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is the xw rite ? opinions please

(58 Posts)
Fluttercub Thu 26-Jun-14 15:36:58

Dh ex wife has decided that because we are now married I am responsible for getting Xmas birthday and fathers day gifts for her dd's to give to their daddy, am I being daft or should it be her making sure her daughters get their dad cards/gifts I am responsible for making sure my ds does, I am not being mean, but surely if she has done it before we got married then as they are after all her children she should ensure these things are taken care of , without telling the girls its not her job anymore, Dh got nothing off his dd for either his birthday or fathers day and she had said nothing to me prior to it to see if I could get a little something for them which to be fair I would of, he was gutted not even a home made card

nomoretether Thu 26-Jun-14 15:40:46

Not worth getting bothered about IMO. It's nobody's "responsibility" to do it.

VegasIsBest Thu 26-Jun-14 15:47:16

I can see why she wouldn't want to do this. So if you think it's important it's appropriate for you to organise this.

EleanorHandbasket Thu 26-Jun-14 15:48:45

Think about it, why woudl she want to buy her ex husband presents, unless they are on REALLY REALLY good terms?

NOt really the done thing, is it?

purpleroses Thu 26-Jun-14 15:49:00

It's your DSD's job to do that.

If they're too young, or are likely to forget or not bother, AND you think your DP would be hurt and would appreciate a present, then help them get him one. It's not the ex's job, nor yours if you don't want to do it. If no one does it, then it doesn't happen.

But I think it is quite common to help your DCs to remember their other parent's birthdays, Christmas, etc whilst your ex is single, but to assume that their new DW/DH will help them do that once they've got a new partner. It's not an outrageous idea.

Fluttercub Thu 26-Jun-14 16:04:36

They are at times quite friendly and she has for 10 yrs made sure the dd's had a gift for dad and they divorced years ago, I was just curious what others thought tbh as I said if she had said " can you pick up a little something from dd's " I would of it is more the callous way she told dsd when she asked her "its not my job sort it with her" meaning me, I didn't even know she had issue with me, looked after dsd2 for her a few days ago when she was sick before school , everything was fine , then dsd's visited after school yesterday and i find out mum has said this , i am confused

TheMumsRush Thu 26-Jun-14 16:04:47

Is this what her partner/husband does for her? Or does your DH get Mother's Day/birthday cards for her from the dc

MirandaWest Thu 26-Jun-14 16:05:42

How old are the DC?

LadySybilLikesCake Thu 26-Jun-14 16:07:37

Does your DH get anything for her for Mother's Day?

Fluttercub Thu 26-Jun-14 16:07:45

Also because that's what she has always done I never thought to check so will be making sure for Xmas and next year I think because he was quite hurt by it

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Thu 26-Jun-14 16:08:49

Are you fir real? Why should she buy him presents? How old his your dp FFS !

I never bought exdp a present of her - I think his family did.
I got fuck all of him.

Does your dp buy presents for his ex?

Fluttercub Thu 26-Jun-14 16:09:38

They are 11 and 8 and their gran makes sure they get mum gifts cards etc

Standinginline Thu 26-Jun-14 16:09:52

Partner and his ex have been divorced for a few years now and don't always get along but always give money to their children to get the other parent a pressie for Christmas ,fathers /Mother's Day etc....
I do think that getting presents for the step parent though falls on the parent that they're with.
It probably also depends on who they live with ,if they live with you then it may be upto you to do gifts on their behalf ,same as if they live with their mum it's upto get to do it.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Thu 26-Jun-14 16:11:13

Btw I never ever expected anything off dd. Even now when she asks what I want fir Xmas, birthdays I always say 'nothing' .

Her dad however adjs fir expensive aftershave now she is working hmm

TheMumsRush Thu 26-Jun-14 16:11:37

Ok, so if your DH isn't getting her anything then it should fall to you. I do it for my DH, sometime he will get two lost as mum will her some too grin

nomdemere Thu 26-Jun-14 16:12:15

ha - so your DH doesn't make sure that the DDs get their mum presents, but you think SHE should make sure that they give them to him.

Wifework at its best.

MillyONaire Thu 26-Jun-14 16:13:28

I wouldn't think it's your responsibility at all and I would think it is hers to encourage her children to think of these sort of things - just as it is his responsibility to make sure they appreciate their mother on occasions such as mothers day and her birthday.

LadySybilLikesCake Thu 26-Jun-14 16:14:05

I don't think it's gran's job TBH, it's kind of passing the buck if you think about it.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Thu 26-Jun-14 16:23:48

looked after dsd2 for her a few days ago when she was sick before school

You didn't do the mum a bloody favour ! Dsd are your dp responsibility too you know!

alwaystryingtobeafriend Thu 26-Jun-14 16:29:33

My DP gives te kid money to get their mum presents for birthdays and mothers day- she returns it and does the same for his birthday and Father's Day. They also do Christmas presents from the kids. I'd like to think it will continue until kids are old enough to buy their own presents. If she decided I was to do it then if be suggesting to DP that he should stop buying for her too.

Fluttercub Thu 26-Jun-14 16:32:36

Dh was working so he couldn't do it , it was me looking after dsd2 , I never said anything about doing favours nor did I post on here to be sworn at and attacked I was asking how it works for others and for what its worth we pass money to gran for gifts/cards simply because we don't see dsd's around mothers day or mums birthday , if this is how mumsnet works I won't be posting again

LadySybilLikesCake Thu 26-Jun-14 16:34:59

Sworn at? confused Someone's posted that they get 'fuck all' from their ex, but there's no swearing aimed at you as far as I can see. You asked for opinions, and this is what you've got. There's no attacking here.

Fluttercub Thu 26-Jun-14 16:35:47

Thank you to those who actually answered my question though that input is appreciated

alwaystryingtobeafriend Thu 26-Jun-14 16:38:08

Flutter not all users on mums net are bad. I've had a few bad experiences and questioned the advice. I tend to ignore when some one swears at me. There are lots of useful nuggets of advice and you'll find many of us genuinely try to help each other. It's tough being a stepparent and each situation is very unique. Xxx

TheMumsRush Thu 26-Jun-14 16:38:13

You will always get the odd poster that wants to antagonise op, just ignore them (I dowink).

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