Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

1 2 3 4

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

A safe place to rant

84 replies

TheMumsRush · 15/03/2014 20:56

I'm loosing hart with SP board. I think, like Fenton, I may take a back step. SM's come here for a safe place to rant. To say things they can't in RL. Sometime they know it's not great what they are saying, sometimes they don't, myself included and are looking for guidance. But the one thing they don't need is up themselves people bashing them and being generally unhelpful and downright mean. People who I suspect have a reason to think all SM's home wreckers. People fall in love and no one knows what the future will hold. Rant over

OP posts:

Report

BigPigLittlePig · 15/03/2014 21:37

I have been lurking and reading with interest, and agree. There have been some hateful, spiteful and entirely unhelpful comments on here lately.

It is for that v reason that I won't post my own Qs about dsd, not worth the flaming.

brdgrl · 15/03/2014 21:40

mumsrush, it is sad but I understand completely. I have seen various posters leave because of the hostility against stepmums that is allowed to flourish here. I myself took a bit of a hiatus recently; I had so much going on in my offline life and I knew I just didn't have the mental energy to face the negativity from people who so clearly have an agenda. I don't mean the people who post in sincerity but with whom I disagree - I mean the people who regularly surface on the board with the same old nonsense.

Any of the mothers on MN, at least those of young children, could end up in a situation where their kids have a stepmum. They don't want to believe that, but it's true. Like you say, no one knows what the future will hold. I think we scare them, because we are proof of that.

As for 'knowing what we were getting into' - who does? Who, of anyone on this entire site, knew what they were getting into when they met their partner? Not a one. Not a single one.

Good luck, mumsrush.

supermariossister · 15/03/2014 21:56

I have to admit that I read the forum and post to others sometimes but I rarely ever post for advice even though I could certainly do with it at times because I know myself and it would really unsettle me if I got the kind of responses I've seen on here. everyone needs a place to rant sometimes, wishing you all the best

TheMumsRush · 15/03/2014 22:03

When I first came here, it was because I was looking for help, looking to find if what I was feeling/going through was "normal". I must admit, I've made mistakes and have been pulled up and rightly so. No one is perfect. But I asked for help thinking that was what I was going to get. Not to be made to feel more crap in an already hard situation. And from people who clearly gave no idea! (I know this because I snooped on loan parenting only to see one name who regularly posts on here negatively and who I also know is not a SP). I don't comment in areas where I have no helpful or well meaning advice

OP posts:

babyheaves · 15/03/2014 22:09

MN has never been a great place for step parents to be honest. The hand wringing and "won't somebody think of the children" shit does get you down.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight · 15/03/2014 22:13

Having been on mn for a long time (not since the dawn of though lol) I find the way to survive online forums is to really not give a flying fuck what some people think.
If they haven't lived it, I care not for their opinion. They may have valid points I hadn't considered but if they come in pearl clutching and saying 'won't somebody think of the chillldrenn' they can fuck right back off again.

Btw my name is things, I have a sexually abusive badly behaved SS who attends school for half an hour every day and stinks of bo, a sd who, at 11 and brought up round adult conversation is a greedy grabby bitchy little cow bag who only opens her mouth to say something offensive usually with her keyboard warrior mother sitting over her shoulder, a sad excuse that they have for a dm who claims rape and emotional abuse when she doesn't get her own way and her own way is basically all the money an a click of the fingers she wants a taxi service and a willing servant - yet when she gets those she is happy to have the person she accuses of rape in her home as long as he has money in his hand. Face to face she does not have the courage of her convictions and only abuses you when she's out of range (by phone and email ect)

I dare anyone on any other board to put up with the day to day shit we do.

So no, their opinion isn't worth anything to me, they may as well not bother typing

TheMumsRush · 15/03/2014 22:18

True baby. And I find myself questioning my reasonable actions more with my dsc than with my own ds. On MN step mums must not take the place of the dsc's mum yet we must love them as our own.

OP posts:

Perfectlypurple · 15/03/2014 22:20

That's why I don't post about it on here. I am a good step mum and yes I find it hard at times but I wouldn't want a flaming for being upset about something.

TheMumsRush · 15/03/2014 22:27

What a shame perfect :( there are some amazingly helpfully SM's on here. It has helped me, and I know the posters to ignore now.

OP posts:

MatryoshkaDoll · 15/03/2014 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheMumsRush · 15/03/2014 22:37

It's true matry, it's the same old posters with the same old negative opinion (never helpful). I wouldn't mind if they had something other than aa one lined totally useless comment to make...ie "I feel sorry for the kids"!. That may be the case, but say something helpful, otherwise what good are you doing?

OP posts:

Pasithea · 15/03/2014 22:47

How many are step parents. How many have had affairs or are mistresses.

I bet it's loads more than anyone is letting on.

MrsWickens · 15/03/2014 22:53

It definitely puts me off posting my true feelings about being a stepmum. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm not sure how long I can do it for but I am not sure I could cope with the horrible comments if I did post on here.

TheMumsRush · 15/03/2014 22:55

Are mistresses? If they are I don't think you'll find them posting on here (at a guess), I don't image they'd be introduced at that point

OP posts:

FrogbyAnotherName · 15/03/2014 22:56

Well. If you ever needed a point proven, then that's how to go about it.

Well done pasithea - you've reinforced the OPs point better then any SM ever could.

ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight · 15/03/2014 22:58

Haha
Mistresses
P wasn't worth stealing off someone else

MatryoshkaDoll · 15/03/2014 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Perfectlypurple · 15/03/2014 23:00

So if you are a step mum you must have been a mistress/having an affair with your now dh? Utter tosh. Im sure some will have been in that situation but not most.

My dh left his first wife due to unreasonable behaviour. He didn't have a relationship for 2 years after the split. I got together with him 4 years after the split.

TheMumsRush · 15/03/2014 23:01

Thanks pasithea, you have proven my point. My work here us done

OP posts:

TheMumsRush · 15/03/2014 23:02

*is

OP posts:

Pasithea · 15/03/2014 23:02

I hate the way that on other threads if a H has had an affair, the knives and language is out and he is scum. Whereas when it's a W who has had an affair it's well oh dear.

Pasithea · 15/03/2014 23:04

TheMumsRush. You are welcome.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

TheMumsRush · 15/03/2014 23:08

On the loan parenting thread us step mums are always referred to as the OW. If we slip and say bio mum all hell breaks lose! I'm sick of the double standards! I'd love to and shame! I'd also love to go on LP and say to that mum who is bitching about what a pice if shit her ex is "well, you knew what you were getting in to when you married him!" Grrrr

OP posts:

TheMumsRush · 15/03/2014 23:10

Pasithea you have a point there

OP posts:

brdgrl · 15/03/2014 23:12

My DH's first wife died. Before I even met him. But does that mattter? I have gotten exactly the same attitude and bullshit assumptions from morons who post about mistresses and OW. Or who assume that my motives must be suspect by virtue of being (gasp) a stepmum. (And no, he didn't have money, either, please piss off.)

Not that any one posting here needs to justify themselves, actually.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.