DP and his personality change

[whilewildeisonmine]

Does anyone else have a DP who undergoes a personality transplant EOW?! When DSCs are here he becomes unbearable. The DSCs are not a problem but DP turns into a defensive argumentative arse.

By the time DSCs leave I'm ready to walk out too. He does do everything for them which he admits he finds tiring but won't encourage them to do things themselves (eg he'll serve them their meals in their rooms, run a bath for them, sort out phone/tablet chargers etc - they're 13 and 11 and perfectly capable). If I suggest they do something he snaps at me as if I'm asking them to lick the kitchen floor clean rather than bring their own laundry downstairs. I try to keep my nose out and then I'm accused of being unsupportive.

Also, can I ask here if it is unreasonable to say no to the Xbox being played on downstairs when DS is awake? He's 23 months and I'd really rather him not see games like call of duty, there's a tv upstairs they can play it on but I'm told it's too small. DP agrees that he doesn't want it played on in front of DS but this seems to be forgotten about and when I say anything he launches into how I'm being unfair. Tbh I'd rather it not be played on in this house at all but I appreciate that is going too far so agree its fine when he's not around.

DP has just given me a lecture on letting boys be boys and not taking their childhoods away by imposing chores on them and I'm feeling a bit rubbish.

[mummytime]

He's crap! Sorry.
They are too young for Call of Duty. Bringing down washing is fine, all my kids can plug in their own devices to chargers etc.

Ask him to think about what he wants his kids to be like when they are grown up? What about your DS? Is doing everything for any of them and never saying No doing any good?

Basically he feels guilty and is being disney.

[yoyo27]

Mine does but not to that extent.

We expect all the kids to help out but when I ask I get given 'the look'.

But my DP does a lot around the house in general, and we both agree that it is important for kids to help.

Half our problem is that he sees his kids as guests. I don't, I see it as home and that they have two. He thinks that is wrong.

Yet he didn't mind them having their own room, meaning our daughter slept in our room for over a year and didn't sleep a full night. As soon as we changed that our daughter slept straight through the night!!

[Malificentmaud]

DISNEY DAD!! Bleaughh.

Sorry no patience.

[alita7]

Kids shouldn't be treated like guests in their second home! They should have to do basic things like clean up after themselves and can come and have a family dinner with you and dp! And I agree on the x box issue, could you assign them half an hour to an hour on It while you take ds out for a bit maybe to the park?

I would write him a letter and give it to him when the kids aren't there when he's more reasonable. There is no way he should treat you like this, and in front of the kids it makes you look bad which surely he doesn't want? You aren't being unfair at all and your weekends with them should be a settled family weekend not a battle! you must be clear with him that the problem you have is not with the dcs it's with him!

[wheresthelight]

Your dp is being an arse!! Mine used to be like this but after a couple of spectacular rows he now sees thinks my way.

They are not guests, they are family and it is their home too therefore they need to pull their weight.

It's nit about boys being buys or being denied a childhood it's called taking responsibility for themselves

[TheMumsRush]

Yes, my DH can be a bit like that. Suddenly I wrong in everything I do and it's never dsd

[shey02]

Oh, yes and it is always me that ends up in tears. He never accepts it. It has brought our relationship to breaking point... They run rings around my dp, I don't want to hijack the post, but it's not positive time for us. He can never relax, but he makes the rod for his own back though, fetching, carrying, fussing. I can't stand it and the only way I cope is by detaching myself and my kids. My own dc are even starting to find them unbearable and irritating even though they are almost all the same age range and usually get on well. BUT, I do blame dp's weak/Disney/guilt parenting style. When it's not his-kids time, dp is confident, strong, assertive, but around his dc the personality switch kicks in.

Oh and I agree, no COD around such little kids.