Next steps / aibu(6 Posts)
Will try and not let this get too long and protracted especially as I fear bring identified.
DSc lives with us the majority of the time apart from eow and some holidays, this was decided after a court hearing. Oh, and that there is shared residency. There is a judgement in place but it basically states the above with dscs parents working out the finer detail. This is where the problem is.
There is about a 1 hr 45 journey time between both homes. Other parent picks dsc up and drops back mostly, although there have been times where meeting halfway had happened. Ex often changes plans re travel, phone contact etc.. Argues over holidays and will not give an inch, however expects my dp to. This past month has culminated in dscs routine being severely messed with as well as our plans. Can't say too much as some of this stuff is really specific. Ultimately dsc misses out as ex put the block on things that do not suit.
I'll stop rambling. The question is. Can do / is if worth do heading back to court to get some consistency? There are continual ( daily) disputes, dsc are starting to say awful things to dp and my dsc life is being damaged by the chopping and changing. Had enough and just want a resolution. Aibu to want dp to initiate court proceedings?
You need to start a diary of where things have been disrupted for no good reason, or go against the agreement. I'd suggest a consistent trail of three months before going near a solicitor.
It is still true to this day you will struggle to get a finding against the natural mother unless there is neglect. And any judgement you do get is only enforceable by going back to court, it can be endless and expensive.
I'd suggest DP writing to ex reminding her of that agreements, and suggesting if there is a problem they can renegotiate. Be clear you feel this stability is in the interests of the children.
She sounds very unreasonable and determined to make you and dp fit around her life and will do nothing to fit around yours. In fact some of it sounds deliberate. Clear and succinct communication, maybe via letter or email of problems caused, your suggestions of how these can/should be resolved and consequences (that you and dp agree on) if these are not adhered to are probably a good starting point. The courts aren't that interested in the finer points of how shared residence happens as long as it happens although dh can make an application to vary an existing shared residence order if he is sure about how he wants things to change and the finer details more set in stone. Sadly, in my experience, the only way to deal with such a person is not to be so accommodating if them either although not an ideal solution as it just makes then nastier and more cunning and manipulative, often using the child to get at you. Good luck but get legal
Advice. That's usually free and will let you know your options, if you have any. Sometimes a nearly letter from a solicitor is all it takes!
On and you don't need a solicitor to go back to court if expense is an issue. Just be clear about the arrangements you do want to be put into an order, eg set night/time for phone contact/drop off/pick up. Then if she ruins big plans like a holiday or something she can be made to pay compensation. Also can specify which part of every holiday period, eg first two weeks of summer etc... Then you all know where you are. Can also get her to make an undertaking that she will not discuss adult disputes with dsc.
Thanks for the responses on this.
A letter has already gone to ex's solicitor and there hasn't as yet been a response. It seems to be the case that what isn't liked is ignored and things press on as normal.
Will a court really find it unreasonable to make the order more specific. Not looking for a variation as such, just clear lines set out for the good of all.
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