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would you take a stranger's child abroad on hloiday?

(20 Posts)
trooperlooperdo Thu 20-Feb-14 12:57:26

youngest SC (15) wants to take a friend with us when we go abroad in the summer. oldest sc has said that they do not wish to go with us.
We go for three weeks - a week of which is in hotel family rooms as we travel 3 days to get there and three days to get back
there'll be OH, me, my 13yr old of the opposite sex to the 2 x 15yr olds.
where we stay for two weeks has 2 bedrooms and a sofa bed in the lounge. one toilet / shower which both bedrooms access by going through the lounge.
OH & I have never met this friend.
Both SCs and the BM have significant history in making up lies about OH & I. My profession makes no allowances for accusations be they from lunatics like the BM or otherwise. I have been bloody lucky so far, but probably more to do with the fact that I have had very little to do with either sc for the past 18 months.
Both SC have previous in bullying with eldest having previously assulted the 13yr old, although youngest sc gets on great guns with 13yr old when it's just the pair of them, when youngest sc has friends about, bullying of the 13yr old is rife. 13yr old is quite shy and introverted and understandably gets very upset with the bullying.

sc 15 phoned OH up tuesday insisting that unless friend came they wouldn't be coming either. OH explained that it wasn't appropriate to take a teenager that nobody knew away for three weeks where for 6 of those days we'd be expected to share a room. SD then called OH a pillock for inferring that their friends are wierd and burst into tears whislt sobbing at him that it's the second time he's stopped them from going abroad with him in the summer (quite apart from the fact that last year, both sc decided that they were going to go abroad on a non-existant holiday with their elderly mother instead) nobody is stopping either sc from coming this year - it's their own insistance; eldest that they aren't going full stop and youngest that they must bring a friend or they don't come. Eldest Sc then refused to come to the phone to talk to OH because he'd upset youngest sc and simply hung up the phone.

bloody kids

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow Thu 20-Feb-14 13:00:07

Nah, I wouldn't. You offered him a holiday, he either takes it or it's his loss if he doesn't.

Ungrateful aren't they grin

starlight1234 Thu 20-Feb-14 13:03:43

eer no I wouldn't...I don't do emotional blackmail...

BuzzLightbulb Thu 20-Feb-14 15:20:22

No for many reasons.

You haven't met the child or the parents and you're staying in a confined space where privacy even as a family is going to be a push.

You've got your 13 yr old to think about.

And the blackmail/threat... bit of a teenage thing to do, probably doesn't mean it so woudl be harsh to hold him to it. You could ask what he'd be doing while you were away?

We have taken kids friends with us. Never overnight, always had their own room/tent/shared with kids not us.

I had a friend come camping with us in France when I was that age, but my parents knew his and times were different then.....

purpleroses Thu 20-Feb-14 15:29:44

I might take a friend who knew the family well for a week if there was space and it wouldn't upset the rest of the family dynamic.
But in the circumstances you describe no definitely not. 3 weeks is a long time. You don't know the child and it would mean your 13 year I'll old gets left out.

purpleroses Thu 20-Feb-14 15:33:48

Refusing family holidays is a bit of a teenage thing, and one that stepkids tend to get away with because there's another parent to have them. My DSD has opted out the last two years - but this year she says she'd like to come smile
So I think they can grow out of it DSD will be 17 by the summer so this will be the first holiday she's done with us since she was 14

purpleroses Thu 20-Feb-14 15:34:04

I might take a friend who knew the family well for a week if there was space and it wouldn't upset the rest of the family dynamic.
But in the circumstances you describe no definitely not. 3 weeks is a long time. You don't know the child and it would mean your 13 year I'll old gets left out.

purpleroses Thu 20-Feb-14 15:34:05

I might take a friend who knew the family well for a week if there was space and it wouldn't upset the rest of the family dynamic.
But in the circumstances you describe no definitely not. 3 weeks is a long time. You don't know the child and it would mean your 13 year I'll old gets left out.

Loveineveryspoonful Fri 21-Feb-14 07:07:01

We are in fact taking a friend along for a week in the summer.
Its a neighbour boy (15) who's friends with both ds (16) and dss (13), he v often does sleepovers at our place and feels part of the family. Our boys get on really well, but I'm glad this friend asked to come along too (lol) to be sure that there is general good cheer when abroad. And as the boys are all teens now it means they can be off doing some own things while dh and I have time to ourselves too (it's my small, old home town, nothing too wild happening there). I'm looking forward to it.
Sadly though, part of my holiday happiness is linked to dsd having chosen to spend a month with her gps abroad. She's been so spoilt by both parents she has become a willful and unpleasant girl and would have bullied her younger db and/or my ds depending what mood she's in. And as dh won't ever discipline her it would have ruined it for everybody. And I'm not the wicked sm victimizing her, her gps needed a month to decide to let her come as she basically wants to be carried about in a handbasket, at 17.
Taking neighbour boy on holiday actually reassures me I still like kids and am not turning into a stepmonster.

croquet Fri 21-Feb-14 10:32:40

Sounds like a f*ing nightmare! cake

ImperialBlether Fri 21-Feb-14 10:40:08

I'd go on a different holiday with your own child if they are coming.

Having said that, I really dislike BM (Birth Mother) as an acronym. She is their mother. It's not as though the children see you as their mother, is it?

trooperlooperdo Fri 21-Feb-14 17:07:18

BM = bitch mother? :D

UsingMyRedPen Sat 22-Feb-14 08:59:00

"I really dislike BM (Birth Mother) as an acronym. She is their mother." I agree. BM should be used for mother who gave birth to but did not raise the children, you DSC's are not adopted, she is their mother.

I wouldn't take this other teenager either. It has the potential to go horribly wrong and seems very likely to spoil the holiday for your 13 yr old. Since teens generally start opting out of family holidays at 15/16 anyway, I'd say enjoy the ones you can with yours and when they're older the DSC might start opting back in.

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 22-Feb-14 09:04:35

No. Not only for the fact that you don't know the kid and he might not actually enjoy it and you will all be stuck with a whiny teenager.

I'd say 'no problem, if you don't want to come then that's your choice'. Don't get into a bargaining argument > road to hell.

MrsPresley Sat 22-Feb-14 09:06:11

I'd like to know just how "elderly" the mum is hmm

And as for referring to her as "bitch mother" that's just horrible angry sad

daisychain01 Sat 22-Feb-14 12:58:26

It sounds like a recipe for disaster, as holidays can be stressful at the best of times (isn't that so ironic!), but going away with all that bad feeling and history as well, it could easily spiral into a pressure cooker situation.

Play it safe, your DSS has decided he doesnt want to come along, well fine, "please yourself then, no one's forcing you!" Is a reasonable reply smile

I have been re-educated thanks to the SP board about the very limited use of birth mother as a description, mainly because my DPs ex insisted on calling herself that way, so I thought it was acceptable (but I think she was saying it to make a point, not that she needed to, really but hey ho!).

Awww purple thats nice your DSD wants to get back to family holidays. Sometimes "letting them be" and giving them space to grow up has a good effect and they realise they may just be missing the fun!

NigellasDealer Sat 22-Feb-14 13:03:21

fwiw stick to your guns, why should this child hi-jack your family holiday.

on the other hand why do you dislike them so much?

why are you talking about the 'elderly BM'?

she is not their 'birth mother' that is a term for someone who gave birth and did not raise their child.

why are you caling her 'elderly'?

sounds really bitchy

Floggingmolly Sat 22-Feb-14 13:07:39

Not in a million years. If the 15 year old won't accept that; leave them out of your plans as well.

Notify Sat 22-Feb-14 13:14:06

TBH, if there was no SC dynamic, you knew the child well and thought she and her parents were delightful I'd still think 3 weeks was far too long.

There's no way 2 15 yo girls are going to get along without falling out for 3 weeks in close confines - let alone what they'll do you your sanity

Say no. What does DH think?

trooperlooperdo Sat 22-Feb-14 14:11:08

MrsPresley she's the bitch mother and always will be because if the accusations she's thrown at OH & I (even before I met the SC or her she was calling all sorts of things and complaining to social services about me) On holiday she was sending eldest SC texts instructing her to "kick the shit out of" my child who is 4 years younger and significantly smaller, I could go on but i'd be here all day. The woman is a concentrated bitch who isn't fit to parent an apple and tells lies just for the sake of it.

NigellasDealer the nicest way she referrs to me is as "that fucking child bride" (I'm 4 years younger than OH and wont ever see 40 again) she'll be referred to as elderly...being older than OH

As for disliking them; Both SCs and the bm have significant history in making up lies about OH & I. My profession makes no allowances for accusations be they from lunatics like the BM or otherwise. I have been bloody lucky so far, but probably more to do with the fact that I have had very little to do with either sc for the past 18 months thanks to the last lot of accusations they threw at me and the way they treat my child.
Both SC have previous in bullying with eldest having previously assulted the 13yr old, although youngest sc gets on great guns with 13yr old when it's just the pair of them, when youngest sc has friends about, bullying of the 13yr old is rife. 13yr old is quite shy and introverted and understandably gets very upset with the bullying.

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