I've been seeing my partner for… counts up… 16 months now, and have never met his daughter (aged 8) because I live 200 miles away and have always timed my visits around the weekends when he has her. Don't have kids of my own, in my 30s.
I'm about to ask him if I can meet her. Her mum sounds brilliant and I'm not aware of any problems, either with them sharing or with communication between them in general. My DP is sometimes very ill and I've decided to outright ask to meet her, partly because then maybe I could visit and actually be helpful when he's ill, rather than just keep avoiding DD-weekends when otherwise I would visit to help/handhold because he is ill. Surely he needs help MORE on DD weekends when he is ill.
And also because I'd LOVE to spend time with a child sometimes, and she sounds awesome, and she's a big part of DP's life etc. But have been taking cues from him so far and I think he's just a bit reluctant to Make A Decision to introduce us and organise it etc.
Does anyone have anything I should consider when asking? I have no kids myself so please feel free to point out the obvious!
Should I suggest that we all three adults meet up and talk about parenting in general and their daughter in particular first? (We and mum met once ages ago in a crowded room, only really enough to get a vague first impression of each other.) Or is that just inconsiderate of their childcare needs since I don't think there's anyone apart from them to look after their daughter? Should I just ask DP to teach me parenting (as far as the bits I might ever need to do) as we go along? Should I give her mum a hello on Facebook at some point to give a potential channel of communication if she ever should want it with me?
The subject of me meeting his DD has come up a few times but we've managed to avoid it because it would have been an accidental/unplanned meeting and it deserves to be done in a planned, thought about way. Not got the impression that he actively doesn't want it to happen though, more just that he struggles with the concept of meeting worlds i.e. his role as my partner and his role as a dad and having to be both people at once... maybe not difficult for some people but it would be difficult for me, so I think I see where he comes from on this and will try to leave him free to be in his "dad role" and sort of take a back seat with any demands on him while we do this. Perhaps I should tell him that to reassure him. Obviously if I meet her then that means I am absolutely committed to this relationship and plan to stick around, which I do.
Anyone have any particular thoughts on reading this? Ideas on how either of the parents might be feeling that I might not have thought of?
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Step-parenting
Meeting DP's Daughter
9 replies
sporktacular · 09/12/2013 00:56
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