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Adult step daughter -grr .

(80 Posts)
pinkpjs Tue 17-Sep-13 13:41:48

She's a pain . I began the relationship with dh , when she was 11 . She's now 21 married , and a mother to 2 herself .
To begin with she was pleasant child , apart from usual naughtiness you'd expect from teenager. Nothing out the ordinary , just usual , little bit of cheekiness , little it of rebellion ( staying out past time to come in ect ) . Like i said usual stuff. Until I dh and I decided on adding to our family.

When I became pregnant , she became a nightmare . And has stayed that way . She even banned me and her half siblings from her wedding.

To cut a long story short . Dh will always love his dd , as he should , even if he doesn't like her behaviour at times. He does not want to fall out with her , or risk missing out on his grandchildren .

The grandchildren have been kept away from me and my dc also . Shame , but I accept that and am not going to cause a fuss over something I can't change.

However adult step daughter has developed a very odd habit of phoning Dh at inappropriate times , first thing in morning , last thing at night , during films were watching , and generally at times when she knows via Facebook that we are doing something .

This morning it was 5 past 8 , to tell dh she had been to see a psychic . Apparently the psychic told her that Dh will phone her to appologise for something in the near future ... Why did she feel the need to share that when we are in the middle of getting everyone up and out to school and work ? Could it not have waited until after work tonight when he's got time to speak to her .

I am truly the "wicked stepmother " today .... After he tried a few times to get off the phone nicely without upsetting her , I started making "sex noises " in the background .

So I think the psychic might have been right after all ...Dh will need to phone her later to appologise for the " sex noises " grin .

Hopefully it will make her chose the timing of her phone calls a bit more carefully ! .

Bonsoir Tue 17-Sep-13 13:45:59

Your DSD sounds very immature. Does your DH realise this? Is he failing to act like an adult in response to her childlike behavior?

pinkpjs Tue 17-Sep-13 13:58:06

It's not so much that she's immature ( I can be immature just as much as she can ) , I think she's an incurable attention seeker .
She knows exactly what she's doing .

Dh is just patiently waiting for her to grow up .

I've just decided not to get upset by her anymore , if she pulls another one of her stunts she going to get a stunt back .

I've never been one for Public displays of affection , but next time I see her Dh is getting a great big slobbery ,washing machine action teenage style kiss , in front of her .

IF she upsets Dh by being mean to me , I'm going upset her by being extra nice to him ....I might even confuse her by being nice to her too grin

burberryqueen Tue 17-Sep-13 14:00:49

not sure rreally - two sides to every story and all do not sound all that 'mature' yourself tbh

Tryharder Tue 17-Sep-13 14:00:49

You sound equally as bad. I would like to hear her side of the story before I judge.

Yonihadtoask Tue 17-Sep-13 14:04:16


I don' think playing tit for tat is showing you to be the mature party in this 'relationship'.

Leave her to it. Let your DH handle it as he sees fit.

Tryharder Tue 17-Sep-13 14:05:14

In fact, you sound worse.

You are really intending to snog your DH in front of her just to wind her up? Either you are not for real or you are seriously losing the plot.

Grow up yourself and stop playing mind games with your DH's child.

She's entitled to call her Dad. If its not a convenient time, that's for your DH to tell her or for him quite simply not to answer the phone.

UC Tue 17-Sep-13 14:13:31

Gosh you sound as mature as she does. Making "sex noises" in the background?? Slobbering over DH to make a point??

I think YOU should telephone her to apologise about the sex noises. DH will have to say "I'm sorry my wife was making stupid noises in the background this morning, she's really immature". That might upset you, and you might come on here to post about it, but he'd be right.

If she's as mature as you, she'll be phoning at the most inconvenient times possible from now on.

You sound bonkers.

burberryqueen Tue 17-Sep-13 14:15:29

i feel for her...

OneStepCloser Tue 17-Sep-13 14:15:48

You sound a bit immature tbh, just leave her and your DP to have a relationship, just dont get involved.

pinkpjs Tue 17-Sep-13 14:16:16

Equally as bad ? . I suppose I am now , but then again I'm the idiot that would put that girls wants before my own needs for years and get nothing but contempt and attempts by her to destroy my relationship with Dh .

She bullied my daughter , she told my dss , her younger brother , to ignore me or destroy things in my house or hit my children She deliberately broke expensive gifts my daughter was given by her dad out of spite and jealousy ( neither I or Dh paid for those , or could afford to replace them ) .

She ruined an important family party , which was arranged by mil , because the day was not about her . She nearly ruined my wedding day .

So now that she's an adult , am i supposed to continue to treat her like a poor upset little girl ? She's an adult , if she dishes she can receive in retaliation .

burberryqueen Tue 17-Sep-13 14:20:16

whatever - you didn't mention those things before -
one thing - no offence but did you help break up her parents' marriage perchance/

Slipshodsibyl Tue 17-Sep-13 14:23:58

You say she knows what you are doing (eg watching a film) via Facebook. Stop posting such things. That might help the inconvenient timing of the calls and save your friends some not so interesting posts.

Hullygully Tue 17-Sep-13 14:24:45

you made sex noises?


pinkpjs Tue 17-Sep-13 14:33:11

No I had nothing to do with Dh and his ex wife's marriage breakdown .

He was very very single when we met . Living in his friends spare room actually . And I knew him for 6 months before we started dating .

His ex wife is actually quite nice , and we get on . She has no reason to have a grudge against me . I don't understand why Sdd acts the way she does . I know for a fact she does not have a nasty parent dripping poison in her ear .

Mabey I was a bit ott with noises , Dh was struggling to get off the phone and we were running late this morning . He needed off the phone quickly in a way that would not cause her to argue with him .

Hullygully Tue 17-Sep-13 14:34:52

It might have made her utterly repulsed and slightly damaged for life however.

ArgyMargy Tue 17-Sep-13 14:38:35

It's really very simple. Don't answer the phone if you don't want to speak to the person calling.

pinkpjs Tue 17-Sep-13 14:39:02

It's Dh that posts on fb , not me . I know she reads it because she always posts underneath comments after . Then the phone goes .

I know I should ignore it , I know that .

I've cracked up .

Will be all the broken sleep .

Most people phone their family to tell them news , dsd phones to tell us any old rubbish ... Like she's got a new can of beans .

Six months of that would drive anyone potty

Hullygully Tue 17-Sep-13 14:39:09

good point there Argy (great name btw)

burberryqueen Tue 17-Sep-13 14:39:40

I know for a fact she does not have a nasty parent dripping poison in her ear
she has a nasty stepparent though....

Hullygully Tue 17-Sep-13 14:40:43

Look, you are SUPPOSED to be the grown up. You are being childish. Be kind. I have a friend (with no dc) who loathes her dh's grown stepsons and never stops going on about it. it is so cruel and unkind to him and it makes her look like a massive unkind twat.

Think on.

Mueslimorning Tue 17-Sep-13 14:42:46

Pink, do think she feels that you alone were easy to handle? But that you and baby(ies) was just too much?
Maybe its a question of a fragile ego (does dad still love me more?)
Was she a surrogate partner for dh before you two met? Did she listen to him complain about his woes and feel the need to comfort him (instead of other way round, parent being there for child.) ... And then you replaced her?
It sounds to me that although the teen years were a tad difficult, it was creating more offspring that made dsd more assertive of her dads affection, attention etc?
I'd say your dh plays a big part in all this and you are forced into the bad cop role, making threatening noises and all....

pinkpjs Tue 17-Sep-13 14:43:18

Hully .... She's a 21 year old married mother of two . It's not like she's 16.

I'm at my wits end . No actually well beyond that .

None of this is normal .

I've just decided to join the madness . Fighting it doesn't work , ignoring it doesn't work . ( we answer because there might be something wrong with one of the children ((dc)) , if she needed help with her kids of course we'd both drop everything to help her ) .

FannyFifer Tue 17-Sep-13 14:44:44

Sex noises? Grow the fuck up.

ArgyMargy Tue 17-Sep-13 14:44:55

Thanks Hully grin

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