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facebook question

(31 Posts)
TwoLeftHands Sun 12-Jan-14 15:43:33

We have a sort of civil relationship with bm. My dp is not friends with her on facebook but bm is friends with his family and friends. When bm tags pictures his friends and family in her pictures, it shows up on our newsfeed (mine and dps). I genuinely believe that most of the time she does this so dp sees. She tags his family in and mutual friends in every single photo but does not tag he own family in them. Dp doesn't like it as it reminds me of how much he misses out but doesn't want to block bm incase she gets angry and starts arguing which dp will avoid at all costs. Is there anyway we can not see his friends being tagged in her photos without blocking her?

YoureBeingASillyBilly Sun 12-Jan-14 22:34:41

Well first day of school is something lots of parents miss out on due to work.

The fact she is sharing photos with his mum is no proof she is doing it for a reaction. His mum is the children's grandmother and of course would like to see photos of the dcs. The fact she asks him if he saw the photos is probably her being friendly.

My ex's mum collects my dcs twice a week and i will occasionally text her photos of them (like i did with ds2 on sept 1st) as we have an ok relationship and she enjoys getting the photos. I dont have her on fb because i dont want other members of her family seeing that. Text is more private.

However my exp and i have a difficult relationship so we dont share photos etc but on the times when ive had need to discuss something with him about dcs i will ask if his mum showed him the recent pics i sent. It is in no way meant to upset him but rather just conversation about the only thing we have that ties us together and to try and invoke some sort of 'chat'- maybe we could laugh about how cute ds looked in uniform.

Dont try to see ill in her actions. They arent necessarily bad intentions.

purpleroses Mon 13-Jan-14 08:30:37

I think reminding him that he (like most fathers) was probably at work on the first day of school is exactly the right way to support him in this.

As to whether she's doing it to get at him - the best response there would for him to convince her that it isn't bothering him. Does he post a lot on FB? If not, then the easiest response is to be a bit vague about whether he's seen them or not, and imply that he doesn't check FB very often. Or cut down the opportunities for his ex to be asking him about whether he's seen her FB posts - make handovers brief (or via school), and communication about arrangements via email.

He could ask his mum to change her settings so that he doesn't see photos she's tagged in if its still really bothering him. But really there aren't that many "firsts" for him to miss out on. For birthdays, Christmas, etc - have your own celebrations (on a different date if necessary) if you help your DP to develop his own life with his DCs when he has them then he won't find it so hard to hear of them doing things with their mum on other days.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage Mon 13-Jan-14 10:18:36

He should man up. Being scared of another person is no way to live.

TwoLeftHands Mon 13-Jan-14 11:34:54

Thank you purple. He doesn't really answer her iI she asks him he just says I don't think so. And I don't think hes mum would. I try to say to him even if me and him had dc he wouldn't be there for a lot of things due to work etc. He's just got that guilty dad syndrome.

YoureBeingASillyBilly Mon 13-Jan-14 14:54:35

Tbh it sounds more like self pity than guilt.

TheMumsRush Mon 13-Jan-14 18:26:18

You can add her to the restricted list I think

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