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A baby of our own?

(6 Posts)
Mumto1and2 Fri 28-Mar-14 21:02:59

I have been with my partner for 2 years and we recently bought our first house, he is 12 years older then me.
I have a son of 5 who I raised on my own after falling pregnant at 18. My partner has 2 children (11&14) from his previous long term marriage.
My dilemma is this, I want a baby so bad and he had a vasectomy whilst with his ex (unknown to him she was having an affair) so obviously he does not want another child and I an finding this do hard to deal with. It breaks my heart everyday, made harder by all my friends starting to have babies. One of my friends said to give him an ultimatum but that's not me. I love my partner so much and he has saved my life (literally) but this is eating me up

He constantly has reasons not too: finances. Bedrooms, busy but I don't care! I know we could make it work but he says he has been there and done that.

What do you all think? Am I being silly as I knew he didn't want kids when we got together, at the time I was happy with my one.

To top it off, his wife is a royal pain in my but and I am starting to resent his children because in my head it's due to them that I can't have anymore...

Liara Fri 28-Mar-14 21:05:30

I think you need to have a good talk with him, but ultimately you need to accept that you got together with him on the understanding that you would not have children together and that he has every right not to change his mind.

daisydoo222 Sat 29-Mar-14 10:52:14

hmmm tricky one

If I were you I would also be wanting a baby with him and I think it would be hard to accept never having the option.
I'm pretty certain that I won't have any more children but the thought of my DP having the snip makes me want to cry, I just want the option.

To have a vasectomy reversed is expensive (I think it's about £4000) and it's not guaranteed to work. I think about 50/50 chance but it depends on how long ago he had it done.
So I guess you would both have to really want a baby to risk wasting £4000 as a reversal may not work.

If he's not up for it then I suppose you probably have to give yourself an ultimatum. You either stay with the man you love with the three children you have already got. Or you leave him in the hope you will find somebody who you love and can give you a baby.

moggycat Sun 30-Mar-14 17:35:12

My partner has 3 children, I have none (yet). At first he said (understandably) that he didn't want any more. We broke up over it, I couldn't bear the thought of not having one of my own. However, we then got back together as we discussed it properly and he agreed we could have one. I paid for him to have a vasectomy reversal and I am 6 months pregnant. He doesn't have much money so I will be financing the baby until he gets better paid. He is excited about being a dad again and we are involving his children (obviously). Have a proper talk with your partner and do discuss options.

alita7 Mon 31-Mar-14 17:21:42

I am sort of in a similar situation to you- DP is 11 years older than me with 3 kids, 1 of which lives with us, and I'm pregnant but don't have any from previous relationships.

As I said I'm pregnant- so I'm very lucky that although he's already got 3, the youngest being 10 so he's been there done that, he quite easily came round to the idea of having one with me. But that might be because I don't have any others of my own, and an understanding that having my own is extremely important to me- something he has known since very early on and I asked if he would consider more with me if we were to get to that point because I didn't want to fall in love if something so important to me couldn't happen.

You are however, in a trickier situation because of the vasectomy- would he consider a child if he hadn;t had a vasectomy? Or does he just not want any full stop?

I think if he really loves you he should be willing to try- or at least say ok, lets save up the £4000 and then when we get to that point we can have a proper discussion about what we want to do with that money- if you still really want it over a holiday or something then maybe he'll give it a go. I guess you can't make him do it- that's the problem... would he consider a sperm donor if it's just about not wanting a reversal? Maybe if you suggested that he'd be more likely to jump at the idea of trying naturally?

alita7 Mon 31-Mar-14 17:23:00

* also I have no idea what his feelings will be if in a couple of years time I want another one- we've briefly discussed the possibility of 2 but all he's said is not too soon after the 1st :P

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