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I'm scared...

(11 Posts)
sighkotika Thu 01-Jun-06 12:03:10

My DP has a son from a previous relationship and he is attempting to go for custody. I have met his son a couple of times and he is a really sweet little boy, but i just dont know how i am goig to cope if my DP does get custody. My DP and i have been together for just over a year, and i am 4 months pregnant. i am not scared of being a stepmum to his son, but i am scared about how i am going to cope with a two year old and a new baby. i've only just got used to the idea that i am going to be a mum myself and the prospect of going from having no children at all, to having two instantly seems terrifying. im not even sure that i will be a good mum to one let alone two.

im not saying i dont want my DPs son to live with us... i really do, im just worried i will make a mess of everything

zippitippitoes Thu 01-Jun-06 12:06:09

why is he going for custody, would that be shared custody...?

NotActuallyAMum Thu 01-Jun-06 12:10:58

Hello sighkotika

My dsd came to live with us just over a month ago. She's 13, I've known DP (and her) for nearly 2 years. Believe me, I was - and sometimes still am - terrified at the prospect but you really do, somehow, cope

Must be worse for you though being pregnant, but honestly you'll be fine

Keep posting, you'll find lots of support on here

sighkotika Thu 01-Jun-06 12:24:47

no he isnt going for shared custody, he wants full custody. his ex has already given up her parental rights to her parents, who they all live with, and her parents have sent my DP a residency order for him to sign (new name for custody order as far as i have been told) he is contesting the residency and wants to look after him here.

thanks NAAM :D i have read your previous post and just hope i can do as well as you when it comes down to it

zippitippitoes Thu 01-Jun-06 12:29:07

I think you will find it very hard work..are you planning to be SAHM and dp work ?

It will be as you say a big adjustment. |Is it waht you want..you haven't been with your partner very long so you are making big demands on your relationship.

NotActuallyAMum Thu 01-Jun-06 12:35:16

Thank you

I assume this is your first child?

I felt just the same as you, really I did. I was thinking allsorts - how am I going to cope? What if I make a complete mess of it? What if she doesn't like living here because of me?

You're braver than me already - I was scared of being a full-time stepmum, still am sometimes

Don't be too hard on yourself, it's a major life change and it's bound to be daunting

sighkotika Thu 01-Jun-06 12:52:29

Zippi i had planned on staying at home for a while after my baby is born, because i couldnt imagine leaving him/her for any length of time. with the added responsibility of a two year old, it looks like I am definately going to be doing that now. my DP and i hae spoken about his son living with us before, so yes, it is what i want, i am just a bit overwhelmed that its happening so fast. i know we havent been together long, and i know there will be pressures put on the relationship, but i know we can sort it out when it comes to it. we are planning on getting married next october, so this isnt something that i am not commited to.

NAAM yes this is my first child and that in itself is scary lol. i am always hard on myself, i guess im just a perfectionist in some situations lol

NotActuallyAMum Thu 01-Jun-06 13:11:06

Sounds like we're similar characters, my DP is always telling me off for being too hard on myself

Am I right in assuming that this will go through the courts? If so it probably won't happen for a while

btw you're quite right that a residency order is the new 'custody'

sighkotika Thu 01-Jun-06 13:19:46

there seem to be a lot of us worriers about NAAM lol

i think it probably will go to court. even though the mother couldnt care either way, her parents will definately fight it. DP is really worried about his son and i know he will do his absolute best to have him here with us.

NotActuallyAMum Thu 01-Jun-06 13:38:59

I really hope this goes your way sighkotika

Do keep us posted

Please remember - you will need your DPs full support on this, he needs to realise it's a massive thing you're doing for him and he needs to give plenty of input/support too. It's not so bad for me given dsd's age - although she's just become a teenager so that'll bring it's own problems lol - but being a toddler he will of course demand sooooooo much more attention than my dsd does from us

nicnack2 Thu 01-Jun-06 16:20:08

hi sighkotika

keep in touch in here where you will get alot of support and advice. i am residential step mum and also have two young children of our own.

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