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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Step-parenting

Sick to death of it all!!!

28 replies

TheMumsRush · 02/11/2013 10:02

Just need a rant....aibu to be a little upset that my baby boy gets turfed out of his room eow so as to not wake the (who could sleep through an earthquake) skids!
They can eat us out of house and home and go up for seconds but I'm told it's not good to stuff my ds (9months) when I was going to give him a yoghurt after his porridge as he was still showing signs of hunger!!!
Arrrrr dsd is draped all over dh and is shadowing him (not too bothered by that but it's jus irritating) everywhere!

Rant over

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Report

Eliza22 · 04/11/2013 20:02

I'm sending you these and hoping things calm down a bit for you. That situation would drive me bonkers. Explain to your partner how you feel before resentment builds up and boils over!

TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 11:32

He has gone now. Need to sort out what I do next

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TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 11:33

And thanks btw

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OneStepCloser · 05/11/2013 11:52

Whos gone TheMumsRush?

Newdaynewpants · 05/11/2013 11:59

TheMumsRush I've just seen your update on another Step-parenting thread and realized that you really had reached the end of your tether .

What was the final nail in the coffin? Is there no way back from this for you all? Eliza22 is absolutely right about resentment, it really is a killer. Your DH needs to bear some responsibility in all of this as I suspect right now he thinks you're overreacting about something, you're 'favouring' your son, you're picking on your DSC, you're jealous, unreasonable blah blah blah and that none of it is his fault?...

Hope you're bearing up ok.

TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 12:06

My dsd causes problems, we use to be close but she goes out her way to wind me up, smirking when talking about my dead mum, looking to see if she can get a reaction when she carries on doing something I've asked het not to. Dh tells me to step up to them but I don't feel comfortable, it only causes further resentment. Dh and I have other problems and he told me he won't choose me and our ds over the skids (I've never asked him to) he called me a fourth child he has to looks after as I don't work at the moment (I will be going back) and he says I never tried to support him with his company. I've just had enough

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TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 12:07

Sorry about no paragraphs

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TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 12:11

My husband onestep

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Newdaynewpants · 05/11/2013 12:23

Is your DS yours and your DH's? If so then he is choosing between his DC - he's putting his older DCs first. Tbh he sounds like the fourth child. Complaining that you're not at work? I'm assuming you're on maternity leave and in which case I assume that it was a joint decision on how long you would stay off work to care for his son. Except now he chooses to throw that back in your face.
He should be supporting you in disciplining your DSC particularly if he knows you find it difficult, he should be more proactive in disciplining his own DC. And I can't abide preferential treatment given to different DCs, it's the one thing guaranteed to vex me! I stamped on that straight away - if he wouldn't treat his own DD that way then he blimmin well wasn't going to treat mine that way either.
He is taking the easy option with bringing up his DC - he's leaving it all to you but then blaming you for getting angry about it. If I was you I'm not sure I'd put up with it either. You need to put it to him in a calm and measured way exactly what it is that frustrates and annoys you and what you would like to change. If he's not willing to meet you half way on things (I'm not saying it should all be what you want - there will probably have to be compromise on both sides) then you have your answer.

Kaluki · 05/11/2013 12:37

Shut the door after him!!
Sounds like you have had a lucky escape tbh.

Have a and some

TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 12:49

Yes ds is ours. We've had rows before and he has gone and I've been terribly upset, I don't feel that at all this time. I've always told him he will never understand how hard being a step parent is (he may in the future). And I bet if his ex had a partner there is no way she would shift her kids out their room for the step kid! I asked him how he would feel if his dd had to leave her room eow and he didn't like the thought of it. It doesn't bother him here as they are all his children. I wouldn't mind It if ds did I fact keep the skids awake but dss said he doesn't hear him!?!?

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TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 12:51

It's not even about this one thing, it's so much more. My different expectations in children, manners, language, age appropriate clothing. The fact I can put in the ground work and not receive the benefits ....

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Kaluki · 05/11/2013 12:53

The thing is that if he is treating the dc differently at this young age he will carry on and your ds will eventually notice this and will be so hurt by it. It would drive a wedge between the whole family.

TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 13:00

He is a good dad and always sees his dc. He just has a lot of guilt as he would like to see them more, pay more. I get told that all the time, my answer to him is do it then and don't keep telling me about it.

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crazykat · 05/11/2013 13:22

DH used to be like this over DSD and our DCs. It was all DSD doesn't get enough, DSD doesn't see me as much. In the end I told him DSD gets just as much as our DCs, more even when maintainence is included, and our DCs don't see much more of him as he isn't home till just before their bedtime.

I told him straight that the fact is he split with his ex and DSD isn't left out of our family apart from not living here so he need to get over feeling guilty or he could have two exes. He's finally listened to me - mostly.

crazykat · 05/11/2013 13:23

I just hope for your DS that his dad doesn't continue to put his older DCs above him whether you get back together or not.

TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 13:26

I don't think he will put them first, they will all be on an even level then

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TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 13:27

I told him all the suppressing and pushing down of feelings and "just get on with it" I do will make me ill!

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TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 13:32

He hates the fact that his ex gives his dd a cheese sandwich every day for lunch and has done since she started school (she did the same with ds but it was ham, he's in secondary now) but he won't pull her up on it, yet he's happy to question what I give our ds!?

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OneStepCloser · 05/11/2013 14:44

Im sorry <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Wine" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/assets/images/mumsnet-emojis/base/wine.png"> and <img loading="lazy" class="inline-flex mumsnet-emoji" alt="Flowers" src="https://www.mumsnet.com/assets/images/mumsnet-emojis/base/flowers.png"> for you.<br /> <br /> Well hes a fool TheMumsRush, he needs to understand that blending a family can only work if he and you communicate and he listens to your feelings. He shouldnt make it some sort of competition between you and the dscs and saying he wouldnt choose you and ds over them is juvinile and ridiculous, your his wife fgs, and funnily enough I`m sure your a good bloody parent, so your views on bringing up children are valid.

Take care love x

TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 15:22

I have a plan of action, it goes like this. Put ds to bed tonight and open a bottle of wine and watch what I want to watch for once! That's as far ahead as I can think right now

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TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 15:22

Thanks ladies x

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Mignonette · 05/11/2013 15:28

My love to you. I have three children in my life that are my DH's children (I tend not to refer to them as stepkids as I do not parent them).

You have my sympathy as you tend to be damned whatever you do. I have a cordial relationship now but i have pulled back now they are adults as we both find their behaviour hard to tolerate although we have to be seen to tolerate it. My DH pulls his hair out over it (metaphorically ) as he has no control over a dysfunctional ex who inverse-parents.

and a magnum of for you.

Keep something back for yourself- that is all I can advise. Don't throw your all into it and there'll be less potential for resentment.

TheMumsRush · 05/11/2013 15:33

Can't throw my all into it any more, have called it a day. :)

Thanks for the

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Mignonette · 05/11/2013 15:35

I think the trick is to never throw your all at it my love. I am sorry it's been so rotten for you.

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