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Step-parenting

Quick WWYD about bedrooms (always the bedrooms!)

8 replies

ProbablyJustGas · 03/07/2013 18:10

Hi there,

DH and I are expecting a baby in November. We are actually trying to figure this out ourselves, but some perspective from moms who have been through it before would be handy too.

We have a 3-bed house, with the master bed and 2nd bed upstairs, and bedroom three is downstairs. DSD (age 7) is currently upstairs in the 2nd bedroom, and sleeps in it every other week, for 7 days at a time. Her bedroom is slightly bigger than the spare bedroom downstairs.

DH and I would like to keep the baby in our bedroom with us for ~6 months after it's born, following the advice about SIDS and all that. But, after that, we are pretty darn sure we'll have to have the baby in the upstairs bedroom. The baby will be with us every day of the year, as opposed to DSD who is with us only half of the year. Neither DH nor I are really warm to the idea of 1) stumbling down the stairs in the middle of the night, in a rush to tend to a crying baby or 2) finding out the baby learned to climb out of its crib after it runs into some hazard downstairs, while we are upstairs none the wiser. We think the baby is slightly more likely to be safe upstairs, where we can get to it a bit quicker.

Question is, would you move your young stepdaughter downstairs sooner or later? Would you not bother with a big furniture switcheroo until the baby is ready to move into its own cot, or would you save yourself some hauling and dismantling later on and do it all before you get the nursery furniture delivered and built?

I don't actually know what's going to be the best solution - the most emotionally sensitive one doesn't seem to be the most practical one. But maybe I'm making too big a deal of it all - wouldn't be the first time!

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UC · 03/07/2013 18:40

I think I might wait until the baby is born, then DSD will hear it crying in the night, you having to get up etc. etc., and is more likely to understand why it would be better for her to move.

You could decorate the bedroom downstairs with lots of input from her to make it more of a treat.

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NatashaBee · 03/07/2013 18:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProbablyJustGas · 03/07/2013 19:27

thanks, dh and I talked again about this on the way home tonight and agreed that way does make the most sense. dsd asked us months ago if we could paint her bedroom pink, and we said no at the time, but will offer to do that for her when we move her to the new room.

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purpleroses · 03/07/2013 20:34

I'd wait until the baby needs the new room. Agree that once the baby's out of your room you'll want it on the same floor as you, but when it's tiny it might be quite handy having a downstairs room for it - ie if it's sleeping in the daytime it would be nearby.

You also might find if the baby is noisy at night and DSD's a light sleeper that she gets woken by it in the next room and would prefer to move downstairs.

When you do move her down, explain that the baby needs to be close to you so that you'll hear quickly if it cries and is safer with you nearby, and don't say it's because she's not there as much - that way she'll feel the new room is an exciting new thing for her, rather than the baby is taking her space in the family.

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Turniptwirl · 07/07/2013 15:40

I would never tell dsd that its because she's only there part of the time. Pitch it as her being a big girl doing you all a nonnegtioable favour because baby needs to be close to you for middle of the night feeds etc.

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MsColour · 07/07/2013 21:09

It seems like you have no choice about moving your sd downstairs - you can't have a baby on another floor and you would be doing the same if she were yours and with you all the time.

It might be an idea to start explaining it to her now to get her used to the idea. Could maybe sell the idea by saying that if she's downstairs she won't be disturbed by the baby at night. Maybe start planning and decorating it now and maybe get her involved in choosing things for the baby's bedroom as well so she feels included and not pushed out.

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NicknameIncomplete · 12/07/2013 16:22

I have another suggestion.

How about dsd and the new baby sharing a room?

My dd (9) would love this. My dd would feel like she was being pushed aside by being moved downstairs away from everyone.

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purpleroses · 15/07/2013 13:27

My DD (9) shares with her baby brother (in theory) when she's at her dad's and it's a nightmare. He wakes and that wakes her. Or she wants to turn the light on and that wakes him. Most nights she ends up decamping to the couch. So wouldn't recommend the solution suggested above until the new baby is 2 or 3 and sleeping well.

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