So last weekend my boyfriend of a year told me he loved my DD. We were talking about living together, we were both saying how we wanted to wait a few more months, and maybe increase the time he spends at my house with DD.
He was being lovely and said he thinks it will be good, he then said "I love you and DD".
I said "I don't see how you can and don't say it if you don't mean it"
He said he did, then changed the subject.
I was caught way of guard...he spends one evening a week with her and has known her about 9 months. DD is 4 and he doesn't have kids, if that makes any difference.
Part of me feels he said it because he wants to feel it, if that makes sense. Maybe he does mean it....he has done some lovely, thoughtful things for her.
And maybe I'm comparing it to the love I have for her.....thinking he can't possibly love her like I interpret loving her because of the limited time he has known her??
Anyway, he seemed quite hurt by my reaction (which I understand) the next day I did apologise about what I'd said (over text) I explained I no idea he was going to say that (when he told me he loved me I did have an idea it was coming 
). He said not to worry about it.
Do I mention it again? Will I have knocked his confidence maybe? Not really sure if I need to do anything about it or not?
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Step-parenting
Not strictly step parenting (yet), but still think I may have fucked up slightly.....
DoodleBugBug · 03/03/2014 14:02
Maybe try repeating what he said to you back, but substituting 'I have a strong affection towards dd' instead of love?
Of course he can't love her like you do, and that would be asking way too much, but surely he's allowed to feel affection? Tbh the way he's prepared to take things at your dd's pace and considers your dd as part of the package says a lot about him
Talk it through over a cuppa. Talking face to face is always good
Thanks brb.
She is pretty loveable 
Re your second post......we haven't really got to that point yet. He has very subtle started taking on small bits of "parenting" for want of a better word.....eg, "sure, you can watch so and so on TV, but we need to put these toys away first" that type of stuff. Which is fine with me....although I am a bit of a control freak so we will see!!
I'm sure when the time comes to move in, I will be filling this board with my paranoia!
he soulds very sweet, and yeah I thinkvits possible he could genuinely love her, as someone els said, 4 year olds r very sweet and lovable.
iv been with my dp almost 3 years, is very close to my eldest whos almost 15, she doesnt really see her dad and dp has taken on that role, after only a year was saying he loved her like she was his own, it warms my heart to see the special bond they have.
keep hold of this one, he sounds like a gooden
There's only one way to deal with that paranoia and that's lots of frank discussions about your values, views, boundaries and so on. Parenting as a step is bloody hard and by establishing these, and good communication between you both then gives you the best chance of making it work. You'll also be more prepared for less loveable moments when she's older .
Isn't it a but like when we tell our partner we love them after, like six months or something? We think we do and we feel great affection for them but compare that to two, five, ten years down the line and it's just not the same "love". More a genuine affection and fondness..
It is scary because you probably feel like you're now setting her up for a fall if it goes tits up but I don't see the harm. You can choose whether you'd like him to tell her or not...
He sounds like a keeper, by the way
met my STEPchildren
Obviously I met my children before they were 4 years old !!!
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