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A whinge about inequalities

(13 Posts)
MsColour Fri 07-Feb-14 18:24:34

My own dcs dad will not communicate and will not let me have phone contact when he has them. I will just get accused of interfering if i even try. My dd (7) was tearful this morning on the way to school this morning and she's with her dad now. I would like to know if she is ok. He won't return a text and won't answer if I phone.

Yet when we have dss, his mum is constantly texting, phoning, trying to micromanage his life and it's annoying but we don't stop her.

Nothing can be done. Just grates.

needaholidaynow Fri 07-Feb-14 19:02:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GTA5MASTER Sat 08-Feb-14 07:13:23

In our house i'm the mum who texts every five minutes to check the kids are ok with their dad. My ex is fine with this and usually he sends me photo updates during the day or my kids FaceTime me themselves.
My husbands ex waves goodbye and then we don't hear from her at all. On Christmas Day my husband had to ring her to get her to speak to her own kids and then she was on the phone for a minute and couldn't wait to go. Well she has 5 kids (3 are my husbands) so I guess she wants a total break. I just can't stand not being on contact with mine and I miss them so much when they are not with me.
Your ex op is being childish and I think open comms is very important and you must stress this to him. How would he like it if you blanked him?!

TheMumsRush Sat 08-Feb-14 08:50:42

Never understood the need for constant contact. If there is an emergency surly the parent with the children will let the other know. Otherwise let them all get on with it.

Bonsoir Sat 08-Feb-14 08:52:36

You shouldn't need to speak to your DC more than 3x a week when they are with their other parent. Any more is overkill.

TheMumsRush Sat 08-Feb-14 08:56:50

I've also found it can de quite upsetting for the dsc to have mum constantly on the phone, saying she misses them

Xalla Sat 08-Feb-14 10:23:01

In our house DSD calls whichever parent she's not with each Wednesday and Sunday. Can you try and suggest something like that to your ex so that it works both ways?

curlew Sat 08-Feb-14 10:28:12

Both wrong!

Your children's father should contact you more, your ss's mum should contact you less.

Maybe83 Sat 08-Feb-14 13:20:04

Why don't you need to speak to your children more than 3 times a week if separated?

My dd speaks to her dad every evening 5 min chat how's school etc. As do I when she s with her dad. She has her own phone and contacts us her self, or we ring each other s phones My dh speaks to his son every day.

I mean we see and speak to our joint dd every day. Our dd as a right to parents who are interested and involved her life that doesn't come with a cut of because we aren't together.

Big difference in literally every 5 mins which isn't on and I would imagine quite disruptive and how s your day good night love.

Your ex is very wrong your dd is still quite young and should have access to both parents with in reason when she wants.

shey02 Sat 08-Feb-14 16:51:59

Personally, a routine the works well for everyone is the middle ground. I don't mind my exh phoning the kids whenever, however when they are with him as the time is less and I find one child does get homesick, I do NOT phone them. The two eldest have phones and the youngest has access to them. So, I find it kinder on them and less emotionally disruptive to leave them in peace and if they need me they will call me.

MissWimpyDimple Sat 08-Feb-14 16:59:32

I try very hard not to bother them when DD is with her dad. Historically we have always avoided phoning and wanting to talk to DD. It's harder for her if I do speak to her and she generally just wants to come home then.

MsColour Sun 09-Feb-14 09:06:04

I would love there to be some middle ground.

ShesYourDaughter Sun 09-Feb-14 17:39:59

Depends on what the contact is all about surely?

My DP contacts her kids when she wants to find out how they are if they've been ill, remind them of hair, doctor or dental appointments, congratulate them on some achievement or other, school exams etc.

Sounds like a long list but it doesn't turn out to be that often. But when you get texts from the school saying your kids are on unauthorised absence, or another parent tells you theyve been off school il or they message you late at night in tears sometimes you have to break the embargo.

I could do without the whiney face time conversations their dad has with them when they're with us though! Sometimes it's funny listening to the kids being the adult, but less frequently would be nice.

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