Life insurance(55 Posts)
My DH has just informed me that if he was to die he would want his children to get a lump sum, even if this means our ds and I having to sell the family home. He has ds 12 dd6, we have ds 24 wks. He keeps going on about his his ex has to care fit his kids but I try to point out she won't loose get home. I need some perspective. He said if I'm that worried I should put on insurance plane to cover ds and I
That's awful You should be putting your bloody foot down! So basically one of his children loses their home and he says that so matter of factly? And why? Because he wants his other two children to get a lump sum and that his ex has to care for them??
How about all 3 of his children get some money and they all get to keep their homes? Is that so difficult for him to grasp?
If my DP said that to me and put more value on DSD (and his ex ) over the boys, rather than all of the children being equal then I think it would mark the end of our relationship and I would have his bags packed ready for him. How can any father just decide which children are more important to him.
it would really make sense for him to take out life insurance, naming his ex as the beneficiary and for a sum total that would at least cover what he is currently paying in child maintenance. It could last for as many years as you have left for the youngest child to reach the age of 18 or probably better at 21 or even 25 if university is likely. That way, if he dies, his ex gets a huge lump sum which if she uses sensibly, will last for as long as the children are young.
Perhaps he thinks he's complementing you, albeit in a backhanded way? That you're capable and can manage but she's not going to be able to?
But from what I can gather it means the OP and her child lose their home to facilitate that lump sum, which isn't fair.
Happily ny DH just named me on the life insurance, but as someone said earlier, if he tried to put dsd before dd there would be hell on.
All of the kids are equal and one shouldnt be made homeless for the sake of the others (who already have a home)
You need to put a massive foot down OP
Our ds is only 24 weeks, dsc are 12 & 6. I know he wants to look after them all, he said I should take out an insurance to look after our ds if I'm that worried. Tried to tell him it would be bad enough loosing his dad, then to loose his home as well so the other two don't have to wait for money is bad. (Don't know if they would feel comfortable doing that)
Can you have two policies running together? Maybe he could have one for his dc's and one for ds and I. I hate all this. Money is evil, it's only come about as we may be buying a house. Hope I go first, then there would be no problems
Oh what is this man playing at?! I can't believe he is actually suggesting you sell your DS's home so that his other 2 children get a nice wad of cash! I feel so sad for you and your DS.
Serious question... Does he love your DS that you have together?
I would be fuming emily. Your DS is going to have nothing but hatred towards his father for disregarding him so much and taking away his home, whilst knowing that his siblings are swimming in it. If my DP did this to our DSs I would rub their father's name in the mud and ruin his memory so much after passing away and ensure that they always remember their father as a spineless, heartless, horrible man who loved their sister more than them.
Gosh that sounds very extreme of me doesn't it? I think this is a situation where your emotions would be working on overtime, watching your child lose their home inborder to fund their siblings' nice big lump sum. It's just not something that could ever be justified.
Ds would also get money, it would go three ways. (Think he would prefer a home though)
Absolutely. Where would he go? A nice bit of money is nothing compared to having somewhere to live
Maybe he's just worried that if everything goes to you, you remarry, then die, all of his money could end up completely out of the family with your dsc getting nothing. I think his worries are valid tbh. Best get sufficient life insurance.
I'm a will writer (I have a paid for advert over on MN Classifieds (Small Business).
OP the obvious way around the problem is two fold:
1. Your dh gets decreasing term insurance to cover the child maintenance liability (usually this ends on the child's 18th birthday or completion of full time secondary education, whichever is the later but your dh needs to check the wording on his consent order)
2. Your dh makes a will, leaving his share of your home on a lifetime trust. This means that instead of giving his share to you outright, he "gives" it to 2 trustees (one of which can be you) to hold for the benefit of all three children. You continue to live in the house with your little one, and only when you die or remarry is the house sold, you keep your half if you're still alive, but if you die, your half goes to whomever you like (presumably your biological children), his half is divided at that point between the children.
A life interest trust gives you the security of staying in the home, but all 3 children (or more, if you have them), are guaranteed to get something when your dh passes on. Given the fact that you have a new baby, I'm assuming that your dh is still quite young, so not likely to pop off any time soon!
The insurance to cover child maintenance is something which lots of people do and would sort out the short term problem in the very unlikely event that your dh did die while still liable to pay mtce.
btw for anyone interested, my paid-for advert on Classifieds is titled "5* Will Writing Service Recommended by Mumsnetters".
he's being an arse
He should take out life insurance, with all 3 children named as beneficiaries.
Regarding the house - are you joint tenants or tenants in common? This makes a huge difference. If joint tenants, you automatically get his share anyway
Put your foot down.
Because of my DH's 'grabby' ex I made sure our wills state the house and any money go the the surviving spouse and on the death of the surviving spouse everything is split equally between the children.
We have also told the children irrespective of which one of us dies first there's nothing for either of them till the other one of us dies.
Gemma the thing I wouldn't like about that arrangement is if you die and your DH remarries. Everything in his name would then be jointly due to his new wife. Your children could end up either getting a lot less than you intended, or indeed nothing.
We also had to be careful due to a 'grabby' ex. I don't have children, but DH has a son. When we made our wills, we took out a life insurance policy to cover any maintenance liability. As regards everything else, if one of us dies, everything goes to the other party, and when the last one of us dies, it will all go to DSS. DH would never intentionally leave me in a messy situation, but I wanted to get it all sorted out properly, otherwise I feared that if anything happened to DH, his share of the house could end up going to DSS.
But going back to the original point of this thread - if DH announced that I'd be homeless in the event of his death, to provide DSS with a lump sum ..... well, words fail me. In a bio family, if Dad dies then everything is passed to Mum (usually) and then when Mum dies, it then goes to the children. Why should it be different in a blended family?
He's just informed me that if he dies I can get a house on the social as this is what his ex had to do when they split (they were never married)
Thanks mumblechum1, I will look into that. I'm so angry right now so need to sort my head out.
I've never heard of such a blatant, and horrible, case of putting the second family very definitely second. I'm not suggesting the 'first' children should be disadvantaged, but what's wrong with some parity, plus some consideration for his wife ????????
And you married and had a child with this man because ?????
"He's just informed me that if he dies I can get a house on the social"
Who owns the house??
Emily, do you own the house as tenants in common or joint tenants, do you know? Because that would make a big difference.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.