If DP loses his job where do we stand with maintenance?

[LambCallaway05]

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping those of you who are a little more experienced in this area may be able to give me some advice! I live with DP and he has a DD 4 who stays with us Saturday morning to Sunday evening and one night during the week.

DP started a new job about 6 weeks ago and from what I can gather, things don't appear to be going well. More of a case of him just not being right for the role than any fault on either side. I've been coming to the realisation over the past few days that the likelihood of him not passing his probationary period is ever increasing and we need to start planning for this eventuality.

My salary would cover the whole rent and leave us about £300 for the month, out of which would have to come all the bills, food, petrol for job hunting etc. It would be an enorm

[WinterLover]

Does he pay through the CSA? Currently DP pays nothing due to not being in work and they said no income = no maintenance. he may be eligible for contribution JSA which £5 per week is taken out for CSA

[LambCallaway05]

Argh posted too soon!

It would be an enormous stretch but with help from the overdraft I think it could probably done in the short term and I don't think finding something new would take more than a few months. I'm obviously aware that maintenance for DSD is nothing to do with me and if he is out of work for a while he is obviously unable to pay it. Exw is a very low earner and the lack of money would impact her ability to pay her bills. My question is, once he is back in work, does the money then have to be repaid? They have a private agreement and so nothing that can be enforced by the courts, but is more of an ethical dilemma? If exw defaults on her council tax bill, do you think we have a responsibility to repay all or some of the money when he is back at work?

I know this is all a bit hypothetical and not even a real problem, but I'm sat at work after listening to DP sound even more hopeless about his job and thinking that we need to start planning! Any opinions from other sm's or exes would be appreciated!

[LambCallaway05]

Hi Winter Lover,

Thanks that's helpful. What is the exes stance on that? Does it cause her any financial difficulties?

[TheMumsRush]

I think when he gets a job he just starts paying from that point onwards.i don't think he will have back payments as it's a private agreement. In the meantime I think the ex needs to let the relevant people that her situation will also be changing

[LambCallaway05]

Thanks all, that's a really good idea about getting the ex to let people know her situation will be changing. Means she can take on extra shifts at work etc and DP can do more of the school runs. Now we just have to wait until the 3 months is up! Which will be by far the worst part - I'll have got myself into an absolute frenzy by then!

[juneau]

If you're looking at it from an ethical standpoint then he should warn her so she can budget accordingly - or at least be prepared for what might happen.

[LambCallaway05]

Yes, warning her is a good idea. She won't like it but we'll be doing the right thing!

[purpleroses]

Has your DP been in work for most of the last year or so - ie before he got the new job? If so he may be able to claim Job Seekers Allowance based on National Insurance contributions for zinc months or so. It won't depend on what you earn. Only £70 a week or so but will help. He'd be legally obliged to pay his ex about £5 of it but could offer a little more if you can afford it between you. You're not obliged legally or morally to cover it from your own pay. Yes do for warn the so it doesn't come as a shock to her.

[purpleroses]

That should read 6 months (zinc months???)

[alita7]

Nope he is not legally required to pay any of her bills etc, he is just supposed to give her an amount of money, proportionate to his income at that time. If that income is zero, where is he supposed to get the money to pay her? For that reason he is not obliged to pay anything.
Obviously do what you can to cushion the blow for her, like telling her and maybe make sure that dsd has the essentials she needs like shoes and socks and things while you still have some extra money?

[HerRoyalNotness]

Is it a 3mth probation period? Can your DP start saving a bit each week to put towards maintenance if he does happen to be out of work? Something is better than nothing. Not sure how much he pays now. Has he started looking for another job yet? Also best to do this now and not wait until he is possibly let go, as he has a child to support.

[Petal02]

Whilst I can’t argue that the OP’s DP has a child to support, if he gets to a point where he doesn’t have any income, then he can’t pay the ex what he hasn’t got. If the ex were still married to him, then she’d have to survive without any income from him, why should it be different now they’re apart?

[drivenfromdistraction]

Petal - yes, but if they were still married, then the ex could expect the DP to take on all responsibility for child/house care while she earned money. As it is, she's stuffed.

[alita7]

She could still ask him to pick up the child from school etc while he's not working, and if they still get on ok, could he do some handy work around the house, most people have something that needs doing.

[drivenfromdistraction]

Yes, alita. I don't think she should have to ask, I think he should be offering that and a lot more - for example, being on top of the DC's schoolwork, ironing uniform, providing packed lunches, helping with homework, sorting out any doctor/dentist appointments, doing the admin for school paperwork, taking in deliveries etc. Shouldering a lot of the day-to-day stuff.

[starlight1234]

It sounds like you are trying to Plan.

Yes tighten your belts now so the impact on the child is less and yes pre warn mother.

If it isn't working he should be applying for jobs now.

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

If i knew my job was going to be ending in 3 months i'd start saving towards the cost of my expenses during that out of work period. As you are living with him i assume you have agreed to cover his share of rent, electric food etc until he finds work so that would leave him with only his child to worry about so he can save for the next 3 months to provide for his child in the time he's out of work.

[Petal02]

I think he should be offering to be on top of DC’s schoolwork, ironing uniform, providing packed lunches, helping with homework, sorting out doctor/dentist appointments, doing the admin for school paperwork, taking in deliveries etc etc. Shouldering a lot of the day-to-responsiblities.

But surely most of the above is only possible if he lived at the same house as his ex???? Or are you suggesting that if a man loses his job, he moves back in with his ex and becomes her butler til he can pay maintenance again??

And as regards spending the next 3 months saving his wages so that he can pay maintenance while he’s out of work – it’s hard to know how long he’d be out of work, and surely he’s got his own household to keep afloat, whereas surely the ex has some responsibility towards her own household? And what if he can’t afford to put money aside at present? A lot of people don’t have the luxury of having money left over each week.

[YoureBeingASillyBilly]

Of course petal, if he hasnt got it to save then he cant do it. No way around that. It was a suggestion.

Also, whilst the ex has responsibility towards her own house, she doesnt have sole responsibility for feeding and clothing the child.

And yes, as you say, it's impossible to know how long he'll be out of work but thy doesnt mean it's ok to just not try and save anything if you can.

Like i said, if i expected to be out of work i would be planning for it by cutting back now, saving as much as possible and job hunting. I'm sure most people would do that whether a separated couple, single parent, blended family or whatever.

[purpleroses]

The trouble is drivefrom that most RPs wouldn't really want their ex to suddenly get involved in all those aspects of their DCs lives. They've been used to doing it themselves - quite probably from birth - and wouldn't often want the other parent to suddenly step in and try to become the child's primary carer just because they've lost their job. Unless losing the job happens to coincide with a really good career-moving type job for the RP, and they both agree together to have a change in roles, there's probably not that much extra the NRP can do in kind. My ex did do a few extra school pick ups when he was out of work, but I didn't ask him to come round and do the ironing, or start arranging GP appointments. Even when we were still together, I didn't really do that when he was out of work, and you're a lot less likely to want to when you're living separately.