AIBU? Pee on the toilet.

[notthegirlnextdoor]

DSS is 11. My DDs are 5 & 3. Its been a problem for a while now but until I was 100% it was DSS, I couldn't decide how to act on it. Everytime he uses the toilet, he doesn't put the toilet seat up, and he pees ALL OVER it. He's only here 4 days a month, more during holidays, and it only occurs when he's here, and after he's been to the toilet.

Am not sure how to broach it with DH. I have zero experience with boys other than my almost 4YO DN. AIBU to expect DSS to either lift the seat or clean the seat?

[notthegirlnextdoor]

I should also add that twice today I've had my DDs shout down stairs that "there is wee on the seat" and my 5YO gets totally freaked out by it.

[purpleroses]

Of course he should be taught to put the seat up at that age.

If you don't feel comfortable telling him yourself, then get your DP to teach him.

[ChoudeBruxelles]

I would call him back to clean it up. Ds is 7 and if he pees on the seat he has to clean it

[BackforGood]

Why would you need to 'broach it with dh' - as if it's something you have to really tread carefully about ?

If someone is not lifting the seat, then remind them that that is the right thing to do. Start the sentences with "in this house...." if it helps. He's 11 - old enough to be called back to wipe it if he does it again, and that might help him remember.

[UKAS]

I agree, I have no idea why it's a difficult subject to broach. Possibly if things are difficult between you and DSS you might be worried about "telling him off" but why on earth is it difficult to raise with your DH?

He just needs to be told and made to clean up after himself when he "forgets" either by you or by DH.

[LyndaCartersBigPants]

My loos are always covered in pee, puddles round the sides (not physically possible for dd!) and down the front (could be anyone) as well as on the seats. My DCs are 7, 9 & 14, DSCs are 5 & 9, in an assortment of boys and girls!

Have tried telling them, making them clean it themselves, charts with smiley faces when it's clean and sad faces when it's really gross! Nothing works.

I've just accepted that they are all scumbags and that I will be cleaning the bathroom more regularly than I would like for the next 10 years

Good luck with that!

[notthegirlnextdoor]

Things aren't difficult between DSS & I. Nor between DH & I. I just like to tread carefully when it comes to these things, am always thinking I will come off as a dragon however I am probably just being silly. I find it a tad bizarre that my 3YO has better bathroom conduct than an 11YO (having said that, my 5YO is terrified of flushing the toilet. Apparently I was too although I don't remember it!)

[oadcb]

My 6yo ds can be beastly in the toilet. If he makes a mess he cleans it up. Same as I'd tell my DSS 12 and DSD 8.

[CouthyMow]

Crumbs. Mine have to "be sweet and wipe the seat" as soon as they start using the toilet. Either lift or wipe...(and I have 3 DS's, girls are in the minority in my house, just me & DD!)

[WhenWhyWhere]

I would just ask him to wipe the seat. It's fairly normal to have to ask boys to do this. He is old enough to clean up after himself.

[ThingsThatGoBumpInTheNight]

Definitely not BU to ask him to wipe it up
DS (5) has done since he was 3
Older DS (16) has to be sent back in to deal with his monster poos

Understand what you mean about treading carefully as when ss was here I went into bathroom after him, didn't check, and sat down on a loo seat covered in piss

I did turn the air blue but it could easily (and often has been) ds1 or ds2

Don't lose heart but you'll find that you need to remind now and again at least once a week till they leave home

[BackforGood]

Yes, but your 5 and 3 yr olds are dds. I'm guessing they sit down and don't have a penis to wave about - it's not comparable.

[glendatheveryexcitedwitch]

I had this for 7 years!!! Dss are now 16 & 13 and it only happens when they are here! I've tried everything to teach them but it's no use - obviously their bathroom at home must be self cleansing or stinking to high heaven!! We have many parenting differences so much so that I've moved out and don't have them anywhere near my house. We go out for meals for birthdays - but after today I won't be doing that again as they still insist on going to the toilet mid dinner. And when they are there we have no conversation no matter how hard I try!!! So I've detached completely!!

[impatienceisavirtue]

I go through a ridiculous amount of toilet seats because of this! No advice I'm afraid.

[dozeydoris]

My DS peed without lifting toilet seat, though not on seat, I had told him off about it, I got caught out when plumber called early, when I lifted seat it was encrusted with yellow aaargh.

I felt it was a bit of teenage 'I'll do what I like, not what you tell me thing' but being DS I felt happy to go ballistic.

Perhaps you could teach your DD to wipe off wee (I know I know she shouldn't have to) but the shrieking about it is possibly RESULT for DSS. And is it possible for his DF to be the one to 'find' it each time and create, that message might get a better response from DSS (though I know that isn't ideal). Perhaps just tell DD DSS is soooo lazy rather than making a big thing of it.

[Kaluki]

This is a no brainer for me. Its disgusting. My dc don't do it (they know better!) and on the few occasions DSS has done it I have called him into the bathroom and given him a wipe to clean it up. The same happened when any of them do a huge poo and don't flush properly.
Its basic hygeine and manners.

[Xalla]

Same for me. DS is a revolting little sod who takes great joy in seeing how far / high he can pee. There have been times when we've come into the bathroom to find it dripping off the ceiling. He invariably gets a bollocking and told to go and clean up after himself. Over time it's improved, we don't have to pick him up on it so much anymore. He's 5 now.

I would definitely not hold back from picking an 11 year old up over it!

[Kaluki]

My two used to play crossfire when they were small - both stood at the toilet weeing together!!
Soon nipped that game in the bud

[crazykat]

My ds1 is terrible for this, especially at night when he's half asleep. If he does it during the day then I make him clean it off and he's not quite 5. I've found with things like this its best to start as you mean to go on or it develops into a hard to change habit.

If I were you I'd tell dss to clean up after himself no need to get DH to do it, it's your home too.

[Domus]

You need one of these

In several countries there's something of a campaign to encourage men to sit down for hygiene reasons Germany

Taiwan

Korea

Sweden, France, Holland

Ok, maybe not only hygiene reasons

[notthegirlnextdoor]

I am very glad to know I am not the only completely repulsed by this ! Relieved to know that its not just my DSS who is revolting

Domus I love that sticker ! Hahahaha, I am showing it to DH when he gets home.

Am just gonna suck it up and mention it when he next visits. "Please wipe the seat when you are done. Or I will eat something that upsets my IBS and leave my green and black poo all in the toilet. Cos its gross."

[parentzero83]

Maybe you should have just mentioned it to DH, would he have kicked off about it? I dont think revolting is the word to use to describe a child.

[Kaluki]

Really parentzero? Do you have boys? Mine are quite revolting at times.
Loveable and gorgeous too though.

[purpleroses]

Definitely mention it. If it doesn't work at first you can always march him back to the bathroom to wipe it up if it keeps happening after he's been told. If your DP gets on OK with his ex he might want to mention it to her - getting kids used to new rules is easier if they're being reinforced in both homes.

At least with only one boy in the house you can be reasonably sure who's peed on the seat - DP and I have 3 between us who will of course all deny it and blame someone else...

[BackforGood]

Really parentzero83 ? You don't think that sitting in someone else's wee is revolting ? You must have very different standards from me. It is gross, trust me.