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DSC's behaviour is causing problems

(3 Posts)
daisydoo222 Thu 17-Oct-13 14:32:44

This is a re-occurring problem and keeps causing arguments between DP and I.
DP has two children with his X, I have a child of my own (DS4) and we have a baby together. DP's children's behaviour is quite 'challenging' at times, not just for us, but for everybody. DSS is only 7 but is continuously in trouble for fighting at school and often is the one instigating it and school have even said that it's been pre-meditated. Their childminder has warned their Mum that if their behaviour doesn't improve that she'll have to stop having them because she's caring for other children and it's affecting them.
Don't get me wrong, they can be great kids, they're loving and extremely funny etc and we have lots of fun when they come but their behaviour is impacting my son and he copies things that they do and say.
I know 100% that the behaviour my DS is showing is learnt from them because a couple of months ago DP and his X fell out and she stopped him seeing the kids for a few weeks and over this time DS was a different child and now that contact has started again DS has started hitting and just showing a total lack of respect for adults (mainly me and DP).
Last week DS's teacher had to speak to me about him hitting at school, I never want that to ever happen again.
The trouble I have is I work at weekends so I'm rarely there when DP has the kids anymore, he tells me that their behaviour is fine for him (really? it never was when I was there). He's a bit of a Disney Dad and often turns a blind eye to their behaviour and seems to think it's normal for kids of their age.
I've now arranged for my DS to spend most of the time that DP has his kids with either his Dad or my Mum, well at least for the next few weeks to see if it makes a difference to his behaviour.
But then the other night DP asked if DSC could start staying over night again - his X had stopped it because she wasn't happy with the sleeping arrangements (4 kids in a 2 bed house) but now she's decided she's OK with it again.
I just don't know what to do, on one hand I think that them having more contact with their Dad might help their behaviour but on the other hand, they were just as naughty months ago when they stayed over every weekend. I feel stuck here, I don't think them staying over is good for my DS as he's often the target for the hitting and bullying and then he's learning it too.
I just don't know what to do for the best.

elliebellys Thu 17-Oct-13 16:33:27

Have the kids had any form of councilling at all.¡?.

daisydoo222 Thu 17-Oct-13 18:33:23

Not that I know of, I know DSS was seeing a specialist about his behaviour but I'm not sure if that involved any form of counselling or whether it just looked at discipline etc.

However, from what I have heard their behaviour wasn't great before their parents split up. I'm friends with DP's ex's sister-in-law and I know she used to moan about them years ago and wouldn't look forward to them visiting. I always took this with a pinch of salt as my friend and their Mum don't really get on that great but now I see what she means.

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