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Dss has said some morbid things

(21 Posts)
K8eee Thu 13-Feb-14 11:48:59

I'm pg with mine and dh's first baby. Dss is excited but only if it's a boy sad ok he's 7 and a half so I know he hates girls at this age, but he's said some really horrible things. We've asked him what he would like; brother or sister? Straight away it was a brother. Dh then said well what if it's a girl his replies have been 'I'll beat you/the baby up' and 'I'll kill you'. He hasn't been upset at all and isn't generally aggressive but I'm so worried that when the baby does come obviously he's going to get jealous as dh attention will be diverted, but we've tried to reassure him as much as possible and tell him we'll still love him as much as we always have when the baby arrives etc...

Has anyone else experienced this? And what was the result when the baby was born?

SPsMrLoverManSHABBA Thu 13-Feb-14 11:53:13

I threatened to flush my sibling away if it was another boy. It was a boy but I didn't di anything. Tbf I was the oldest and already had 2 brothers and then he ended up as my third.

I think its just words but I would be sitting him down and talking about what he is saying. He needs to know that he is been hurtful.

K8eee Thu 13-Feb-14 11:55:54

Dh doesn't see it as a concern and just laughs it off. I feel it's something to keep in mind if it is a girl as I don't want him to turn and get nasty sad

SPsMrLoverManSHABBA Thu 13-Feb-14 11:57:05

Your husband needs to stop laughing. Yes children say such things but that doesn't mean he should just laugh.

Xalla Thu 13-Feb-14 12:11:23

I wouldn't worry. My DS5 said similar things when I was expecting our third. We already had DSD and DD so he was desperate for a brother. She turned out pink, she's 4 months old now and he adores her.

DH should spend some time preparing him. If you're going to find out what you're having, I think that can help younger children identify more with what's coming. They can help get things ready for the baby, we semi-let ours choose the name (quite a big of coercion there, I admit), etc etc.

Congrats on your pregnancy. Enjoy it.

K8eee Thu 13-Feb-14 13:57:12

I'm 34 weeks so I haven't got too long to go, and dh wanted to know the sex but I didn't so he found out at the 20 week scan but has kept it a secret from me and our families. We've tried to involve him but he shows little interest sad we haven't wanted to drum it into him, but have tried to bring it up with him.

anklebitersmum Thu 13-Feb-14 14:37:01

I wouldn't worry-honestly I wanted a donkey not a new baby anything and made my feelings quite clear apparently (I was 3).

Our two 'original' biters wanted a new baby boy biter not a girl. They got a girl and were also bitterly disappointed that she wasn't going to be up for playing football any time soon. When asked what they thought of new baby sister they said "She's cute but a bit boring."

As long as everyone still treats him well and they don't beeline to baby & ignore him I'm sure he'll be fine.

Oh, and 7yr old boys think beating up and killing stuff (in a fantasy way) is 'cool' and have to be reminded that it's not a nice thing to say on a regular basis grin

RedFocus Thu 13-Feb-14 14:49:52

My brother put me in a chest of drawers when I was a baby because my parents wouldn't/couldn't send me back, my mum was frantic until she heard me crying and rescued me. Funnily enough we are incredibly close now though.

Innogen Thu 13-Feb-14 14:51:45

I was throwing my impending baby brother in the wheelie bin at his age. Wanted a sister.

Had a brother. Nothing happened. It's all kid rhetoric, not fully understanding that you don't get to choose. I'm sure he won't hurt the baby if he's not usually a problem kid.

Timetoask Thu 13-Feb-14 14:56:34

My mum tells me (I am a girl BTW) that when I was born my brother told her not to bother coming back home because I wasn't a boy!
He is absolutely fine!

Kaluki Thu 13-Feb-14 15:29:58

Ds1 was going to throw that baby in the bin for my whole pregnancy with ds2
Needless to say he never did!!! grin

purpleroses Thu 13-Feb-14 16:39:48

Have you considered finding out? Is ask your dh to tell you and DSS?
It would give you time to prepare DSS (or relax if he is in fact getting the brother he wants). And getting a surprise isn't so great if you have anxieties about one or other option (because you're worried about DSS's reaction)
It must be hard for your DH to have a proper conversation with you about how DSS would handle a girl if he actually knows which it is.

daisychain01 Thu 13-Feb-14 21:43:35

When that little baby pops out into the world and DSS sees him or her and its a reality, he will love the baby! Dont worry. Just keep him involved as you are doing, all will be well. Hope all goes well!

nkf Thu 13-Feb-14 21:44:52

He's struggling with feelings of displacement.

Innogen Thu 13-Feb-14 23:03:09

OP, if DH knows the sex and is laughing off your DSS comments, maybe it is what he is hoping for?

His reaction may be based on that knowledge.

BeckyS321 Fri 14-Feb-14 09:24:07

DSS1 said something similar when I was expecting DD and he is now besotted with her even though she is a girl

AddictedtoGreys Tue 18-Feb-14 13:47:27

my 5 year old DSD was desperate for a sister, when asked what she would think if she had a brother she said she wouldn't like him, didn't want him, etc. needless to say she has a 9 month old baby brother and has adored him from the minute she met him ;) we were talking the other day about possibly having another baby in the future and now she wants another brother! they don't know what they are saying and don't mean it so don't worry smile

pinkbraces Tue 18-Feb-14 13:51:38

My DD was 7 when her Dad and DSM were expecting a boy. She wouldn't speak to either of them for at least a week as she wanted a girl.

She is now 19 and they are very close smile

Asteria Thu 27-Feb-14 22:55:49

I wouldn't worry - DS went through a morbid phase at a similar age and when we got a new BBQ last summer DSS (5) announced it was the perfect size for cooking a baby. Not the nicest sentiments but a gentle explanation as to why that would not be very kind - and perhaps reassurance that he would get just as much love, may help.

brdgrl Fri 28-Feb-14 09:01:44

What do you guys say to him when he uses that kind of aggressive language?

Regardless of whether it is any indicator of how he actually will respond to the baby when s/he arrives, I wouldn't just leave it if my kid were talking like that anyway.

brdgrl Fri 28-Feb-14 09:02:02

oh, and congratulations!

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