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need to vent please be nice!

(33 Posts)
wheresthelight Mon 21-Apr-14 21:51:38

My dsc's are amazing!! They are funny and smart and great fun to be around most of the time. They are massively lacking in manners but dp is working on it, his exw apparently doesn't believe on the word no and doesn't insist on cutlery at the dinner table and is ok with fingers - the kids are 10 and 8.

However they seem to always have nits. We thought we had got rid by full marks'ing them every week when we have them and religiously combing. However due to holidays and exw request to cancel a contact night we hadn't seen them for just over 2 weeks when we picked them up on Friday night. Dsd (8) brushes her own hair and puts it in a bobble so I only need to do anything if she wants a plait which she did yesterday. Absolutely bloody covered in eggs and lice that could be seen without hassle or having to part her hair. So checked dss and he was just as bad.

I must have combed hundreds out of both of them last night and left the full marks on for over an hour to make sure the little buggers were dead (nits not the kids) - combed today and still getting eggs out but no live lice

Now my issue is exw said she had combed dsd on Friday and she was "clear" - I am no expert but I am guessing that for their to be adults, eggs and young lice she is either blind or didn't actually check and probably hasn't since they were last with us. I am livid as is dp. He hates that our contact is always filled with having to treat the kids and spending hours combing through their hair (he does dss while I do dsd) and no amount of discussion with exw seems to make a difference.

We have tried conditioner but exw refused to follow it through so it doesn't work, neem oil, tea tree etc I have bought stuff and sent it homeas I know it's not cheap and she always whinges she is skint (dp pays way over and above the csa amount amd we buy all school uniform, shoes etc and pay half of any school trips) but then she refuses to use it. I get on with his exw and would never ssy anything against her when the kids are in the house but the woman has to be an idiot for nit noticing surely?!! I have used all the branded stuff amdnnothing works. Help!!!

My mum suggested dettol but seems a tad weird! Anyone got any ideas please??!

Fizzybangfanny Mon 21-Apr-14 22:02:22

I used hedrin on dd1 long thick hair. I used two bottles per go. It was the only thing that worked and I don't think it's chemical based.

How long do you have them for?

I don't think there is anything you can do regarding the DM as you can't enforce anything in her home. Must be so frustrating.

wheresthelight Mon 21-Apr-14 22:08:51

Ohh will look into it. Dp's mum used to use headrin on them so I may have some bottles in the bag his dad gave me (mil died last year)

We have them til Friday so am planning a massive attack and treating them again tomorrow and Thursday and then again next Wednesday. I will win!!!!

It drives me nuts. I know we can't force exw to do anything but really, what sort of mum ignores constant scratching?! She has such a thing about what other people think of her and the kids and yet is so slack it's just not funny! It's the kids I feel sorry for, they get so fed up of spending hours with stuff on their heads and being combed through. It's not what I want them associating our home with it

purpleroses Mon 21-Apr-14 22:19:20

It's worth asking your pharmacist what works best on nits in your area as they sometimes get resistant to some of the treatments. At 8 and 10 would your DSC be mature enough to take responsibility for treating themselves? Or at least combing in the bath with conditioner? Of they've been riddled with them it will probably take a few more blitzes to clear them entirely. Yes your DSC's mum is either blind or lying as they don't go from being clear to crawling in them that quickly. I would guess she's embarrassed and feeling defensive about it.

Fizzybangfanny Mon 21-Apr-14 22:19:31

The hedrin, I let dd sleep in it. It coats the lice and egg in a solution that suffocates them ( I think) then did it a couple of days later.

You could talk to dds about plaiting her hair every day at school.

If they are infested the pillow cases and bedding may need doing at home.

I hate to say it but when it's an infestation - it's just sheer lazyness.

Fizzybangfanny Mon 21-Apr-14 22:20:13


alita7 Mon 21-Apr-14 22:22:57

Can you talk to the school? If they keep getting them after treatments then either their mum has caught them and done nothing (don't even Wana go there...) or there are kids at school with them, in which case a nit letter needs to go out and they may also agree to have a chat with her for you, without mentioning you, recommending any remedies they know of.

wheresthelight Mon 21-Apr-14 22:38:53

fizzy bedding here all been boil washed!! But can't force her to do it. When I went to strip the beds dsd's pillow was covered in eggs and lice poop Urgh!

alita school is shut til next week but will certainly mention it to dp as an idea. We did talk to dsd's gp and they were meant to talk to exw but no idea of it got done.

Pharmacy told us to use full marks but may look and see of there is anything else. Lyclear says it kills the eggs does anyone know of it does?

Hours of combing and chemical warfare this week I think!!

Dsd can't do plaits and I don't think her mum can either.Exw is very pprecious about dsd's hair, we suggested that we had it cut shorter (it touches her bum and suggested shoulders) so it was easier to for them both to manage and exw flipped her lid and threatened to stop contact (she can be an absolute delight!!)

Dp has suggested that the kids come and live with us for a few months. Exw basically told him she couldn't cope at Xmas but she now lives with her bf and his 2 kids so guessing if she can't cope with 2 she certainly won't cope with 4. I am not sure it is the best solution. Not because I don't want them here cos they are great kids but I don't want her to feel like we are stealing her kids if that makes sense.

If she is struggling I would rather we found a better way to support her, part of me thinks she doesn't actually know what nits actually look like but don't want to piss her off by trying to teach her.

Rock and hard place!!

Rabbitcar Mon 21-Apr-14 22:44:11

You sound really nice, well done for looking after the DCs so well.

Fizzybangfanny Mon 21-Apr-14 22:48:23

Urgh at the thought that DM may have them

Def try hedrin, I think it's silicon based and coats them. Never failed dd and no stinking smell either.

wheresthelight Mon 21-Apr-14 22:52:52

Aww thanks rabbit that's lovely for you to say!

I am no saint and if dp and exw decided the kids being here full time would help then I will happily have them, it will be me as primary care giver due to dp's shifts but they are great most of the time. I just don't want to step on toes.

It just pisses me off that I end up as the evil sm by De-lousing them etc every week! I want them to like being here not think "oh god nit treatment again"

I have spent all my maternity pay this last fortnight on getting them stuff to play with in the garden while they were here this week, swing set, swingball, hula hoops etc. Not once have they asked for a computer or their Nintendo things.

At their mum's they never go out, all day I'm front of one or other electronic device according to the kids. They spend hours outside here and it shows in the 12-14 hours sleep a night!!!

MojitoMadness Mon 21-Apr-14 22:57:33

My DSD had constant nits when she was little. We thought it was because her mum/nan never got rid of them properly, but once she moved in with us we couldn't get rid of them either! We tried everything! She had them all the way through primary school. Honestly the only thing that seemed to kill them off and stop them coming back was when just before she started secondary school and wanted highlights done. I got out as many as I could before taking her the hairdressers. After that she never had them again.

Although that's obviously no help to you as you're not about to start dyeing the kids hair. So this was a completely pointless post, sorry. hmmgrin

alita7 Mon 21-Apr-14 23:00:42

You know if their mum is happy with it and you are then I would have them. I know we have biased info but it sounds like she isn't coping and you are capable of doing a better job atm.
It might even be that you end up having them ft which sounds better for them in the long run if she can't manage basic care!

wheresthelight Mon 21-Apr-14 23:07:14

Mojito that has literally made me laugh out loud!!! I cam just imagine the fall out if I dyed her hair!! Crumbs if I style it differently her mum has a fit!! Possibly worth a try though!! every time we have them for an extended time we get them clear but a few weeks back with their mum and they come back with them. We can manage it when we see them every week but it's when they havehholidays with her that we get them back.

alita it's not my ideal solution obviously. Being away from their mum is going to have its own issues but if they decide it's for the best then it's fine with me.

purpleroses Mon 21-Apr-14 23:35:46

Having nits is itchy and deeply embarrassing for most DCs so I don't think you should worry about being the evil stepmother. I would have thought they'd be quite appreciative of your help in getting rid of them.
If your DSD is 8 she's probably old enough to learn to play hair so might be worth teaching her.

wheresthelight Mon 21-Apr-14 23:44:17

purple have tried but bless her she is all fingers and thumbs!! She still can't tie her shoe laces!! Will keep trying to teach her...does girlsworld still exist??

I have been trying to teach dss to comb his own hair through so hopefully that will help. Just need them to start opening their mouths and telling their mum that they have nits and need treating.

HerRoyalNotness Tue 22-Apr-14 00:01:12

When my two kept getting nits I started spraying their hair with watered down lavender oil every morning. They haven't had them since. You could show the DC how to do this and send the spray home with them. You'd just have to refill it when it gets low. It might help a bit. Although if their beds are infested at their mums not sure how you'll fix that.

wheresthelight Tue 22-Apr-14 00:09:24

Ohh fab idea thank you!!! adds lavender oil to the shopping list

WinterLover Tue 22-Apr-14 07:52:42

Oh nits drive me mad too! Exw checked DSD Fri and found none. I did her hair Sunday and strangely found loads shock typical as no shops were open.

Exw will treat DSD once, no follow up treatment and she doesn't check her other DD at the same time so the girls just pass them between themselves.

Usually the first thing we do when she comes is a nit check. Drives me mad that she doesn't seem to care about it.

swissfamily Tue 22-Apr-14 08:04:08

Our kids' school recommend some stuff called Nitty Gritty every time they get an outbreak. Fortunately none of ours have been affected yet so I can't tell you if it's any good or not...maybe the school are on commission wink

wheresthelight Tue 22-Apr-14 08:17:51

winter I think that's the biggest issue, exw refuses to check dss or her own step kids who live there full time so they must all be riddled and passing them between themselves grrr

Swiss nitty gritty is a type of comb with metal teeth we have one and ime the one that comes in full marks works just as well!

It's the lack of follow up and the fact their home with mum must be riddled that is causing the issue! I think unfortunately my dsc's are the kids the nit letter goes out about! Which is sad.

Dsd has excema and has reoccurring impetigo so I don't get why her mum won't treat nits. When she had a really bad break out the impetigo out her in hospital on iv antibiotics!! She then came to us for a week and ended up at the emergency Dr as she was riddled with nits and I didn't dare treat as the impetigo had spread all up her neck and scalp from where she had been scratching. It really is heartbreaking!!

swissfamily Tue 22-Apr-14 08:21:46

No, it's a shampoo and 'defence spray' as well I think. I'm looking at the flyer now.

Sorry, they're probably all the same.

Buttercup27 Tue 22-Apr-14 08:39:51

I work in preschool and have tried everything on the market to make sure I don't get any- im very paranoid. I use alva natural shampoo once or twice a week instead of normal shampoo , it's brilliant . It'd from a small company in Cardiff but I get it over the Internet. Could you send this home with them? If they are washing their own hair they could use it themselves. If they are prone to them I would use it all of the time instead of usual shampoo. The company also sell stuff to kill the nuts. I've bought it but never had to use it. It doesn't smell brilliant but it's all natural which is great.
Good luck on the war against creepers!

notthegirlnextdoor Tue 22-Apr-14 09:08:45

Poor kids. My step sister was the same as a child, waist length hair and always full of nits, my Mum had 5 girls at home as well as step sister once a fortnight and it was always spent with DSS crying and having her hair done. Its so sad when parents can't be arsed to sort this out, results kn bullying at school for a start. You have my sympathy OP, no advice other than to keep at it and keep telling exw, but it does raise other questions about their welfare living with her.

alita7 Tue 22-Apr-14 09:23:50

Have you tried sending them with those electric combs they could use them themselves, they aren't dangerous , just don't use on wet hair.

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