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Does living apart work?

(6 Posts)
yoyo27 Tue 22-Apr-14 01:29:42

I am beginning to think that living apart may be best for us.

We are a step family, but with two children together. Today we have argued and the same stuff came up as always......he can tell off my kids but I can't tell his off, mine get told off for something yet he never notices when his do it, bla bla usual stuff. I am tired of it.

I love him, plus we have children together, but I don't think this is working. For a start it is my house (that I own with my ex). We are hoping to sell this year once decorating (necessary stuff) is done but it is slow going with two little ones then all the kids at weekends.

I just feel that living apart and having the option of seeing each other when we want to is best. The kids could choose to stay where they want at weekends, ie, if my son wanted to stay with my DP and his son then he could, and vice versa. There just seems to be so many problems at weekends

yoyo27 Wed 23-Apr-14 10:51:34


Well I've proposed it to my DP. His response? "Only if I can take (out daughter) with me".

Erm, no!! We have another daughter together and he wants to split them up? I am proposing a huge thing but as a FAMILY so that we all get what we need and want. He says I wouldn't want to lose her so why should he? But I'm not suggesting losing anything! I am suggesting living apart so he can do his work, see everyone when he wants, family days out with ALL out children when we want, time for him on his own with his other two children, but also for perhaps my son to stay there too when his son is there, his daughter could stay with me etc etc etc. he won't even consider it. But I don't want to carry on as we are.

It's my house, but he won't leave. And I am worried that if I force him out that he will take our daughter

Flexiblefriend Wed 23-Apr-14 10:57:15

Unfortunately it sounds like if you live apart you will just be arguing over different things. It doesn't look like it will resolve anything, and when you all did get together the current problems would still be there. Why does he want to take one daughter and not the other? Would it help to do more things separately on the weekends all the children are there to give you all a bit of space?

yoyo27 Wed 23-Apr-14 11:01:47

Because the youngest is only four months and breastfed. He strongly believes in children needing to stay with their mummy until aged 1.

Yes we could do that, especially now the weather is better. He has suggested that I let my children have contact with their Dad. I haven't refused contact but I have said he needs to do it via the proper channels and the courts. But he hasn't. I wanted this after my children were coming back very upset from visits. He was also forcing his religion onto them, which they found very confusing and upsetting. But their dad isn't making any efforts. Drops a card off for their birthdays, no presents, no contact in between.

I don't know what to do

Jan45 Mon 05-May-14 15:10:26

Yes it can work, if the home is full of bad atmospheres and unresolved issues then living apart can be a good option, I did it and it worked for us.

brdgrl Mon 05-May-14 16:20:57

It worked for me. Didn't live with (now) DH and the DSC until DD was six months old. I wish I'd held out longer. DH wanted to live together and pushed for it, and financially it made more sense, but I wish we'd continued as we were at least for a bit longer.

I have to say that I think our situation was different in that it was clear between us, from before conception and since, that I was going to be the residential parent to DD if the relationship did not last.

But if your DP is having such a negative and territorial response to the idea, I don't see how it can work, you will end up in a breakup, not the alternative you propose.

I'm sorry. Have you tried counseling?

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