. Now you have to do the cuddles and Welsh things.

Remember that children do well when they can. If his behaviour is bad it is because something is amiss. It is not his fault. It will probably take ages to get those boundaries enforced but it is worth it.

And as far as the "love" bit, that may come. But could you "fake it til you make it?" If you act loving towards him and praise praise praise the positives, you'll spot them more and start to feel fonder of him.

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Newmammy13 · 01/08/2014 22:03

I'll try the whole fake it and see how it goes. I know it's not his fault just it gets so difficult sometimes. Thank you x

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brdgrl · 01/08/2014 22:10

I think your partner is unwise to ask you to cuddle his son and treat him like your own. You should aim to treat him with kindness and respect - and expect the same in return - but forcing feelings and intimacy will backfire, and it really isn't fair on you or your DSS. It sounds like his (your DP I mean) has unrealistic expectations about what your role should be. Also maybe he is being a bit lazy and relying on you to do things because it is easier for him (I think this is pretty common, sadly!)? Have you discussed how you are feeling with your DP?

There was another thread about this recently, the OP felt that her DP was expecting her to be too "parent-y" with the DSC. It was in the last couple of weeks...maybe have a look, there might be good advice on there too.