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is the bm still 'in'with ur dp family?

(92 Posts)
in2minds22 Wed 24-Jul-13 11:01:15

It pisses me off. She does everything to try and be in there.Shes like a dogs d**k. She's going his sisters today (who I have on Facebook) with her (and dp) kids. And now ill have all the pictures on Facebook to look forward to. Dp works so do I so when we do have the kids we take them out for the day so don't always have time to take them to see go round his sisters and dads. I know her kids are his sisters niece/nephew but it just pisses me off how she has to be in there especially when me and dp are not. (His family are mental/two faced have caused drama) so me and dp detach ourselves. Im dying to tell bm some of the stuff theyve said to me behind her back. Nasty things like she doesnt change her knickers or wash her hair etc but I wouldnt stoop that low and cause unnecessary drama but it's soooo tempting cos she thinks she's best mates with them when really they just slag her off behind her back.. I just cant wait til she drops a kid to her new bf and f**ks off! !

sillyname Wed 24-Jul-13 11:04:34

Not what you posted yesterday.

I take it you have had a bad day. This will not end well.

in2minds22 Wed 24-Jul-13 11:08:16

She doesn't give us any grief as in u can't see the kids she can't see the kids and all of that. She just likes to be in there she can still piss me off

lunar1 Wed 24-Jul-13 11:09:13

You sound lovely.

Reality Wed 24-Jul-13 11:11:06

BM? I hope to god you dont' mean Birth Mother beciase that is INCREDIBLY offensive, she is their MOTHER and BM is a term used when children have been adopted.

I can't even be bothered with the rest of it.

Grow up.

SoupDragon Wed 24-Jul-13 11:11:27

If his family are "mental/two faced" why do you care that she is friends with them?
If his family are "mental/two faced" why on earth do you have members as facebook friends?

SlimePrincess Wed 24-Jul-13 11:11:51

O dear.

Auntfini Wed 24-Jul-13 11:12:47

Birth mother? Oh dear

SlimePrincess Wed 24-Jul-13 11:13:50

Would you prefer your partners family just ignored her? What would be your ideal scenario?

ResNulis Wed 24-Jul-13 11:15:06


mynameisslimshady Wed 24-Jul-13 11:15:18

If she 'drops a kid' to her boyfriend it will probably just serve to piss you off more when the baby also goes visiting your dps family.

You sound very jealous of her.

MirandaWest Wed 24-Jul-13 11:15:30

Saying birth mother is a bit off - I am my DCs mother - they haven't been adopted afaik.

I am sometimes in touch with XHs family - will be taking the DC there next week. I wouldn't want to be spending lots of time there as I'd feel awkward but also it is quite a distance away. You sound rather cross tbh

sillyname Wed 24-Jul-13 11:16:04

Its nice for the kids if they can see their cousins and extended family with their mother. That is in their best interests. They live with her, she will always be a part of your life.

Maybe this relationship is not for you. Step parenting is tough at the best of times and this really is a non issue.

If you are jealous of this, the future is bleak for you all.

ImNotBloody14 Wed 24-Jul-13 11:17:13

Very immature. You will ( hopefully) realise one day when you grow up that this shit doesnt matter. It really doesnt. Let her do what she wants- even if it is in attempt to get at you ( doesnt sound like it is tbh) it can only get to you if you let it. Decide not to and get on with your life. You will feel so much hapier if you let go of this negativity.

Mckayz Wed 24-Jul-13 11:20:03

I go and have coffee with my XMIL some mornings. I'd go with DS2 and take my DD who isn't her granddaughter.

I can't see the problem really. DS2 gets to see his Grandma and we have a nice chat and catch up.

If you want to be in a relationship with someone that already has children then you need to realise that the MOTHER of his children will always been in his life.

secretsoutherncomfortdrinker Wed 24-Jul-13 11:24:30

i think your being a bit unfair to the bm i get on very well with exdps family and do the same thing very often they invite me to family events i have even just recieved an invite to his sisters wedding.

I want my dcs to know both sides of their family and as you said you and ypur dp work so don't often have time to take them so if you don't like it perhaps you should have chosen a man who has a past plus baggage

secretsoutherncomfortdrinker Wed 24-Jul-13 11:30:20

I am asuming bm means babymother as that is what it means where i'm from and i find the term rude and very disrespectful its as if your sayin this women just slept with a guy and got pregnant vile.

Leviticus Wed 24-Jul-13 11:35:00

Vile terminology. Vile post.

PaleHousewifeOfCumbriaCounty Wed 24-Jul-13 11:37:24

Yanbu. Its always better for kids to grow up in hostile and nasty family environments.

Shitty post. Very selfish.

in2minds22 Wed 24-Jul-13 11:55:23

I thought bm was biological mother as in dc mam so I never thought that it was for when children are adopted confused and I think I'm just feeling shitty cos of the way dp family have treat dp and me. Were being pushed out n she (who they have told me repeatedly that they don't like her and have said something disgusting things about her) is going round pretending to be best mates. Its not about letting the kids see their family I understand that its the two faceness of it all

UC Wed 24-Jul-13 12:01:41

Let it go. It will eat you up. Just be glad for the children that they are able to have a relationship with all of their family all of the time.

your issue is with how you and dp relate with his family, not with how his ex does. Sort out that - you have some control over that at least.

I am a mum and a SM. And I still think you are being very unreasonable. Just because your dp and his ex split up does not mean that she can't have a relationship with his family.

SoupDragon Wed 24-Jul-13 12:03:24

I thought bm was biological mother as in dc mam

She is their real mother. You aren't any kind of mother, just their father's girlfriend, so no clarification of "mother" is needed.

Leviticus Wed 24-Jul-13 12:04:08


You don't want to spend time with DP's family so it's nice that she takes the kids to see them - you don't have to.

You don't like either her or the family so why do you care if they are two faced about one another? It's no skin off your nose.

Try to focus on something more positive.

Owllady Wed 24-Jul-13 12:09:11

You are with someone who has had a family with someone else and you are going to have to get used to this kind of thing happening. The children will also grow up one day and you will have to mix with their Mum yourself. i think it might be worth having a long hard look at whether or not you can cope this/that and cut your losses tbh. This isn't about you or your dp or his ex, it's about the children and what is best for them

Twirlyhot Wed 24-Jul-13 12:11:49

Grow up.

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