My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice.

Step-parenting

Impossible logistical situation?

6 replies

DLCC · 26/01/2014 12:10

Hi there

I'm here posting again to see if I can get some more great advice on my situation and whether anyone has been here before.

If you have seen previous posts you will know that myself and DP have two DS each (mine are 9&4) his (10&8) I have my children most of the time apart from EOW, he has his 50% of the time. They live a 45 minute drive from us (really nice area). I own a house and he is in rented and the house he is in is now on the market. In November we decided that we would rent together slap bang in the middle of the both us but then our sums didn't quite add up and we decided against it. He then decided that he would buy so that we would both have a house and if all goes to plan sell them both in a couple of years and buy together. However he is going to have to get a 95% mortgage on a £300k property as he has no deposit, he will be left very short at the end of the month. Where he needs to live there is not a lot available within his budget so we decided to look at renting again halfway, rejigging our sums, however where we need to be is expensive and hardly anything comes up to rent in our budget. I want to be in a relationship where I can imagine living with them at some point in the future, I don't want to have separate lives forever. With anyone.

Both of our eldest children are in Y5 so we need to make our decisions for secondary by October 31st. There is an outstanding secondary where DP lives which is where his DS's will go. My options are as follows and I wondered what opinions anyone may have:

a) we carry on as we are, he rents in his area, we spend the summer together as a temporary living arrangement to see how it goes
b) I rent my place out and we TRY and find somewhere halfway
c) He buys then we sell both in a couple of year
d) I rent mine out, move to his area and put my sons in local schools (but my son has SATs in September going into Y6?)
e) Do I just throw in the towel and accept that it's just an impossible situation?

I just don't know what to do, a couple of friends said that if I really loved him I wouldn't give it a second thought and would just move...

I do love him and can see a future with him, it's just that the schooling is just making the decision harder.

Please help....

OP posts:
Report
MsColour · 26/01/2014 12:38

I think the friends' comments of if you loved him you would just move are unhelpful and simplistic.

Wondering what your dsc's mum's views are on the schooling as that needs to be taken into account as well.

Report
eslteacher · 26/01/2014 12:48

I agree with MsColour, your friends' comments are not helpful. You are doing the right thing thinking this through very carefully, a quick read through a random selection of threads on this board will show you how difficult and complicated blending families can be. All very well to follow your heart and do things purely for love when you are unattached, but not when there are 4 children to consider!

Option a sounds like a really good compromise to me, and in the meantime you could keep looking for a house to rent in the elusive 'right area right price' zone.

Report
DLCC · 26/01/2014 14:21

Thank you for your comments, DP's ex is in full agreement with DP that their boys will be going to the local secondary so in a perfect world all four boys would end up there. We currently have two in Y5, one in Y4 and one in Reception. His boys wouldn't have to change schools or activities, it would be mine that would...

OP posts:
Report
Tuckshop · 26/01/2014 15:30

Why are you looking for somewhere halfway? If the schools are good where he is why aren't you looking there?

Report
MsColour · 26/01/2014 15:40

I don't think him buying then selling in a couple of years is a great option as buying and selling houses is stressful, can take a long time and expensive once you take solicitors fees etc into account.

Your first option seems best for now.

Report
Daykin · 26/01/2014 15:46

If you moved to where he lives would you get school places for your boys for next year? If so I'd be inclined to rent a new place in his area in the summer and rent out your house.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.