Family split

[Littleflower123]

I have recently split from my husband and my eldest daughter has said she wants to live with dad. But he's just bought her. She hated him before I told him to leave and now he's splashing the cash. I'm devastated. He's promised her a puppy, a holiday, all the things that previously we have said no to. I'm not gonna compete, she's not a prize, I love her but it feels like I'm losing her. Someone please just tell me this will all end.

[mymiraclebubba]

It will when the novelty wears off and he actually has to parent!

Let it happen (she will resent you if you try to stop her) but make sure you arrange strict overnights etc with you and make sure you get quality girly time with her

There is no easy answer I am afraid, only thing to do is minimise the hurt for you both

[Whereisegg]

Oh op

if you agree, what would the practicalities be?
would it mean long days for her in terms of wrap around care?
would she have to change schools and leave friends?

these are all things you could gently point out to her maybe?

[purpleroses]

How old is your DD? Is it feasible to split the care of her with your ex - so she gets to enjoy a puppy, have money spent on her or whatever else he's promising but still lives with you for a good chunk of the time?

If it goes to court it's usually the parent who'd been doing most of the day to day care previously who gets the main residency. The other parent more often gets alternate weekends and maybe a night in the week.

[russianfudge]

Yes, maybe suggest a 50/50 arrangement for now? How heart breaking for you x

[daisychain01]

I would reinforce strongly how much you both love your DD, how love can be expressed in many forms and that just because you don't buy her a puppy or give her lots of presents, it does not mean you love her less.

I would resist the temptation to bad-mouth your ex, it will only come back to bite you on the bum (like that sodding puppy).

You are in it for the 'long haul' - those messages can take years for DCs to truly appreciate. Don't give up, stay positive and make sure you give your DD lots of opportunities to have bonding time with you.

[Littleflower123]

Trouble is if I say no he says yes. If I say don't do it he will take her to do it. He will do ANYTHING to undermine my relationship. He has no issue with her talking to me her sister or my parents like absolute crap and when I tell her it's unacceptable they both sit and just laugh. She has no respect anymore. I love her but right now I think she's a horrible person and that breaks my heart. He has spent nearly £1000 on her and nothing on her little sister. He's behaving like he has just one child and she's behaving like she has just one parent. I am so heartbroken