New joiner seeking wisdom please..
I am 10 weeks pregnant with first and DH has a 9 year old DD from previous relationship. I have enjoyed/helped care for her since she was 6 and we get on very well. We both think she will be happy about the baby news as she often talks about her wish for a sibling after staying/playing with friends who have bigger families and makes positive comments when we see younger children in restaurants etc.
My concern is her mother. Things are civil and there is shared custody but in the past there have been times when she has got very angry and bitter and started screaming at DH (in front of DD) for no apparent reason. He is a devoted, reliable Dad who dotes on his DD and has never scrimped on time, money or love but none of this seems to count for much with ex. To avoid the upset he now tends to keep contact with her to polite basics via text and email and they are polite when they meet face to face for school meetings etc together.
When we got engaged, we told DD at the start of her weekend with us so we could reassure (if needed) and share the excitement and she was very happy. DH also told Ex face to face at he start of the weekend - just the two of them- and she made some rude comments and then sent some strange texts about whether I was pregnant (I wasn't) which we brushed off.
We plan to tell DSD about the baby in a couple of weeks post-scan and will do the same as with the wedding - tell her at the start of a weekend with us so we can support and reassure her and answer any questions.
Apologies for the long intro but my question is this.. Given her past behaviour face to face, there is a temptation to tell ExP on the phone rather than in person. But this feels like a bit of a cop out. I want to sensitive to her feelings but don't want DH in the line of fire. Should it be face to face or on the phone?
Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.
Step-parenting
Help needed please - new baby and exp
MeridianB · 30/12/2013 08:15
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