Out of the mouths of babes and step children(9 Posts)
We agreed years ago that I wouldn't try and be the third parent in the DSC's lives which meant leaving reinforcing house rules, behaviour etc to DP.
Never turns out quite as black and white as that and the usual frustrations with each others approaches bubbled up on more than one occasion.
Last night at dinner, can't remember what was said exactly to cause this but DSD14 pipes up with
"You can tell us what to do as well you know, we have been living here for four years !"
So I asked if that was ok with all three of them, and they said yes.
A corner turned?
Don't let them lull you into a false sense of security - teens are known for their unpredictability and remember, they hunt in packs!
It does sound like you're well on your way to acceptance, which is great - I keep telling my DH that the fact that my DD backchats and is sarcastic with him is a backhanded compliment! (She still gets pulled up on it though!)
How funny!! Nice that they feel that way
I have heard my DS and DSS whispering together about whether to ask DP or myself for something because although he is more likely to say yes than me, I have the final say and will get the hump if they ask him first!"
Kids aren't stupid are they!!
Aah, so tha't's why DSS gives me the 'chat' every now and then? Not because he's giving me a hard time, it's an adult and boundaries thing?
Interesting, I shall try not to do the male lion swatting an annoying cub thing in future. Verbally before anyone phones Childline!
I have no idea of your backstory. It sounds really positive and like they love and respect you. Perhaps they just want a "normal" parental type relationship with you, and that means sometimes telling them off or pulling them up on something. It's really hard to tread that line as a SM. If they are saying its ok then it sounds like you've been doing a good job.
No love. They are teenagers. What are they up to?
They like my cooking??
About a month ago, same DSD sat down to dinner on the first night of their week with us, took one mouthful of her meal and exclaimed
"Oh my God, the food is so good here!"
Which I took as a bit of a compliment even with the knowledge they eat a lot of ready meals and take away when they're not with us and fresh food must taste better by default.
:-) That's really warming. My DH is firm sometimes and can be wrapped round my DSD's (14yo) little finger other times. Not uncommonly for a stepparent I'm a bit more strict tough. We're still working out my role and how much DH is comfortable letting me 'in'. But my DSD has done the same as yours saying after our wedding when I moved in with them "you DO live here now you know, you CAN make decisions". I've reminded her pa, who is over-protective (his words) that he can make this sort of comment too!
When DSD and I were out bridesmaid dress shopping, she got a little snappy with me towards the end of the day. She apologised within minutes and I can't recall how we go there, but we agreed that I would tell her when she was being rude (I guess it was more an agreement that she would accept being pulled up on her behaviour). I haven't needed to say too much to her because I prefer to defer to and influence her dad for difficult stuff. But there have been a couple times when I've gently said - "do you remember when we agreed I would tell you... well when you did x just now, that was rude". Just a look from me works sometimes. One time I fedback to her about being rude to her dad. I didn't tell him that, but he told me that she had texted him later that day with an apology for her behaviour. When I get the "you're not my mum" rant I think I'll be saying to myself "well we've finally got this far, Hallelujah!"
I used to think I needed to wait till DH 'gives permission' for my input on certain things. That's still largely the case, but I also pace my DSD too and am guided by her. So yes they are teenagers, so goodness knows what could be going on. But also take heart - sounds like they more than like you.x
I meant 'strict, though' (missing h), not strict tough! What a difference an h makes!
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