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Dp ex demanding money for me to meet their ds. Surely this isn't right!

(26 Posts)
mumto3beauts Thu 23-Jan-14 18:19:17

Im not sure if I am posting this in the right place but could do with some advice. My dp has a child with his ex and within the last 2-3 weeks she has told him that if he wants me (lard ass as she refers to me) to meet their ds, then either him or myself have to pay her £2800 in cash before hand, plus pay a full months nursery bill of £668. I have said to him this isnt right her saying she wants money for me to meet him as its blackmail and in a way selling her child. Anyone have any advice? TIA

WhoNickedMyName Thu 23-Jan-14 18:24:32

My advice is to tell her to get to fuck, then next time he has his DC, go and meet them.

TheMumsRush Thu 23-Jan-14 18:39:19

That is disgusting, shameful behaviour! Kids aren't pay per view!

TheMumsRush Thu 23-Jan-14 18:41:51

Sorry, that wasn't really advice. Can your do they'll get you won't be there then just go anyway? I know she will find out from ds but not sure what else to do? I'd ask her to put it in writing then keep it if you need it further down the line

meditrina Thu 23-Jan-14 18:43:00

Of course it's not right.

And anyhow I can't see how she can prevent you meeting them when DP has them.

TheMumsRush Thu 23-Jan-14 18:43:07

Arrr stupid phone!!! Can you just tell her.....

ecuse Thu 23-Jan-14 18:48:28

That is the weirdest thing I have ever heard!

Brittapie Thu 23-Jan-14 18:53:43


Petal02 Thu 23-Jan-14 18:59:27


Petal02 Thu 23-Jan-14 18:59:45

Just can

Petal02 Thu 23-Jan-14 18:59:57

Damn p

Petal02 Thu 23-Jan-14 19:01:03

Damn phone! Just can't believe this is a genuine post? Is it 1 April?

VivaLeBeaver Thu 23-Jan-14 19:02:34

How on earth did she decide on such a figure?

How long have you been with dp?

At the end of the day if dp is his dad then he has just as much right to decide who his son meets as she does. She can't prevent it.

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici Thu 23-Jan-14 19:05:47

He should take her to court to have them formalise access.

He should not respond to ridiculous demands for stupid amounts of cash.

I assume he pays proper maintenance for his child and the figure is not calculated csa rate as yet unpaid and her making a point?

CharlieAlphaKiloEcho Thu 23-Jan-14 19:10:41

Does your DP owe her this amount of money? Is it back pay for CSA or something?

I'm not saying it's at all justified just wondering what her thinking behind it is.

mumto3beauts Thu 23-Jan-14 19:11:55

Petal02 this is a genuine post!!

Myself and dp think she has got herself into debt and it's her only way out by demanding money from us. We have been together for almost 11 months. We have discussed a court order and feel this is going to be our only way forward with the situation, with regard to the maintainence it is and has always been done through csa and do has no idea where the figure has come from, other than a couple of months ago she did ask him to take out a loan for £2000 and he told her straight out no.

mumto3beauts Thu 23-Jan-14 19:13:50

He owes her no money, they never lived together she was a one night stand she told him that she was pregnant 5 months later and he said he would stick by her until she turned into a psycho towards him and abused him physically and mentally then he left her.

KissesBreakingWave Thu 23-Jan-14 19:16:08

Your DP has every right to decide when and whom his littlun meets or does not meet. He should be inviting his ex to take a written copy of her demand, fold it up so it's all small and sharp corners, and hammer it up her arse.

Petal02 Thu 23-Jan-14 19:32:20

I agree with the poster who suggests she sticks her demand where the sun doesn't shine.

OP, I really hope your DP isn't thinking of paying????

mumto3beauts Thu 23-Jan-14 19:34:03

Dp has told her he won't be paying a penny towards her other than the child maintainence he already pays. She wasn't impressed but really what more can she do?

HermioneWeasley Thu 23-Jan-14 19:39:29

Definitely get her to put the request in writing, and then keep a copy. Will be very useful if he wants to formalise access.

catsmother Thu 23-Jan-14 19:50:15

He should ask her to "write down exactly what she wants" so he can "consider" her proposal.

And then tell her that he's considered it and the answer is no.

And if she then obstructs contact on the basis he might introduce his son to his partner, I'd wop her greedy blackmailing ass straight into court - complete with proof of how she thinks contact should operate on a pay per view basis.

Unless you're an axe murderer or similar then she has no right whatsoever at all to dictate who DP chooses to spend time with when he sees his son.

shey02 Thu 23-Jan-14 21:59:28

Dear God, so wrong!

Cabrinha Thu 23-Jan-14 23:13:27

Does he have formal contact agreement already?
If not, why not? And he needs to get it.
I'd back off on you meeting his son until that's sorted, just so as not to antagonise her. Shouldn't have to, but better to be practical.
Once that's sorted, you can just meet him whenever, on contact time.

stepmooster Fri 24-Jan-14 02:13:20

mumto3beauts unfortunately we have been through similar, where the ex has tried to blackmail DH for money as she and her DH were so badly in debt and couldn't pay the mortgage on the FMH. She lumbered us with 2 mortgages to pay and wanted DH to forgo his charge! I was pregnant with DC2 at the time and could have done without the stress. In our case we knew she would not go through with withdrawing contact as she needs her EOW off.

We had solicitors involved at one point and cost us a fortune. DH decided to reduce his payments to CSA levels and pay more towards actual child costs like school uniform, shoes, phone etc as we realised we were just servicing the ex debt.

Her behaviour has been appalling and DH and i have decided we would be better off investing our money in a larger home so DSS can have a room and save up for his future post 18, to give him a helping start in adult life.

Do not give in to the woman, DH did in the early days (pre-me) and its probably one reason why she thought she could get away with it again. And probably one reason she can't stand me, I made DH grow a spine!

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