Tell tales!

[LouiseSmith]

Ok, so DSD has been doing the "DS did this" or "DS did that" even when there's no issue. No tears, no drama, no problem. She will come and find us and say "DS did this"

She is 6, DS is 4. She seems to be constantly trying to get my DS in trouble. How is best to deal with this? I thought originally it was her testing the water and if we remained consistent she would ease up a little. It's getting worse.

I put there dinner infront of them yesterday, a meal both like and both have eaten before and DSD exclaims "don't like it" complete with pout, so I explain it's chicken, you've had it before. She holds fast she doesn't want it. I give her the it's this or nothing option. She chooses nothing, I put food in bin, cue an hour long tantrum.

She's not a bad kid, she just seems a bit difficult ATM. Both me and DP are at out wits end. WWUD?

[paperlantern]

deal with your ds if he is doing something wrong, tell dsd to stop making a fuss if she is.

[RandomMess]

Tbh sounds like a normal 6 year old thing to me!! Many dc go through this intense "police man" stage. Relfective listening may help.

What is your family set up, does she live with you full time?

[redcaryellowcar]

from watching friends children there seems a slightly odd dynamic between older sister younger brother combinations, i appreciate this is totally unavoidable but it does also seem that older sisters are determined to 'trip up' younger brothers, made more tricky in your situation as she is dsd rather than ft dd. i am sorry i don't have a remedy but thought worth perhaps saying it likely isn't a step sister thing?

[headinhands]

Another one who doesn't see it as a sp issue but just a general phase or personality thing. Also the dinner thing is normal although I wouldn't have put it in the bin. I would say 'you don't have to eat it but you do have to sit at the table while we do' generally they will start eating after 5 minutes of sulking.

[paperlantern]

agree really not a step problem

[LouiseSmith]

We have tried the sit at the table while we do. She really wants Disney to relent and go get her mac Donald's. Like he has done before, and it all came to a head between me and DP last weekend after the issue. So it's not happening anymore.

I put it in the bin as more of a shock tactic, there was more left over if she wanted to eat it, she was offered several times. She declined. And when we did put another plate in front of her (after she asked) it was thrown onto the floor.

My DS is disciplined when he has done wrong, And of it's a joint thing and we dont know who done it, they are both told off and lost privileges.

[JeanSeberg]

How is her dad disciplining her for throwing food on the floor?

[LouiseSmith]

He said "oh dear, what a silly accident" and I want to implode! He's going for the softly softly approach to scared she won't wanna come over if she is told off or told no.

She is with us 3 weekends out of four, in an agreement with the courts so both parents get some quality time.

And because she is my Step daughter. I posted it in the step parenting section,where should I have posted it?

[paperlantern]

not a problem where you post it but wouldn't get hung up on the step side.

Actually wouldn't have a problem with the way your dp handled it as long as he didn't start cooking something else/take her to McDonald's

[RandomMess]

TBH under the circumstances I think your dps reaction was ok as your dsd probably wanted a big reaction and she didn't. completely ignoring it would have been better.

I too wouldn't get hung up about where you posted it. The way the op post was written I had the impression she may be with you full time.

Do you think in general that there is too much discipling and not enough ignoring going on? It is going to take time for your dsd to test the boundaries to check and see if the disney parenting is going to reappear.

The tell taling is a stage/age thing. I can only suggest strongly with the dynamics that have been going on doing lots of reflective listening. "Oh did he?" "you sound cross about that" - that kind of thing.

Lots of naughty/undesirable behaviour is about getting attention. Somehow there needs to be a huge shift in the house about positive attention for good behaviour without the re-emergence of disney dad.

Is your ds your dps?

[FeelingTheFire]

It's a typical child issue I think. I go through it on a daily basis with mine. It can drive you absolutely bonkers but I've learnt to selectively hear .

Sounds like she's testing the water so see how far she can push buttons. Again, I think it's a normal phase any child goes through. :)

[Kaluki]

Your DP needs to discipline her more than you really or you will just be the baddies all the time.
My DSD is a terrible snitch. She loves getting people into trouble and it's not a nice trait especially when you see the smirk on her face when she has got someone into trouble. We tend to ignore it now. I say if I didn't see it I don't want to know about it unless it is something serious of course!
As for the food you were tight to throw it away and she should have been punished for chucking it on the floor and having a tantrum.
Your DP needs to toughen up.

[Kaluki]

• Right
  Not tight

[eslteacher]

From my limited knowledge of children, I think certain just do go through a tale-telling phase. DSS's little sisterdoes it a lot. I can see how it would be irksome when it is your child being told on all the time. I think noncholance and refusing to rise to it unless it's anything actually serious is the way to go (hope your DP feels the same).