Dsc's - odd or just different(9 Posts)
Special events always bring this to the fore and I'm still not used to it.
When I was a kid, and my kids were brought up this way too, a birthday was a special day for the birthday boy or girl and the world revolved around them. Everything else fell by the wayside for just that one day, their birthday party, or meals when older.
So the brothers or sisters were all at home after school so mum and dad could do the birthday thing, any after school activities were missed for the day.
And surprises were just that.
My dsc have a completely different perspective. They say they love surprises but when one is mentioned they will not rest, and I mean will absolutely not rest until they've found out what it is or think they've guessed it. So it's not a surprise, they just want to know what the treat is.
Tomorrow is oldest dsc's 16th. We have an evening planned for her. She has extra tuition and tea at her dads tonight as usual and if he decides to give her a birthday treat for dinner tonight that's his choice.
But her younger sister, after shopping for a birthday present after school, has also gone over to give her the present, and to crash the birthday tea with dad.
And tomorrow younger sister is insisting on going to hockey training after school, she says she'll arrange her own lift there and back. Pointing out it's her sister's 16th makes no impression. That conversation continues...
Is this is unusual? Was I over indulged as a child and did the same to mine?
Christmas is a whole different story altogether.......
Not sure how old your younger DSC is, but surely at the age of 16, arent they a bit too old for "surprises"? Does it matter so much any more? Maybe its time to start treating them more like young adults rather that thinking about them as children - and drop the importance of birthdays, in the childish sense.
Maybe they feel they are being treated like babies? By teenage years that is like red rag to a bull
Doesn't sound odd to me - just different traditions in different families.
My DCs would probably be hurt if I bought them a birthday cake from a shop - as I always make them. But DSC would think something was wrong with the world if they didn't get Sainsbury's large chocolate cake every single time....
Doing birthday celebrations at both houses tends to go down very well with younger children who can't get enough of it all, but possibly less good for teens who have other priorities too in their lives - and may be off out celebrating with their friends
I struggled with this as we were always surprised by presents as kids, then as teens we asked for money as a main present then got a couple of little gifts in addition.
With DSD every penny is accounted for. She will ask a couple of months in advance how much money she is getting them she will order precisely what she wants online and if it comes early (which inevitably it does) she just has it there and then. Birthday day is about opening cards from relatives who always give money to the same value every year and DSD banks on it.
There's no ceremony or anything special or a surprise of any kind. And as for anyone else's birthday... forget it! You'll be lucky to get a nod from her in your general direction.
Birthdays and Xmas traditions are always tricky to navigate in "blended" families. Saying that, even with two parents who are together, there will be differences. When I was with my daughter's dad I struggled at Xmas because I open presents
at 5am in the morning, and they open presents after lunch.
I don't think what you describe sounds normal. It must be more complicated in step families.
Aggghhhh! Sorry, I just reread my post. I meant to say I think what you describes sounds normal. .
the complete opposite of what I wrote
Just different. I wouldn't expect everyone in our house to stop all activities just because it was one person's birthday. Esp in a blended family - therein lies the road to resentment (I am both a mum and a SM, so I live in a blended family). I certainly wouldn't expect everyone to drop everything so that the whole day "revolved" around the birthday person. Here, we have cards etc first thing, the birthday person might choose their favourite dinner, I would make or buy a cake. The birthday person would still go to school/work/after school activities, as would the rest of the family.
I think it's you who is a bit odd about birthdays. I'm with your DSC on this one.
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