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Struggling

(10 Posts)
moggycat Sun 16-Mar-14 19:23:16

I am a step parent to 3, yes 3 children under 12. They visit us every other weekend until Monday a.m and every Tuesday night. they are generally good kids but I find as time goes on, I find it harder not easier. I am beginning to resent them (yes I know how awful this is and I am angry at myself) for all the changes I have had to make. I am 6 months pregnant and I just worry how it will be when I have the baby. Will I find it hard when they come around? Will they be even more demanding of their dad? I also feel sad that I may not be able to take my child on a holiday because then I'd have to afford to pay for them 3....costly! And I guess I'd like time with just my partner and the baby. However I see how unfair this would be on them.
I just worry about everything and it is getting me down.

Anyone else in a similar situation or any advice?

Thanks.

K8eee Sun 16-Mar-14 19:37:03

Hi moggy, i'm 39 weeks pg with first baby; dh has a child from previous relationship and i'm too finding it really difficult sad when we have dss, dh gives him 90% of his attention and time. I'm really worried how this will work when we have the baby as well as him around. I feel awful saying this but when we had dss over the Feb half term I couldn't wait to get him back to his mum. I had my birthday whilst he was with us and tbh it was crap. The worst birthday I've ever had IMHO. We took him to a soft play area for most of the morning & early afternoon, then because I wanted to go and get some lunch (which we had planned) he kicked off and had a strop on. dh pussy footed round him, really did annoy me. I probably sound really unreasonable, but at 30 odd weeks pg I didn't want to spend my birthday and heavily pg in a kids play area bored out my brain and having other people's kids running riot.

moggycat Sun 16-Mar-14 19:47:40

Thanks for your message. I see your point. The thing is I hate seeing his kids as someone else's kids. I always thought I would grow to love them and yet that doesn't seem to happen. I just don't understand why I am finding things harder.
Good luck with your baby and hope things turn out ok for you. x

K8eee Sun 16-Mar-14 19:53:10

what do you mean "I hate seeing his kids as someone elses"

I thought it would get easier to form a bond with dss as he has gotten older, but it feels like his mum is trying to poison him towards our family. he's not excited about the new baby, or seeing dh family sad it's really sad

BigPigLittlePig Sun 16-Mar-14 19:55:46

I have a dd 16mo, and dsd 6yo. I too worried about this when I was expecting, and I think it would be fair to say that I was not a glowy, peaceful updiffed lady, more of a steam-blowing-out-the-ears type, which made me pretty intolerant of most people, imcluding dsd and dh who bore the brunt - once preggo hormones and vanished, I felt much better towards both of them, so hopefully this will happen for you too.

Re the holidays etc, pre-dds birth, we would plan to do everything with dsd. Since then, we have realised, slowly, that life doesn't stop just because dsd isn't here, and someone pointed out that we are just as valid a family in her absence. I would ty to point something along those lines to your dh.

Unless we went away minus dsd, we would never go away as we cannot afford to go somewhere in the school holidays.

Good luck with your impending arrival!

BigPigLittlePig Sun 16-Mar-14 19:59:15

Rereading your op, you need not panic at how much time you will have with you, baby and dh. There will be more than enough. I also found that once I had become a mother, and got over the newborn bit, I relaxed a lot as a step mum and enjoyed it more.

moggycat Sun 16-Mar-14 20:01:53

K8eee what I mean is, I'd hope I'd grow to love them as part of my family. I know they're not my kids and I will never try and be a mum to them but I just thought I might love them like nieces or nephews.
BigPigLittlePig, thanks for your advice x

K8eee Sun 16-Mar-14 20:07:56

funny moggy as I feel exactly the same toward my dss. I try not to make it know, but I try my hardest to make him feel as at home as possible. he's not exactly cuddly with me and whenever I see him I ask him for a hug and try and show some affection but very rarely is it reciprocated. This is going to sound awful, but now he's getting older I can see a lot of his mum in him unfortunately sad

moggycat Sun 16-Mar-14 20:27:21

It's hard. And I have 3 of them. I know no one who has 3! :/

Xalla Tue 18-Mar-14 15:26:42

Re the holidays etc, pre-dds birth, we would plan to do everything with dsd. Since then, we have realised, slowly, that life doesn't stop just because dsd isn't here, and someone pointed out that we are just as valid a family in her absence. I would ty to point something along those lines to your dh

This is good advice. Remember generally SC get holidays / treats with their other parent too.

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