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Sofa Wars!

(32 Posts)
CountryGal13 Tue 08-Oct-13 13:05:12

I was just wondering where you all sit when your step children come to visit , who sits next to who or do you all just mix it up happily?
If I'm not already sat there, my step teens make a beeline for where they know I like to sit the minute they walk in the door. Not sure why but it feels like an intrusion of my personal space. I think the eldest (16) does this because she sees it as the best place to sit in relation to the tv (and possibly coz she like to be queen bee) and the youngest (12) does it coz she doesn't want me and her dad to sit there together. Sometimes she'll sit with me, not because she likes me, but to stop her dad being able to sit with me.
No matter how many times we ask them to move they alway do the same on their next visit.
On one hand I think I should just be the adult about it and go and just sit elsewhere but on the other hand I already feel pretty awkward sharing my home with two teenage girls who seem to like pretending I don't exist and I don't want them to think they can just come in and take over. Any advice would be appreciated.
Maybe I should encourage my husband to sit on the other couch with them so that they don't feel left out...
The fact that this is such an issue for me makes me feel a bit pathetic, haha, but I need to be able to still feel at home when they're here.

urtwistingmymelonman Tue 29-Oct-13 16:26:40

omg the front seat of the car thing!
my sister always used to let my nephew have the front seat even though I suffer from awful car sickness and it really got my goat so I started telling him myself to shift.
it was always understood when I was growing up that you gave up your seat for your elders but today some kids just don't get taught this.
its not a step-kid issue imo,just different ways children seem to be raised nowadays.

AlyssB Tue 29-Oct-13 18:35:33

The phrase in our house, and in my parents when growing up is 'on your feet, lose your seat'!! grin

Tbh it dosnt bother me much these days - no one wants to sit next to me when I have my knitting out anyway!

It really bothered me at first though. The way I try & see it now is I get all week with DP, DSD only gets the weekend with him & wants to spend time with him (she's 7) so I really can't begrudge her a few hours snuggled on the sofa can I?!

CountryGal13 Tue 29-Oct-13 21:13:13

I think it probably does have a lot to do with how you're raised. My mum and dad always had their own places in the lounge when I was a kid so I suppose that feels 'normal' to me. Possible my dsc see it completely differently as do some of you, which is fair play smile

purpleroses Tue 29-Oct-13 21:46:12

Kids trying to sneak into the adult's seat when they're not there is not a step issue, but working out how to deal with it very much is a step issue for me at least. I've never had any difficulty turffing my own DCs off a seat - they shuffle up, move to a different seat or whatever and that's how it always been. My DP's DCs were similarly always aware of where his seat was and would expect to give it up for him. But for me, getting to know them as pre-teens, coming into their house as a new adult, I was polite and careful at first to behave like a guest and not intrude. It's been far from easy in turning the situation round so that I feel like I'm the adult of the house and they are the children.

urtwistingmymelonman Wed 30-Oct-13 06:32:43

its not an issue.just tell them to move.

CountryGal13 Wed 30-Oct-13 09:37:11

You're right, it's not an issue anymore but thank you everyone for your replys smile

trooperlooperdo Thu 31-Oct-13 18:15:44

so if you hobble in on walking sticks to a sofa full of children, you should expect to stand all night? What a blinkered foolish attitude which will only serve to develop children "wot nose there roiyts innit"

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