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What cm covers

(56 Posts)
rosepetalsoup Tue 08-Jul-14 14:49:12

I'm just interested how people do things. The cm your DH pays -- does it cover travel, holidays, clothes, school trips etc, or does he pay more for those things?

Whilewildeisonmine Tue 08-Jul-14 14:56:37

Along with CM DP pays for all school lunches (or makes packed lunches), all sporting activity fees and any kit, boots required etc. and most school trips. He also pays half towards school uniforms, half towards music lessons. Usually his ex will let him know how much he needs to pay and he pays it. DSc also receive pocket money from him.

toni74 Tue 08-Jul-14 14:58:15

Dh pays maintenance but the following are/were additional:
School uniform
Hobbies (school and other)
School Trips

We always paid for holidays that we took them on, but never paid for holidays that mum took them on...though dh would often give spending money.

Kim82 Tue 08-Jul-14 14:59:30

I get maintenance from my ex. He pays £40 a week for 2 kids and refuses to pay a penny extra for anything else they need. I have to send clothes with them when they go to his house and he times the pick ups so he only has to feed them tea one week (pick up 4pm, drop off at 8am the next day and says he didn't have time to give them breakfast...) and just breakfast and tea the next week (pick up at 4pm, brings them home at 11am so he doesn't have to give them dinner).

They get token presents for birthdays and Christmas (max £20 each). He is stingy a hell, he has plenty money he runs his own business and owns 2 houses but he fiddles the books so it looks to the csa as though he hardly earns anything so gets away with paying next to nothing whilst spending a fortune on his holidays, clothes and days out (without the kids..). It winds me up but there's nothing I can do about it.

So, in answer to your question (sorry for the rant) he pays the set amount of £40 a week and never a penny more for anything else, all uniform, shoes, clothes, trips, holidays, etc are paid for by me and dh.

toni74 Tue 08-Jul-14 14:59:49

As whilewilde has said, if h paid for a hobbie eg football, he also paid for the equipment that went with it aswell

TheGirlFromIpanema Tue 08-Jul-14 15:00:29

The cm I receive covers vodka, lipstick, manicures and a big expensive holiday I went on sans dc wink

MirandaWest Tue 08-Jul-14 15:05:53

As a RP I get cm from XH.

He also pays half of DSs residential trip with school (I pay for all others), gives them packed lunch when they are with him on a school night (although DS always has school dinners) - I pay for school dinners. He buys them birthday presents and occasional clothes although I buy all school uniform and maintain their wardrobes. I pay for all extra curricular clubs and music lessons. When I'm away working he pays for half of after school club (not sure whether I should get him to do this but I do virtually school pick ups. If I am away for leisure I pay obviously, or when I'm working here).

So from my perspective child maintenance covers nearly everything and there are some additional costs that a NRP can be rea

MirandaWest Tue 08-Jul-14 15:06:10


Reasonably expected to cover.

rosepetalsoup Tue 08-Jul-14 15:08:19

And, RPs, does the amount seem fair to you?

I am wondering whether to encourage my DH to pay more. He buys all the extras you mention plus holidays and big things like computers, but also their mum doesn't work (never has - her choice) and they do have less money than us - or maybe just worse lifestyle I can't tell (we also have kids).

Anormalfamily Tue 08-Jul-14 15:09:17

We don't live in the UK, but I'd have thought it depended on how much cm was (by national standard) and then take it from there.
My dh doesn't pay cm for dss as he now lives 50:50 with us, his mum gets children's allowance and tax credits, still expects dh to pay for half of whatever she deems necessary. Dh has taken a stand and has demanded he at least be asked first if he agrees on the expenditure (usually her trying to get more money out of him) as dss gets all his needs and many wants taken care of for his stay at our house. In his case though, obviously all extras for school are split.
Dh pays approx £700 @ month for dsd and still pays half of her school expenses on top of that. Both kids get pocket money as well.
Yes, dh has a good wage, but then again, so does exw.
(I earn a lot less than dh, get about half in cm from exh and still manage to support ds and me and all our needs and wants to a pretty high standard. At least we think so, lol).

rosepetalsoup Tue 08-Jul-14 15:11:00

Anormalfamily- do you mean the expense of DD adds up to about £700, or that he still gives that to her mum despite the 50/50 arrangement (if so - wowzers)

MirandaWest Tue 08-Jul-14 15:13:37

Oh I should have said I get tax credits and child benefit blush. Overall I feel the money I get is fair although I eouod like it if XH bought some socks for DS (frequently seems they all end up in his house)

alwaystryingtobeafriend Tue 08-Jul-14 15:14:42

My DP pays maintenance but also contributes to buying school jumpers and pays for his sons football or kit and boots etc. we also do a lot of the pickup : drop offs otherwise he doesn't see the kids.

DP and his ex do their own birthday and Christmas presents and he spends as much as he would if they lived here full time.

We have some clothes here for the kids but she always send clothes and never asks for anything but i would grudge him giving her extra cash for it. It seems that every month she gets money they are out for dinner 3 or 4 times a week.!! Then pleads poverty. I would rather we bought what they need be it coats/ shoes etc than give her money. She seem really careless and lazy. Rather than do a weekly shop and cook at home they live on mcdonalds, pizza hit etc. the money in our opinion should be to contribute to clothes/ food/ bills. He doesn't pay much but it's in line with CSA and we have them 50/50.

This is one thing that annoys me- I'd rather keep the maintenance money an use it for the kids in a good way especially as it's 50/50 care but she has residency! Why when it's joint custody does DP require to pay maintenance?

rosepetalsoup Tue 08-Jul-14 15:14:52

It's good you feel it's fair MirandaW.

PajamaQueen Tue 08-Jul-14 15:19:53

DH pays maintenance, after school activities, half school dinners, uniforms, school trips, shoes and pretty much towards anything when it comes to his children. But ask his ex if that's enough and she'll damn right tell you it isn't. She's of the illusion that he should be paying her maintenance and 100 percent of everything else - as far as she's concerned, in her eyes, at the cost of his other children.

Anormalfamily Tue 08-Jul-14 15:24:08

Rosepetal, dh pays £700 for dsd monthly in cm, if she needs it or not, lol.
I doubt her expenses are that high, even at 17 there is a limit to hair salons, boutiques etc.
But its not as if dsd actually gets that money, she gets a percentage as pocket money. Her mum is high maintenance though!

< I smile to myself when some posters claim to go on holiday with cm, knowing that exw actually does shock >

MisForMumNotMaid Tue 08-Jul-14 15:40:53

We get legal minimum guidelines based on DH's part time earnings when he left 7 years ago. I'm a SAHM (through choice), but DS1 is Autistic so no option of wrap around care and needs extra support throughout the year for physio, occupational therapy, speach and language and all the school meetings/ bad days.

Anormalfamily Tue 08-Jul-14 15:45:19

Exw once wanted something extra for dss and dh pointed out she was getting the children's allowance ( generous in this country) and she said she felt she was entitled to that, I.e. Saw it as her pay for being the boy's mother. I've been especially kind to dss since.

Kaluki Tue 08-Jul-14 16:30:47

I get £300 a month for 2 dc and ex pays half of school trips and half of the uniform, bus passes etc. he also gives them pocket money and buys them separate birthday presents to me.
DP pays £300 a month too for dsc and half of trips but he also has to buy their clothes as ex will not let them bring 'her' clothes to our house!!!

rosepetalsoup Tue 08-Jul-14 16:40:04

And how does that work out Kaluki - do you manage? Nice that you have the same amounts coming in and going out. Might mean all the kids end up similarly brought up?

needaholidaynow Tue 08-Jul-14 16:46:40

DP has always had his daughter 50/50 with his ex, so when she wanted maintenance from him he refused to pay for extras as he saw the maintenance as his contribution for these things. When she stopped the maintenance claim he was fine paying for school trips, uniforms, birthday parties, etc etc... DP is much happier about that as he thought it was very unfair to be paying her maintenance when a 50/50 arrangement was in place and then he was asked to pay for other things on top of that when she didn't have to pay anything to him. She's got a house to run but then so has he and when it is 50/50 any maintenance paid should be for the extras.

frolicsandfiddledeedees Tue 08-Jul-14 16:48:19

I get 2.50 a week for my 11 yr old.

It covers, um, fuck all!

rosepetalsoup Tue 08-Jul-14 16:49:26

Oh dear frolics!

dogfish22 Tue 08-Jul-14 17:05:54

We used to have SD full-time, now DHs Ex has her one night a week. She has never paid a penny. I remember me buying a Brownies sash for SD and claiming her mom bought it as she had promised but couldn't be bothered. Saying I'm peed off doesn't quite cover any of the costs. hmm

rosepetalsoup Tue 08-Jul-14 17:08:42

It is funny how nobody seems to mind when it's the woman evading payments dogfish sad

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