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Presents for DCs Dad?

(30 Posts)
IneedAwittierNickname Tue 10-Dec-13 15:26:41

Hi all, I am asking this in both lone and step parents so that I can get a good range of responses.

I want to know who, in your opinion, is responsible for providing a Christmas present for the other parent?

When I was a child (of divorced parents) my Mum made sure we had a card/present for my Dad, and vice versa.This to me, seems like a fair, and logical solution, so is the format I have followed.

My ex and I separated last year, and he didn't get me anything for my birthday (from the DC I mean) or Christmas. I, OTOH, bought him a Fathers day present and took him out for lunch, and bought a birthday present at the DCs request.

Then at Christmas the Dc asked if we could buy Daddy something, so we did. Only right IMO. But, when I gave it to him, he said "huh, you shouldn't have bothered, NP (new partner) got me something from the boys"
And when Dc asked him if they could go and get me something, he said "No, that's not my job".

So who's job is it? I don't have a new partner, so his logic there is flawed. And his partner bought and wrapped something the DC had never even seen 'from them', she even wrote in a card from them, despite them never having seen it confused (DC were 8 and 6 Christmas last year, so not too small to write themselves BTW)

Sorry, thats become rather long! And just to clarify, I'm not a jealous bitter ex, neither am I grabby and moaning about lack of presents (although I am very aware that thats how it looks). Its just that the DC have already asked if we can go and buy Daddy something for Christmas, and I feel that as the other parent to his DC I should. But the child in me says why should I, when he won't have afforded me the same courtesy. And if I do, which I will for the DC, he effectively gets 2 presents from them, and I get none. fsad

theredhen Mon 23-Dec-13 03:02:41

I've always encouraged ds to but his dad something, just a card and pound land type gift. I think it's teaching ds a good lesson. Ex would sometimes remember to encourage ds to buy me something and sometimes not. So I used to encourage ds myself, give him the money and stand outside the shop. Used to make me a bit sad but I know I was teaching ds a positive lesson. I did that for the 6 or 7 years on my own. Even now he's 15, I nag remind him about presents etc for other people .

My dsc have never been encouraged to buy their dad anything by their mum. I've done that when they were younger with much disinterest from them hmm. They're older now and still treat this side of the family with little more than contempt sometimes.

I am regularly told about the lavish and thoughtful gifts they have bought mum and mums boyfriend with their own money whilst they often leave getting their dad anything until the last minute and then it's often not a very thoughtful present.

I don't just blame their mum for their attitude , I blame him for accepting their bad attitude. I remember frog marching my then 12 year old ds to the shops when he had forgotten my Mother's Day card. I feel it's my job as a parent to teach him respect and if the other parent won't bother , then it's down to you, i'm afraid.

However, I do think a "token" gift is all that should come from your finances. No way would I fund days out or lavish gifts. Something thoughtful but cheap all the way.

Loveineveryspoonful Mon 23-Dec-13 11:02:44

For a second there I thought I had sleepwalked and posted that, the similarities are striking indeed... But then I reread and saw you were a lp for 6 years, me 8!

IneedAwittierNickname Tue 24-Dec-13 21:39:00

Well I took the dc in town, and let them pick a present for their dad, ds2 insisted he wanted a pack of handkerchiefs! (ex is not a hanky kind of man). Anyway they were delighted with their purchases, I spent less than a tenner total, so all happy.

Then this evening, I had a text from the gf...

"look ineed you need to accept the fact that me n d r 2geva. He dusnt want u back n neva will so y did u feel the need 2 buy him presents? I have got stuff 4 the kids 2 give him so back off."

Wtf! I asked the dc if she had taken them out to get presents, they said no so I assumed she hadn't! But apparently, taking the dc out to buy their dad something means I want him back.

Madness! Ah well. Hopefully he will be gracious enough to accept the presents tomorrow and pretend he loves them.

Merry Christmas to you all smile

Beccawoo Fri 27-Dec-13 08:58:30

So last Year (first Xmas apart) I bought dcs dad a box Of chocolates and wrote a card from dcs. It was pretty much thrown back in my face with a comment about how I was 'wasting his money' as I'm not back at work and it is maintenance I'm living off. (dcs currently 3 and 1.5!)

So this year I didn't get a present for fear of this again, but did get kids a 'daddy' card to write. When he collected them Xmas day, his gf, ow, hands me wrapped box of chocolates, plus a card for me and new DP from her and my XH. Awkward?! And isn't it a bit weird that present /card is from them and not dcs?! No sign of any 'mummy' cards, so I didn't get one this year. Is that now my new dps job rather than dcs dad? DP git dad card from his Xp. All so confusing! Any thought?!

Loveineveryspoonful Fri 27-Dec-13 12:25:17

How about a homemade present for all them that becomes your traditional token present?
I send my inlaws who live abroad homemade Xmas pudding every year. It's up to mil if she chooses to share with rest of family...
You could make up a parcel of mince pies or any other treat your dc like? Christmassy and personal and yet not pushy.

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