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Would you/did you invite your ex MIL/FIL to your wedding?

(9 Posts)
purpleroses Wed 30-Oct-13 10:09:06

Not sure where to post this, but guess it's an issue for complex/blended families. DP and I are getting married next year. We both have DCs to our exes. Haven't sent out invites yet but have been telling people who'd have to travel to save the date, etc.

I was never actually married to my ex but his parents are my DC's grandparents and since we split up I have kept up contact with his mum fairly loosely - speak on the phone a few times a year, she sends cheques for the kids Christmas, etc. I told her we were getting married and she was pleased for me (though openly said she still wished it was my ex I was marrying!) but has since said several things very much implying that she's expecting to be invited. (She's got the date in her diary apparently!)

I hadn't really given much thought to inviting her (and her DH) tbh. I suppose they'd like to see my DCs all dressed up nicely. But they'd hardly know anyone else there - she's not met DP, or his DCs. They've met my own parents once, many years back.

I'm worried it would be a bit odd for my own parents, or for DP's parents - who've not yet met each other - to have ex's parents there too.

I'd also only invited my ex (and his DW) along to the evening do - a ceilidh, which they'll probably enjoy, But his parents are too old for dancing and would have a long way to travel so coming just for the evening wouldn't really work.

We're not actually particularly short of space and could invite them if we want. My DP says it's up to me (though admits his parents might find it a bit odd).

Are they being presumptuous by expecting an invite? Or should I continue to see them as family, as they are my DC's grandparents?

Stepmooster Wed 30-Oct-13 10:35:19

If you've invited your ex to the evening do and its not costing you extra why not invite them? Let them decide if they are too old or not. They may just enjoy the atmosphere.

It doesn't have to be weird. I think it shows what a lovely person you must be if you still get on with your ex and his family. Your new in-laws should try and see it from that point of view.

TheWinterOne Wed 30-Oct-13 10:50:46

If you all have a great relationship and there's no oddness then I don't see a problem. At the end of the day it's your day and if you feel comfortable with them being there - then why not?

If your parents and in laws know you all have such a good relationship beforehand - as Stepmooster says, they should be able to understand the invite.

purpleroses Wed 30-Oct-13 20:06:43

I wouldn't say I was all that close to them really. They're OK. I'm kind of ambivalent about inviting them or not to be honest.

I just don't want to make things awkward for others, but then I don't want to upset them either. And guess it's brought to a head how much I really consider them family (or don't). I've always been supportive of their relationship with my DCs, but not really sure how they fit into the rest of my life (or don't). I've suggested many times that they call in for a cup of tea sometime to see the new house, and meet DP but they haven't done yet, so I was quite surprised that they seem to expect to be invited to the wedding,

YesterdayI Wed 30-Oct-13 21:18:28

I would invite them to the evening do but I think it is ok not to invite them. There is no reason for it to be awkward.

Congrats on your wedding.

ajandjjmum Wed 30-Oct-13 21:22:03

Evening invite, and if they choose, they can spend the rest of the day with their DS and DIL?

Aroundtheworldandback Mon 04-Nov-13 20:50:03

I didn't invite my ex inlaws to my wedding and they were mortally offended, she actually cried down the phone to my mother. My reasoning was that ex hated fact I kept in touch with his parents and would have made their lives a misery had they come.

But they felt they should have had the option and I suppose they were right.

purpleroses Sat 01-Mar-14 23:02:40

Thought I'd update this thread - invited them just to the evening do. But they've made (weak) excuses and said they don't think they can make it... After fishing for the invite!

And I got another dose of "but I do wish you were marrying my son* hmm Guess at least they can't take offence at not being asked. And suspect DP is quietly relieved...

WaitMonkey Sat 01-Mar-14 23:16:53

Probably worked out best in the end. Thanks for the update. I love an update. smile Hope the wedding goes well. thanks

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