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Lose Lose Situation!

(87 Posts)
needaholidaynow Mon 24-Jun-13 08:05:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

psychologymum Mon 01-Jul-13 10:13:18

You can only do your best. Don't worry about what DSD's mum thinks or says. It sounds like you have made the right decision.

Tuckshop Mon 01-Jul-13 08:41:52

If you usually get on why don't you just ring her and explain? You haven't actually heard from the horses mouth how she feels, you just have your dp's interpretation. Like you say, it doesn't seem to make sense in the context of your previous relationship with her.

I think I'd be speaking to her direct before I started to get caught up in the whole she's just doing this to give herself an opportunity to point score thing.

Dejected Sun 30-Jun-13 17:30:39

You will never be right in this situation unfortunately so do what is best for you, your DH and your children (including DSD). Sod everyone else.

needaholidaynow Sun 30-Jun-13 13:09:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daisychain01 Sat 29-Jun-13 20:00:52

Sure the OP is able to make her mind up, as I am sure she will. On that we can definitely agree. I am sure we have her best interests at heart whatever approach we choose to use.

PrettyPaperweight Sat 29-Jun-13 09:50:03

Do you really feel you are helping the situation or making things worse?

Of course I think I'm helping - but perhaps I don't think you are? Taking the moral high ground can be soul (and relationship) destroying over time - sometimes fighting fire with fire can be more effective.
Surely it's up to the OP to decide for herself which approach to take - and maybe we won't all agree with her wink

emilyeggs Sat 29-Jun-13 08:23:39

Bravo prettypaper! I'm still gutted about sports day, never mind. I also got told not to wash dsc clothes once (that's in the past now) grin

daisychain01 Sat 29-Jun-13 08:12:12

Prettpaperweight, it is a shame you appear to be stirring negativity a bit too much. OP has given some further helpful insight to her original post saying that in general terms they all get on, and yes she is upset by this latest situation and needs to move things forward I sense that needaholiday needs support but not in the way you are doing! your latest post is contining to take the contrary view by responding negatively to mumsandboys (who aimed to illustrate there could be a different explanation, given OP and DSDs mum do normally get along reasonably) Having read your latest post it comes across as perpetuating bad feeling rather than suggesting to needaholiday to step away from things and detach, for her own peace of mind, rather than keep going on and on. Do you really feel you are helping the situation or making things worse?

PrettyPaperweight Sat 29-Jun-13 07:21:52

mother is happy to have step mother in child's life. Mother believes she is doing the 'right thing' by inviting step mother to child's dance recital. Step mother can't attend. Mother put out by this - rightly or wrongly - and expresses it.
you do realise that you have constant conflict with the ex because you look for it, don't you?

Or
......why,why, why?

Stepmum is happy to play an active role in stepdaughters life. Stepmum (rightly or wrongly) thinks she's doing the right thing by declining invitation to daughters dance recital. Mum put out by this and has a go at her exH about it.
You do realise that there is conflict between ex partners because Mum is looking for it, don't you?

daisychain01 Fri 28-Jun-13 22:16:24

Nice one :-) I'm enjoying a nice vino * hic *

needaholidaynow Fri 28-Jun-13 22:16:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allnewtaketwo Fri 28-Jun-13 22:02:33

OP, think of it this way...for her to be this bitter and twisted she must be very unhappy with her life. I think of this when DSSs' mother is being evil.

needaholidaynow Fri 28-Jun-13 21:58:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

allnewtaketwo Fri 28-Jun-13 21:54:38

That's unfair, how was the OP to expect trouble from the ex for no attending her DSCs show? She didn't exactly ask for that hmm

needaholidaynow Fri 28-Jun-13 21:52:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumandboys123 Fri 28-Jun-13 21:51:20

why, why, WHY??????

mother is happy to have step mother in child's life. Mother believes she is doing the 'right thing' by inviting step mother to child's dance recital. Step mother can't attend. Mother put out by this - rightly or wrongly - and expresses it. Step mother, egged on by god knows how many other step mothers, twists what to any sensible person is simply something where two people are somewhat at cross-purposes and not getting on, into something really quiet sinister involving hours of careful thought about just who is important and who isn't in the father's life. The father. What on earth has he got to do with it?

you do realise that you have constant conflict with the ex because you look for it, don't you?

needaholidaynow Fri 28-Jun-13 21:48:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissStrawberry Fri 28-Jun-13 21:48:09

Maybe you could do a trial run to see what you need to give to your DS to keep him happy and quiet for 2 hours at this show?? (as long as you could leave sharpish so the child isn't distressed) wink

<remembers shovelling rice cakes into DS2's mouth aged about 2 at DS1's assembly in a vain attempt to keep him quiet.>

needaholidaynow Fri 28-Jun-13 21:46:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needaholidaynow Fri 28-Jun-13 21:44:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissStrawberry Fri 28-Jun-13 21:26:38

<shakes hands with PrettyPaperweight>

allnewtaketwo Fri 28-Jun-13 21:23:30

How bizarre. Sometimes things make me realise the human race really hasn't evolved very far from our predecessors

PrettyPaperweight Fri 28-Jun-13 21:16:54

missstrawberry I don't think you're far wrong there; this is a perfect opportunity for the OPs DPs ex to publically mark her territory - after all, he is the father of her DD who is starring in the show!

Some Mums would actually set their DCs stepmum up - invite her along to an event and then play the victim to her friends/other parents about how insensitive it was of her to turn up.
I don't think that's the case here; Mum is clearly marking her territory by dictating how her DCs stepmum should behave - playing the trump card of I'm the mother as a way of pulling rank, putting the OP in her place and reminding her that despite having a family with her ex, he is her ex, and therefore she had him before the OP!

allnewtaketwo Fri 28-Jun-13 20:47:37

That just doesn't make any sense. By the sounds of the OP sees the child on a regular basis. Are you suggesting the ex is wanting the OP to attend, leaving her own child behind, to illustrate how important her partners first child is? That seems twisted to me clearly to the extent I have great difficulty comprehending it!

Ledkr Fri 28-Jun-13 20:45:33

My dd is in a show tomorrow night and I only bought one ticket as dh will fall asleep needs to look after dd2 who would spoil the show if she came.
She's being an idiot if you ask me.
Dance moms are a bit weird.

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