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Step-parenting

Step father agreements and parental responsibilty

11 replies

mrsm22 · 30/10/2013 13:54

Hi All,

I was wondering if there may be any solicitor's or anyone who may be able advise on here regarding a pretty messy matter.

In brief - my husband and I have children however years before he met me my husband was married to someone else and they had two children. His ex wife had an affair and left him with the two children and she is not a very nice woman. After leaving him, her and her now husband used to threaten him and turn up at his house and one time broke his door down for no reason other than to be nasty. To cut a long story short, due to ill feeling between my husband and his ex wife, he has not seen his other two children for a few years and maintenance has stopped. Recently we received a letter from a firm of solictors asking that he gives consent to the children having a name change and also asking him to attend court to give agreeement to a Parental Agreement or Step father agreement. We presume this is because his ex wife wants her new husband to take over role as father. My husband has written back to the solictor and given consent to the name change by signing a form and he has said that he will give agreement to the parental agreeement, so we are waiting to hear what he has to do. However today my husbnad has had a call from the CSA saying that they have it on their systems to ring for an update from him regarding his income, but they told him that his ex wife has not asked for this and hasn't been in touch with them for some time, but that the case with the CSA is still open. Obviously if his ex wife asks the CSA to close the case then that will be the end of it. We do not feel that if my husband is agreeing to everything that he has been asked to agree to that it is fair for him to still be pursued by the CSA and we have written back to his solictor asking that the CSA are removed and that then he will agree to the parental agreeement.

The parental agreement is based on a load of lies as his ex wife has said he hasn't made any effort to see the children, which is not true as we previously had a solicitor fighting for access and she said no to every suggestion we had and then moved them a few times so that now they are very far away.

My question is this - if my husband refuses to agree to the parental agreeement, will he be made to go to court? Does he have to go to court? Will he be in any trouble? We had agreed to give her what she wanted but think in this case that the csa should be removed too.

Any advice appreciated.

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JustMe1993 · 30/10/2013 14:10

I think if your husband hands over all of his right to the ex's husband he can't legally be made to pay for the children due to him now being seen as "not the father"

Don't hold me 100% but I'm sure that's right.

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JustMe1993 · 30/10/2013 14:28

Looking into it more, it seems to be unfortunatly as far as the CSA is concerned unless the Ex closes the case herself he will have to continue to pay, just because he signs over his rights to be a parent doesn't stop him being one. Sorry

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mumandboys123 · 30/10/2013 14:30

the children need to be adopted by the new husband before your husband's financial responsibility towards his children is terminated.

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mumandboys123 · 30/10/2013 14:36

sorry - pressed 'enter'.

If your husband doesn't agree to parental responsibility, it will go to court (assuming the ex pursues the matter) and a judge will decide. As he has already put it in writing that he is more than happy to have another man bring up his child, providing that means he no longer has any financial responsibility, I shouldn't think it would be a difficult decision for a judge to make. Whether your husband turns up in court or not is up to him - if the solicitor is sensible he/she will have the paperwork delivered with a signature which mean the court will more than likely be happy to proceed without him - on the face of it he seems to be saying his children are not his priority.

If your husband is working and a case has been open with the CSA for sometime, you need to get yourself prepared for a large arrears bill.

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dietstartsmonday · 30/10/2013 15:30

I just find it hard to believe someone can sign away all rights like that, not someone I could be with

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mrsm22 · 30/10/2013 15:40

Well it isn't like that and you don't know the full story. I wouldn't be with someone like that either. My husband is a wonderful father, sadly his ex wife is a very horrible person and doesn't want him to have any contact with their two children and has spun a whole load of lies. We've tried to get access even just in holidays watching and everything has been refused so no one has given up or handed over anything. Sorry to be blunt but if you're not responding to the questions I've asked then don't bother with your opinionated rubbish dietstartsmonday.
Thank you to everyone else who has responded.

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lunar1 · 30/10/2013 15:53

I dont think csa is stopped unless his children are adopted, has he continued paying?

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mrsm22 · 30/10/2013 16:06

Thanks lunar. He was paying but out of the csa as they had an agreement but she then went to the csa and when they looked into it he was told he didn't have to pay anything. It may he different now though.

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lunar1 · 30/10/2013 17:08

it might be better for his children if he doesn't sign pr over. Is he still trying for contact? has he gone to court? If he signs pr over they may resent him more, if they come to him as young adults he needs to be able to show them he fought for them.

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Stepmooster · 30/10/2013 17:09

My DH had 2 stepchildren and their father consented to name change but he did not have PR.

The father still paid maintenance.

Both my uncle adopted their ex wive's children. They then were financially responsible for maintenance when they divorced.

Not sure if that helps you OP.

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purpleroses · 30/10/2013 17:54

I think there are two different options - parental responsibly or adoption.

  • the stepfather gets parental responsibility - this does not remove any rights from your DH. The DCs will have 3 parents all with the same rights. The ex could still claim from CSA any time she wants, and I don't think your DH could prevent her doing so, even if she signed something saying she wouldn't (eg to get your DH to agree to PR). If your DH opposes the stepfaterhaving PR it has to go to court, but I think if he's playing a key role in bring the DCs up he may well get it.

  • the stepfather legally adopts the DCs - That would remove the rights that your DH has as their father and is pretty terminal. I think it would also absolve him from ever paying any future CSA payments though. That would also have to go to court, but I think it would be unlikely to be successful if your DH opposed it. I think it would only be given without a parent's consent if they had really, properly abandoned the DCs and made no effort at contact for some time.

    So it depends on the balance of how much he still hopes to have a role in their lives vs how much he's given up on that and wants the security of being sure not to have to pay CSA which would be best for him. Either option allows the stepfather to have a legal recognition of his role.
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