I am so angry right now

[dtsmum]

DH has two boys from a previous relationship. (8 & 6) Their Mother has always been a nasty, vindictive person who uses the boys to get to him. She's constantly playing mind games with DH and for some strange reason he lets it all happen! She's with a new man and they are planning to get married. New man is exactly the same as her. At Christmas, her bloke informed my DH that they are moving abroad and taking dsc with them. DH was understandably devastated.
Anyway, they're leaving next week. She has agreed to bring them back 3 times a year but has told eldest 'provided your dad continues with my csa payments then you will still see him'! That in itself has annoyed me.
Boys are with us now as DH wanted to spend some time with them before they left. Last night DH was setting up the email accounts on their iPods so they could keep in touch with family and came across messages to the boys from her bloke. He calls himself 'dad' The messages were 'we're in such and such, see you soon love mum and dad' 'make sure you help your mum today love dad' and then one when the boys were with us saying 'have fun with daddy DH's name'
I'm feeling so hurt and upset for DH who is a fantastic dad. I can't help feeling that they are poisoning the kids minds already, how bad Will it be when they are in a different country and he won't see them as often.
DH is being very calm about it all and not saying anything! [Angry]

[Ledkr]

Poor dh. Did he get legal advice?
I've never understood why anyone could take a child away from its parent. I speak as a divorced mum who's ex is entirely useless.
The only thing I can say is if he continues to be a good dad then the boys will make their own minds up.
Very sad

[DontstepontheMomeRaths]

It's a hideous situation. My good friend feels like a sperm donor. His ExW moved a new man in and insisted the children called him Dad and my friend is called Daddy (his name). It's very painful. Incidentally she lives in another Country and he finds it very hard to arrange visits with her. 6 years on and it's just as hard, if not more so for him.

I would want a legal framework drawn up on agreed contact before they left. If that's possible.

I'm divorced myself but work hard to be amicable with my ExH, speak well of him and facilitate good contact with him.

It must be hard being a by stander in this, as you care deeply for him.

[Ledkr]

Why oh why do these women insist on getting their dc to call new partners daddy?
My dd is being practically raised by my dh (her sd) but she still knows who her dad is. It's all for the adults, it's not did the kids.

[dtsmum]

Thanks for the replies. DH didn't get legal advice, despite being advised to months ago. He's just sat back and watched it all happen. I think this is half the problem for me. Everything she says/does takes precedence over everything else. It took DH over a year before he would even mention my name in front of her and when she called me 'her indoors' etc he never corrected her! She ruined the last two Christmas' with her spiteful actions and words and yet he still talks to her like she's something special.
I just hope she does the right thing by them when they've gone but I have a nasty feeling DH will lose the bond he has with his boys now.

[mumandboys123]

Ledkr - there is no suggestion that mum has forced her children to call her partner dad. I have seen it said plenty of times here that it isnt an issue to have your step children call you mum if it is something that has come from them. Not sure why its different the other way? Assuming thats the case - and hes telling the children to have fun with theor dad that doesnt sound like someone being deliberatley difficult.

Where are they moving to? it is possibly too late but there is such a thing as a 'mirror order' to help maintain regular contact. Might be useful if you are concerned about contact. and why wouldnt your partner continue to pay maintenance?

[Soundofraindrops84]

I totally agree with u on that, if the parents has the child call a step parent mum or dad whilst the other parent still Involved, they are doing it for themselves, not the child

[CaptainSweatPants]

Why only 3 times a year? How far is it ?

[Ledkr]

mumandboys I have experience if two re marriages and its totally unnecessarily IMO to expect the dc to call the new dp mum or dad. It places two much emphasis on a name whilst the real proof if a mum or dad is in the actions of the dp.
I have known many people who prefer their dc to refer to their do as mum or dad and I feel that it's more to do with the parents needs than the child's best interests.
In this case why else would the do refer to himself as dad and their birth father as "daddy Christian nane" other than if it had been suggested and encouraged by the mum.

[dtsmum]

They are moving to Turkey. Both boys started calling him Dad very early in and despite us explaining you only have one Mum and one Dad it has continued. I have a DS of my own and he spoke to the boys about it the other night and asked them why they call him Dad and they said because mummy told us too. So yes it is clearly her doing. DH would never stop paying maintenance, it's the way she has told him and their eldest child that if he doesn't she won't bring them back for visits. I wish DH had done something earlier, he wouldn't stop them going but I think something legal in place would have made things a bit easier.

[mumtobealloveragain]

Is there any reason he can't now apply to Court for a Prohibited Steps Order to stop them moving overseas?

I don't know how that would work to be honest, has he already given his permission for her to take them to live in Turkey or has he just not taken any formal steps to stop them?

It might not be too late. I can't understand why he hasn't done something before now though...