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Christmas with the Bonuses

(7 Posts)
BonusMum Fri 11-Oct-13 17:18:14

Hi All,

I'm new to MN so sorry if this is not the best place to put this! I'll try and make this long story short ...

Last year I left my husband and started a new relationship with a mutual friend who also left his wife ... so we all knew each other (please no judgment!) ... our exes are now together ... so all has worked out for the best!
My DH came with two gorgeous bonuses (DS 7 & DD 5), I'm very lucky that I've known them since they were born and although we have some bumps in the road on the whole it's very good between us - well me and the kids anyway! Grandparents have commented on how much the kids are benefitting from the situation - and believe me DH's parents were not amused at the situation for the first 6 months!!

Anyway, my question is really about Christmas ... Last year we had the kids on Christmas eve evening and then a few days after Christmas, and we have agreed with their mom that we will have the kids every evening from the 23rd Dec until bedtime on Christmas eve, mainly because DH is less fussed about Christmas Day than their mom & also we don't want the kids having to move around on Christmas Day and tbh I don't want the kids on Boxing Day - I hope that doesn't sound terrible but having them for the anti climax is not my idea of fun! Last year I introduced Christmas Eve Hampers (I love the idea) and we will be continuing with this. I am also 4 months pregnant and so for me I really want to introduce traditions/a routine that will work for everyone when we have a LO as well. Last year we gave the kids their presents from us for them to have on Christmas Day at their moms but we have since decided that what we buy them needs to stay at ours simply because they are getting bored here at times and nothing ever comes back.
So I'm thinking we will do Christmas Eve hampers on Christmas Eve morning - they will have new pjs, chocolate, a Christmas activity, a Christmas DVD, a present and maybe a few other bits. Then when we have them a few days after Christmas I was thinking we could do Christmas stockings (as in look what Father Christmas forgot to deliver ...) with their Christmas presents & little bits & pieces in. Am I making too much of this? The problem is we want them to open their presents with us but I don't want them to have their main present from us on Christmas Eve as mine will have to wait for Christmas morning - I realise that I have quite a while before I need to worry about what mine thinks but I don't want to start something with DSS & DSD that I then stop because it's not fair on the LO. Does that make sense? I don't want to spoil any of the kids too much but my dad used to keep a present back for Boxing Day and it was always exciting (he used to pretend every year that he hadn't done it that year and it was always exciting anticipating it!). I expect that that our one will have a stocking when they do after Christmas but they will get less as they will have their main presents on Christmas Day.
I do like to plan! smile Ideas welcome ...

fairy1303 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:30:01

I think that sounds great - I LOVE the idea of a Christmas hamper!

When we were little we used to have a 'tea time' present - saved for the evening and always something small like a game or puzzle but prolonged the fun - perhaps you could do this on Boxing Day? Or whenever you have them... Like hidden on the tree maybe?

OneStepCloser Fri 11-Oct-13 17:36:19

Sounds lovely to me, I think its great to start your own traditions, we`ve done it with ours and DSS, works well. I think all the dcs will love it.

ChinaCupsandSaucers Fri 11-Oct-13 18:22:41

I think it's whatever works for you!

We've got three DCs between us; (none shared) and each Christmas has been different, depending on who is with us when! We've never done presents in advance of Xmas day, but we have delayed Xmas Day presents/meal until NYE so that all the DCs were with us - even though that meant that one DC having to wait a couple of days after arriving with us for their second Christmas!

The only issue that has ever come up is when my DDs dad burst the santa bubble - fortunately, she is astute enough not to have let slip in front of younger DSS, but only through luck, as of course her Dad hasn't explained that its important to keep the pretence up for youngers because he hasn't got any! I should have anticipated it, bur no he done.

This year, we won't have any DCs on Xmas Day - so we're moving it completely and DP and I will probably be decorating on Xmas day!

Stepmooster Fri 11-Oct-13 21:27:49

Am I right in thinking that you never plan on having the stepchildren any christmas day in the future? The only thing I would say is that although it doesn't bother me in the slightest I do want my children to have the opportunity to spend some of their santa believing christmases with their elder sibling. To me I can remember most childhood christmases and I want all children to remember spending at least a couple of christmas days together. DH also wants his son to think of his younger siblings just as important as his elder ones and that means having xmas and birthdays together eoy. There is also the chance that your stepkids may want to spend xmas day with you in future, my DSS asked his dad last year and prior to that DH had just let mum have him because it meant more to her. Now DH thinks that DSS probably thought DH wasn't that bothered about seeing him in the previous years and regrets not pushing for eoy earlier.

But I do like your hamper plan for the years the children will be with mum.

BonusMum Fri 11-Oct-13 22:29:39

Thank you for the comments smile

Stepmooster - yes the plan is never to have them on Christmas Day & if I'm honest I hadn't considered that they would feel like we/DH didn't want them. It's more that I know their mom wants them & DH isn't at all sentimental about birthdays and the like. If they ever wanted Christmas Day with us & their mom was OK with it I'd love to have them, and I kinda assume when they are grown up they will alternate Christmases. I also take the point about the LO spending Christmas with their siblings, I do worry that they will be a little lonely with no siblings on Christmas Day but I guess that's why I'm so keen to have the bonuses on Christmas Eve, I always though it it was better than the main event!

DH & I have discussed it this evening & I think we will try & have them the day after Boxing Day so its not so long for them to wait! We are both conscious of them going from pillar to post over the festivities and having worked in mental health/children's home/the justice system for a long time I'm a big believer in kids having routine! It's tricky because the last thing /i want is for the bonuses to feel left out but I don't want my child to feel that they have to wait for them to be at ours before the fun starts! I also know I massively over think things! lol

ThisWayForCrazy Wed 16-Oct-13 19:46:03

We have my DSS's every other Christmas. The Christmas when we don't have them we have them over New Year and have another "Christmas Day" with them. It works out brilliantly, and no anticlimax.

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