New Year house rules ideas?

[cappy123]

Morning all

I want to help create some structure and guidance for our stepfamily and I thought NY is a good opportunity for something like house rules. I wanted to strike a balance between letting things take time to settle - as is needed in stepfamilies - and not delaying setting things out at the beginning (we're 5 months married). I'm a FT SM to 13yo DSD - no other children for either of us. I sounded out both my DSD and my DH and they're up for hearing my ideas - and I'm interested in theirs (this is for all of us).

If you're further down the line than us, what things do you think would be helpful? Our list doesn't need to be too austere, if it's possible to give it a spirit of joy / fun that would be good, especially as we pretty much all get on. And we need to be able to review it / try something else if it's not helpful. I thought a list of 10 things might be good, like

1. Cleaning up after ourselves (in car, lounge, bathroom)
2. Family meetings every fortnight?
3. One about respect / manners
4. One about talking / listening

Really interested in your ideas. Thanks.

[croquet]

I would keep 1, delete 3 & 4, and edit 2 to 'special Mexican/pizza/fish and chip dinner on Fridays with chance to discuss how it's all going'.

That might make it more fun?

[croquet]

Unless she's particularly naughty?

Live in SPs I know who've had the most luck have made things v. positive unless there's a problem. Make the child feel that you have high standards and that you want to teach them how to too.

If she isn't already naughty, and only just 13, you have time to head many problems off at the pass. You're right it's important how you play these next years. Be firm and fun. Teach her self-respect, iykwim.

Good luck!

[FunkyBoldRibena]

Surely house rules should be decided upon together?

[purpleroses]

If DSD is 13 the things I think I'd focus on would include rules around telling you where she's going when she goes out, staying out overnight, letting you make contact with the parents first, asking before having friends over, etc. These things I have learnt from experience are very much harder to make rules about once your DSD has already decided that there are no rules and she will do as she pleases...

I also think it's probably easier to have precise things that are not allowed (eg swearing) rather than vague aspirations of always being respectful to each other, which could just get you into arguments over whether something was or wasn't respectful.

Our house rules also cover use of computer hours, which we don't actually find to be much of an issue for the girls (they don't game as much), though late night skyping by my DD results in her laptop being taken off her at bedtime.

[Loveineveryspoonful]

We get kids (early to mid teens) to do their own laundry (my area, so enforced) keep their rooms tidy and (sometimes) help with dishwasher (dh area).
The laundry issue turned out to be somehow symbolic in our house, ds took to it without a grumble (including putting in drier and taking back to room) and does his weekly; ds, here 50:50, is a bit passive aggressive about it and will go without socks before finally doing laundry every 2 weeks or so. Dsd, who used to happily change clothes 3 times a day while I was still doing everybody's laundry, was suddenly content with one or two outfits eow and refuses to wash dirty clothes. They will linger in a laundry bag for weeks until dh does them on the sly
This chore was actually recommended by a colleague who knew a blended family really well where the sm felt taken advantage of. Their dsd eventually moved in with her granny.
Don't get me wrong, even though my dsd is a tad difficult, its dh and his Disney parenting I blame for turning her into an entitled brat. Things have come on really well over the past few years, but the laundry issue is still the litmus test of actual status

[cappy123]

Yes - it's why I'm interested in their ideas as I said. :-)

[cappy123]

Last comment was @funky. Learning lots already. Interesting about the laundry test. Thankfully my DH raised this independently - I'm the one who has to try not to rescue her on that.

Thank you. Keep them coming guys!

[cappy123]

Last comment was @funky. Learning lots already. Interesting about the laundry test. Thankfully my DH raised this independently - I'm the one who has to try not to rescue her on that.

Thank you. Keep them coming guys!