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what happens wen step siblings hate each other

(15 Posts)
gingermop Fri 28-Feb-14 17:33:47

my ds1 and my dss dont like each other at all, tend to just avoid each other, my ds 11 is very serious and brainy (and knows it) prefers his own company, very shy, awaiting diognosis for aspergers if that has any bearing. dss is almost 9, only child syndrome, very emotional ans also prefers own company.
they clash.
up untill now its been ok, tend to just avoid each other.
today iv got to pick up dsc after school as dp is working late, got there and was told by dp's ex dss want coming.
when got home dp rang and said his ex has been on phone saying dss doesnt want to b here as he says my ds bullies him.
I dont beleive that for a second, I know my boys faults and sometimes he is a bugga but equally dss does similar things back.
dp say hes fuming , says he will talk wen he gets home.
hes so disney dad, hes not getting on so well with my ds lately and I know all blame will b piled at my ds door.
not looking for an answer, just hand holding cause I know this is all gonna blow up.
me and dp just came bak of a mini break, time alone to cement our relationship, came bak feeling so secure, now this, I could cry sad

lunar1 Fri 28-Feb-14 18:45:25

Do you live together?

gingermop Fri 28-Feb-14 20:03:13

we do yes

mymiraclebubba Fri 28-Feb-14 22:22:09

Hope it goes ok and make sure you stand your ground!!

FedupofTurkey Fri 28-Feb-14 22:24:32

I could've written that sad

gingermop Fri 28-Feb-14 22:52:17

Have has ds curled up in my arms sobbing not understanding what hes done wrong :-( iv reassured him hes done nothing and it will b ok.
Dp got home and soon as dss realised dad was no longer at work he wants to be picked up, coincidence, last time i had to collect him he later moaned to dad and was rude saying he didnt want me collecting him, he was told off, i think tonight was more he didnt want me getting him but not wanting to tell that reason.

Dad will still beleive sumthing in the bully accusation.

My ds doesnt want to be here now, wants to go to his dads tomoz :-( think im just gonna take him and my other 3 to visit nan for wknd, get away from here, need sum thinking space.

I thought it would b so easy being a step parent, came into it with blinkers on.

gingermop Fri 28-Feb-14 22:54:00

Fedupofturkey how do u deal with it?

Kaluki Fri 28-Feb-14 22:57:57

You were actually doing your DP a favour picking HIS dc up from school and you are now getting all this shit?
He should pick them up himself in future!!
Going away would be a good idea to get some space for you and DS but don't let it set a precedent and mean that you have to go out when DSS is there every time.

FedupofTurkey Sat 01-Mar-14 07:30:42

Ginger - its difficult, I try and be fair as my ds can be the culprit sometimes, however in the main he isn't. He knows I'm there for him and will support him, I give him advice on what to do/say in certain situations. I am careful with the dss situation, we have come close to splitting up over it. I say my words carefully but get my point across with my partner and generally let him deal with dss - he does deal, not as much as I would though. So I think my main advice would be to be there and support your ds

lunar1 Sat 01-Mar-14 07:47:53

Do you have 4 children? I think it would be really hard to go from being an only child to being in a house with 4 others. I hated sharing my dad with a step sister and there was only one of her. Does. Your dp give his ds plenty if 1:1 time?

gingermop Sat 01-Mar-14 08:15:13

lunar dp has another child, my dsd, shes 4 years older than dss , its like hes an only child though, wen they are boyh home with there mum they take turns to go to nans , always been this way, there with us eow and in between half time with nan/mum.
yep iv got 4.
dp has lots of 1 on 1 time.

Fattyfattyyumyum Sat 01-Mar-14 09:43:20

I don't blame the kid for wanting his dad to collect him. I'd just stay out of arrangements for a while if I were you - you won't win by trying to force yourself on DS, better to let him spend time with his dad

gingermop Sat 01-Mar-14 09:49:24

fatty thats not issue, and trust me im not forcing myself, how do u get to that conclusion! dp wasnt finishing till late, mum refuses to feed them on what is dads nite, dp asked if I could collect so they get dinner at an appropriate time. dsd also wanted to b collected aswell

gingermop Sat 01-Mar-14 09:53:00

if ds wanted dad to collect him thats cool, couldnt care less.
what is not acceptable is my child being accused of bullying

russianfudge Sat 01-Mar-14 22:02:04

It's a shame mum jumped on the defensive instead of working this through. I would tell your dp that until it is resolved he will need to fetch his son.

It's horrible when you feel your child is being adversely affected by their step sibling. You feel very torn between caring for the step child as you know you should, Vs your natural instinct to protect your biological child.
Will your dp understand how you feel?

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