Dsd's mum must be exhausted

[QueenTea33]

Just wanted to vent, really.

Dropped dsd off this morning. Dp got a phone call an hour ago telling us to pick her up again and keep her til Monday because it's mothers day tomorrow and dp's ex wants a day off as she's tired and needs a break as she's got 3 other kids to raise. Annoying, but not out of the ordinary.

We collected her and dp's ex has packed her soaking wet, unwashed swimming kit and towel. Presumably, she wants us to wash and dry it. Dsd only does swimming on Tuesday, so kit stays at her mums as we don't have her overnight Monday or Tuesday. It's obviously been sitting there, in the bag, since Tuesday. Swimming costume is size 5-6. Dsd is almost 9. Dsd is skinny but tall for her age, so it's probably a bit snug.

Dp and I both work. I have 2 ds's who live with us almost ft (see dad eo Saturday), we pay maintenance for dsd even though she lives with us almost 50% of the time. We buy all her uniform and shoes, replace things Dsd's mum loses in her hovel and wash uniform and dsd whenever she's with us.

Dsd's mum and partner don't work, but have other kids and get enough money from benefits to go out partying, buy new clothes, and go on holidays (without the kids). Why can't they wash a towel and buy a swimsuit? Why is it always our problem? Dp has gone to buy a swimsuit on his way to work, so I'll be minding dsd tonight while her mum "has a break". This is my first day off since Tuesday and my last day off till Wednesday, but it's fine cos Dsd's mum is tired.

Can't pull her on it because she thinks she's gods gift to parenting and prone to threats of court and stopping access if we dare challenge her on anything.

That's it, really. I just wanted to get it off my chest because the law states that I'm not allowed to go and kick the lazy fecker in the tits, sadly.

[zirca]

No you can't, but you are showing DSD what it's like to put your children first, and to care for them above yourself. You and her dad are giving her the things she needs, and a stable family environment to call home half the time. Having a good example in her life is more important than anything - then she will know she is valued and supported, and will hopefully grow up to have a happy and successful adult life.

[GemmaTeller]

What zirca said.

Put on a happy, united, supportive front.

I got a 'happy mothers day to my stepmum' card last year, and it felt great
(I've been her stepmum for 20 years)

[QueenTea33]

Thanks for the support :)

She's a lovely little girl and deserves to feel valued. We are always there for her.

I'm so grateful for the sp board because it is somewhere to rant! We never discuss her mums shortcomings when she's with us,or in front of the ds's,so it's just good to go and let it out here.

Gemma, it's such a lovely feeling! She always makes me a mothers day card and it puts all the petty things into perspective.

[wheresthelight]

Dp's ex is similar, we have spent a fortune on school shoes for the kids and I spend hours polishing them and cleaning them when they are here but they never get cleaned or polished at their mother's. Dsd came the other weekend and the boots we had bought her in November were ditched, scuffed to point of holes but this time we have refused to buy any more shoes as their mum refuses to take care of them.

As long as your dsd knows she has you and her dad to care for her then that is enough. She will realise in time what her mum is like!

[Russianfudge]

Oh goodness, the poor kid. And poor you. How awful for everyone

[oscarwilde]

Could she come to live with you instead?

[alita7]

I have a problem that's sort of the other way around, DSD lives with us, but her mother doesn't do anything when she has contact at her Grandads house every other weekend or when she sees her at the sure start centre once a week. DSD gets homework on a friday and has to hand it in on a wednesday and they don't do homework with her over the weekend which leaves us with it all to do on one night (as she has the sure start contact after school one of those days before wednesday, leaving Dsd really distressed. She also subtly says things to her to make things difficult for us- which leads to buy Mummy says my new hair cut is horrible so I don't want to go to school or mummy says my school skirt is too tight (which we hadn't had a chance to replace yet) so she wouldn't wear it... not that she takes her to get a new skirt and doesn't pay maintenance... It's literally just lazy parents with selfish personalities.
Your dsd is lucky she has you to give her some stability and the mother is clearly taking advantage- maybe start saying you're too hard up to buy things like uniform and it needs to come out of the maintenance instead- or actually just fight for custody- you might win- the child would be better off!