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Glorified babysitter rides out of town.......

(84 Posts)
truthwithin Thu 22-May-14 23:56:54

Bit of a megarant pre-story. Sorry.
After 3 yrs together DP has actually listened to my advice & spent time with DSD10 alone. I have created a monster.

DP now considers every access weekend as though the queen were visiting. Dsd10 is NOT allowed to hear the word no, must only be fed whatever she requests, and must always be taken out alone for breakfast,McDonalds, lunch & dinner + desserts & made to be so special, that she can gloat to DD4 & make her cry. DD4 can't understand why she is left out. She has known DP since she was a baby and it's almost as if he ignores her.

If I'm out of house & DSD10 wants DD4's Easter egg. That's OK according to DP as DD4 doesn't eat that much chocolate anyway.

If DSD10 wants to play on DD4's tablet & download inappropriate items; even though I have told her to ask first.....that's fine.

If I have to pay for not only my children but yours to go on holiday, that's great....even though it cost an extra room.

Anyway, happy day...I am going away tomorrow with just Ds15 & Dd4. 4 days of bliss!

DP is pissed off nobody else is invited, esp DSD10. I'm really looking forward to spending time with my own kids.

I do feel kind of bad that DP has no idea what to do with DSD10, I don't really see why I should continue to suggest activities for them, when my own kids are sat at home waiting for them to get back.

Cluffyflump Fri 23-May-14 00:09:54

Do you even want to go home after your break?
I wouldn't.

truthwithin Fri 23-May-14 00:28:08

DP has started guilt tripping DD4 by saying 'Me & DSD10 aren't invited. We can't go on holiday with you' . Absolute bollocks. I don't see why myself & my children should pretend to be satisfied by sitting at home, waiting for them to get back....... Especially when I am the one usually paying for them to go out!

I think. DP may have noticed I haven't immediately transferred funds into his account as; SHOCK HORROR.... He has asked, only because the car is broken & he wants to take DSD10 out! I've had to cut some activities from my itinerary to pay for this.

Looks like my own kids lose again!!!

Step-parenting again....Never.

brdgrl Fri 23-May-14 00:37:51

I'm sorry, truth. That's so rubbish. I totally understand about the feeling when your own child loses out in order that the DSC can have things their way. And I don't hesitate for a second to go away with DD, just the two of us, because she deserves not to miss out on at least a few of the things the DSC have always had taken for granted. We always have a really special time together. I hope your holiday is wonderful.

3littlefrogs Fri 23-May-14 00:41:15

I wouldn't want to be with a partner who behaved like a big child.
Are you happy with him?
Does he enrich your life in any way?

truthwithin Fri 23-May-14 01:06:34

It is almost odd as I have said for ages...You need time by yourselves.

I didn't think DP would take it so literally,as to mean all weekend, especially when we have had hols, days out including all kids!

Came to a head last week when I I booked a hol for myself & my kids. DP pissed off because I haven't factored in him & child.

Tough Shit!

Happybeard Fri 23-May-14 07:36:19

Jesus. Don't ever go back! Overhead your posts before and i think although most of us on here have some grumbles about Disney parenting etc. this is no way normal!!

Much went through the stupid date-your-daughter phase and it used up a lot of his money which meant we couldn't go out unless I paid for everything (so we didn't) but to ask you to give him money to take the stupid horrible brat out?! Insane!!

Have your holiday and get a feel for what life would be like if you left this tosser!!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Fri 23-May-14 08:41:29

Enjoy your holiday and use the time to think about ending this relationship which really doesn't sound all that brilliant for you anyway.

OhBabyLilyMunster Fri 23-May-14 08:44:59

All sounds a waste of time being together if there is a my kids/your kids situation. Surely it should be about one family?

MaryWestmacott Fri 23-May-14 08:49:03

I think it's clear this relationship has run it's course. It's not about DSD, it's about him taking you for granted. He doesn't respect you or your DCs. Even if he didn't have a DD from his previous relationship, his lack of respect or consideration for your feelings would still be there, it just might take a little longer to come to a head.

End it when you get back. He sounds like a selfish man, people are rarely selfish in only one area of their lives.

Lasvegas Fri 23-May-14 13:48:53

I use my own money and take my DD on holiday alone. Or sometimes the three of us go.

In 8 years have only done 3 holidays with the skids. 2 of those times DH paid for all of us. He know I don't find it a real holiday as it always self catering a place where we have to drive and I prefer all inclusive or cruises.

They have different interests to me and DH and DD - eg we ski and snorkel they don't. They often have different holidays to us.

My DH has never made me feel bad about going away and not inviting the Skids. He is lazy though so he wouldn't think to invite them as too much work for him.

wheresthelight Fri 23-May-14 19:53:48

Wow truth definitely don't go back huni!!!! He is a prize twat!

Enjoy your holiday!!

truthwithin Sun 25-May-14 01:45:54

Well. Dd4 & Ds15 have had a great time in the sae air. Unfortunately I can't sleep as easy knowing DP has done things he knows will really grate me. Sounds petty I know....till you live with it

Has slept with Dsd10 in our bed whilst I'm not there, even though I think she is too old and a bit too feely for that.

Has apparently cleared out ToysRus, means I will be subbing him all week as he will be skint.

Has had dog on sofa..sounds trivial till you realise said dig is 10 st and shedding his winter coat. I have to launder all cushions, throws etc.. Then clean out washer & dryer of dog hair before anything else can go in.

DP has also gone to see a film we had planned for each other. I even told Ds15 I would not be taking him.

I've not contacted DP & I think his little Facebook posts may be for my benefit?

Guess I better tell him that my kids want to come back...albeit when the weather is better.

CerealMom Sun 25-May-14 06:38:06

Erm, why will you have to sub him? He's a grown up, if he can't manage his money - tough.

Take DS15 to see the film - have a lovely time.

Sofa - DP has to sort that out.

What are you and DCs getting from your 'relationship' with DP? I've followed your previous posts and honestly you and the DC don't sound happy. What's keeping you there?

saintlyjimjams Sun 25-May-14 06:50:26

Why are you with him? Never mind any step children you & dp sound utterly toxic for each other. You both sound as if you have some sort of tally chart going - I know relationships can descend into resentment & keeping score - but it's no way to live long term. If you can't see it changing surely it's time to leave?

NickiFury Sun 25-May-14 06:51:47

FGS why are you with this man? The resentment burns out of your posts and quite frankly I don't blame you. This is why I would never get involved in a step parenting situation myself (am a lone parent). Just the thought of something like the set up you describe here, mainly never being alone with my own dc and them being my special ones really burns. Why on earth don't you just dump him?

Happybeard referring to a step child as a stupid, horrible brat is absolutely disgusting.

MaryWestmacott Sun 25-May-14 07:18:07

Op, the level of resentment in the house will be damaging for your dcs. When you get back ask him to leave. There's little point dragging this dead relationship out further, all you'll achieve by that is make life hard for your dcs.

QOD Sun 25-May-14 08:36:37

Agree. Walk away

Happybeard Sun 25-May-14 08:40:01

Nickifury - you must not have read the ops previous posts. Although, I believe ops partner and his ex have created a monster out of what could have been a perfectly nice normal child

NickiFury Sun 25-May-14 08:47:31

It's not ok to refer to a child that way, even more so because adults made her that way.

brdgrl Sun 25-May-14 12:44:47

He sounds really awful. What his kids are like doesn't even enter into it, they could be brats or angels, he'd still be a PITA.
I hope you are getting yourself worked around to leaving, you deserve better.

Happybeard Mon 26-May-14 11:22:11

I doubt there's a parent alive who hasn't thought "spoilt brat" about their own kids, and certainly we've all thought it about other people's kids. Seeing as the child won't be reading this, I don't really see the problem.

HecatePropylaea Mon 26-May-14 11:25:00

oh god, stop giving him money! Why do you choose to do that?

NickiFury Mon 26-May-14 16:25:05

But you called her a stupid horrible brat, happybeard NOT a spoilt brat. Wrong to call kids stupid, ever and combined with horrible even worse.

Happybeard Mon 26-May-14 20:21:56

hmm Calm down

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