back again!! reached my limit this time

[generaldogsbody1]

I have had enough of my sd's behaviour. my dp is currently in a&e with her as sh was injured in an "argument". last week she was in a&e because she tried to hit some on but missed and fell, on both occasions she was pissed

I don't know what to do, i have a ds 4 yo and ds 8 months and i am 8 weeks preg.

i dearly love my dp but i can't cope with this situation any longer.

i can't do links but my last thread was titled step mum about to explode. please read for more background.

sd will be 16 in 6 weeks time. she has 9 criminal charges pending. this figure does not include past charges and offences.

i want to give dp an ultimatum, eg see your daughter by all means but she must no longe be part of my life or my childrens life. dont know how he would react though, any sugestions would be welcome

[MatNanPlus]

here is the link

No advice i'm afraid GDB1.

[generaldogsbody1]

thanks MNP xx

[fenny1]

And I thought I was having problems. You sound like a complete star to be coping with all this and being pregnant as well.
I have no useful advice. I just hope you can access support for yourself from your family and friends and that you keep talking to DP.
Good luck.

[catsmother]

God GDB ...... I'm echoing Fenny here. Being a stepmum is hard enough without all the drug & drink issues.

I don't blame you for not wanting this girl as she is now (presumably nothing's changed then ?) in your life, and more importantly, in your children's lives.

Even leaving you aside - that's three (including the new one) young children who could potentially be at risk - either physically and/or emotionally from this girl. That sounds really harsh but I'm sure I don't need to tell you the truth is that someone - anyone - who is perpetually stoned and/or p*ssed cannot be trusted round young kids ..... whether or not any incident is intended. It's simply not safe, and could be frightening for them too.

Does DP not see this ? ...... I can understand him not wanting to lose his older daughter but he cannot jeopardise the safety of the younger - and therefore more vulnerable - children.

In the circumstances, especially considering how much effort you've put into trying to help this girl and get all involved to participate in a properly thought out plan of action (i.e. you've not, up until now, turned your back), I think DP would have no right whatsoever to expect you to continue to put up with her presence in your home. It's not you being spiteful, or selfish, or awkward, or anything else .... but you protecting very young children.

What has happened sinec you last posted ? Are DP and his ex "toeing the line" so far as the "agreed" plan of treatement is concerned ? ....

.... for example, you said before that she would not be allowed to stay if intoxicated, and that a residential home might be on the cards ?

I do understand DP's dilemma but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind in life. If DP always provides a "cushion" when she behaves badly (for want of a better expression) she will have no incentive to sort herself out. If there are no negative repercussions to her unacceptable behaviour, why should she stop it ? Effectively, he is enabling her to continue behaving like this if he is always there as a crutch, no matter what.

Now I know she's only 15 and I can't begin to imagine how worried he must be, but at the same time there needs to be a structured approach to all of this so everyone involved knows where they stand, what is expected of them and what will happen if xyz is or isn't done. From your last post I got the impression that inconsistency was one of the problems.

I really think you must, for the other kids' sake, make your feeling clear to DP. Emphasise that you are happy to offer whatever practical help you can so long as the younger kids aren't at all involved. Emphasise how you hope she can sort her problems out and how you'd love to welcome her back to your home, hopefully sooner than later, but it simply isn't safe or right to do so in the current circumstances.

I'm afraid if he kicks off about this, "blaming" you or "resenting" you then that would speak volumes about his feelings for the other kids. Three of them cannot be put at risk for the sake of one.

Good luck .... I don't envy you one bit having to deal with this.

[nicnack2]

my ss has just left home at the age of 16. he is in a flat and 'looked after' by a support worker. We have had the drugs/alcohol issue/ police/ suspension form school for being verbally and physically agressive towards teachers. Came to head at christmas when i found evidence of drugsh would not believe it. I throw both of them out. i was 7 months preg and also has ds1 who was 2. ds1 also told me that ss has 'sweeties' in his room and that he wasnt to touch or tell. still dh refused to believe it suggested tha ds1 was lying [shocked]. eventually it was agreed that ss could stay here until 16. further episodes of drugs being in the house just prior to exaims in may. HV was all for refering ds1 and i to child protection as ds1 was deemed 'at risk' however this was not done as i would have walked out of the marraige and never come back. this is just the last stretch of a terrible 4 years for al concerned. ss has had conselling/sw involvement etc but this has done no good. this was our only option to try and stay as a family in some form. some will say i should have been the one to go and believe me i habe often felt that bing a single parent of now two would have been less stressful. Others will say that i should have seen this coming and should have accepted this as part and parcel of step parent life. his mother lives down south and will not have anything to do with him other than the odd call and visit as long as we organised and pay. i gave dh that ultimatum on the line of you can go and live with ss to sort him out but the 5 of us cannot live under the same roof. i know what you are going through

[catsmother]

How are things GDB ? Have you spoken to DP yet ?

[generaldogsbody1]

hi there, sorry for not posting sooner.
things did seem to be getting better for a while but it has all gone back to square one,
sd will be 16 in a few weeks time and i fully expect bm to throw her out. where will she end up? you guessed it, here!
Well I won't have her here full time not a bloody chance!
If he insists then i will pack mine and the los up and leave. DP and sd both have to learn the consequences of ther actions.
If this young girl can't stop what she is doing or listen to the advice of those around her then i will take no part in her life or those whe are allowing this to happen