DSD's endless effing talk about her mum.(38 Posts)
I am venting. I don't take it personally, it's not malicious or anything other than the (constant) chat if a 10yo girl.
But. She's been here for a week of school hols and just talks endlessly about her mum. Mum loves this song, mum thinks this, mum says that, mum cooks this that way, blah blah blah blah blah.
Anyone else get this? I don't think she should stop but god I hate it. No idea how to respond, and I just don't want a running commentary about DP's ex in my house.
Maybe she misses her mum. Or maybe she wants to include you in her life with her mum.
Fucking hell it's not about you. She's 10.
Maybe she is trying to have small talk with you and they are the only links or things she can think to talk about?
At 10 her social circle won't really leave her full of interesting conversation topics I would have thought...
LOL, my kids do this when my boyfriend comes round, they constantly talk about their dad.
That probably doesn't help you does it - its not malicious, they just feel a little bit insecure I think
Yes we get this all the time, I'm afraid you just have to put up with it. I tend to respond with "hmmm, oh that's nice".
My dcs do this.
"Dad said blah blah" "jane (not real name of dad's partner) doesnt like cats" "dad love this song doesnt he DS2?" "Jane says dad's a wally"
I just smile and nod. It's just chit chat isnt it. Zone out and make the odd 'hmm' sound and she'll be none the wiser.
Yep, since you say it's clearly not intended as anything malicious, just nod and smile. Chit-chat (at ten her world is pretty limited!) and maybe a bit of insecurity.
Oh, I absolutely understand it's just chit chat and like I said, I don't want her to stop - my parents are divorced and I never felt like I could talk about mum in front of dad so I'm glad she doesn't feel restricted.
That doesn't mean two things can't be true though: it's perfectly fine and normal and good for her, and the smiling and nodding gets wearing after a while.
She misses her mum. She´s only 10.
If you can handle it, ask her questions about her mum, encourage her to talk about her mum and she will probably feel closer to you and more comfortable in your company. Also you may get to know your stepdaughter better from the things she chooses to talk about.
DS does this with DP. I think it's a test.
I remember one day whilst at a brunch with (then 14 year old) step daughter and my partner, she began talking to her father about his wedding day to her mum. (She had watched the video of the ceremony when staying with her mum, my partner was the resident parent). Never really felt the same about Eggs Benedict since
It's hard - so you have complete understanding from me.
Thanks for the understanding
From reading these threads, I know we're pretty lucky, compared to a lot of blended families. Everyone's civil and pretty easygoing and DD and I are really close (known her since she was 2), but every now and then a vent just really helps!
and I just don't want a running commentary about DP's ex in my house Then perhaps you should have thought about that before you set up home with a man with children.
You sound quite young yourself. Did it not occur to you that she misses her mum?
My ds used to do this around dh, which me made feel awkward too. Then I realized ds had the right to talk about his dad, so I did at every appropriate opportunity. When it was the two of us, or at least not with dh around so much. There is always something positive worth mentioning, even if its only that dad drives really well...
This has made me more open to listen to stuff dsc spout about their mum! But also here I find if I'm the one asking some inane question about their mum, nothing that could possible be construed as being nosey or provoking, then that's a bit of a safety valve for them <and sometimes they tell you interesting tidbits, too> and stops them feeling the need to "lecture" you.
differentname thank you, but I'm 36. Feeling quite chuffed though, usually I kill threads but instead I've got my very first "you should have thought about that..." Anyone want to know if I was the OW? (I wasn't)
Of course I thought about it all. Most potential step mums do. I knew it would be hard, I knew there would be difficulties that non-step families don't face.
But most step-parents also know that thinking carefully beforehand and doing your best to make it work doesn't stop it from being hard sometimes, and you need a vent!
DSD is great, we are close and I talk to her about everything, including her mum. From her point of view, I agree that it's a positive thing she feels comfortable to talk to me about it.
My DD who's 3 is saying "why?" Every second word at the moment, which is also pretty tiresome. Guess I should have thought about that before I got knocked up though, eh?
I get that a bit sometimes. Best just to pick up the conversation and steer it gently away from their mum if there's other things you'd rather talk about.
Or maybe you can set DSD and DD on each other. DSD can tell DD everything she likes about her DM and your DD can ask Why at everything she says
Runawaysimba - I'm a stepchild and now a SM to 4 (now all grown up) Believe me when I say it's a compliment - your SD is "normalising" things and this talk is part of her acceptance of you and the situation. I know it can be wearing but it means that the channels of communication are open and will be (hopefully) for the forthcoming and difficult teen years. Like you say your own DCs can be equally annoying dependent on their age/personality of whatever - this is just the same. Ten year olds will often chat like this to their friends, teachers, relatives etc... It's part of seeing themselves as part of a family dynamic and then thinking slightly beyond it (something all stepkids have to do more than most) - the fact that you are at the receiving end is a good sign - take it as such and suck up the banality
I agree it's compliment that your DSD feels confident enough to talk about her mum with you.
My DSD who is a similar age completely compartmentalises, she never EVER talks about ANYTHING that goes on in her mothers house.
Be proud your DSD is so open with you.
My dsd age 11 likes to tell me how her mum and I would really get on!! Apparently the talk about me and she would really like me.. She is IMO vile and wouldn't want to spit on her if she was on fire whether she was his ex or not - very big fake smile comes out!
When me and OH first got together she would bring things out of her room and say dads friend such and such got me this meaning girl friends .. She's a little love .. As above bloody irritation but maybe is a test?
I ask all about her mum in chat which seems to shut her down doing it as obviously I don't mind at all ;)
simba I'm 36 as well and I did this to my stepmum - almost like a test i think? And actually, the habit is so engrained that I still do it now a little bit when I see my dad and stepmum.
She was open and encouraging and happy for me to chatter away about everything and I love her fiercely for it, she is an amazing person and the most brilliant Grandma to my 3DC's. She never had kids of her own, and she is a very special part of my and my sisters lives.
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