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please advice me how best to deal with this

(8 Posts)
squeelybean Mon 24-Jun-13 14:29:08

I could have written your post 3 years ago with DD who spent her whole time making me feel like shit.

I have even cancelled her Xmas with Ex because she sobbed so hard and didnt want to go, she back tracked within 2 mins of being on the phone with himangry I looked like a controlling loony in his eyes!

As for our shit holidays, crap car, piddly house and inedible food compared to her Dad. Need i say more!!

The bottom line is she is now nearly 14 and thankfully has started to appreciate home, see's her Dad for the self absorbed tosser he is and she has total control of what she wants to do with him and when. I havent spoken to Ex for 2 yearssmile

Rise above and ignore, ignore, ignore.....

If DD says she doesnt want to do something with us then i say fine and we carry on without her. If she doesnt want to do something with her Dad then i tell her to tell him herselfgrin

The stress was unbelievable at the time but life has settled since i opted out of her and his games and it appears to have stopped her playing them for now.

nameofanother Sun 23-Jun-13 23:30:53

Think that is the most upsetting part, that he might want to be like his Dad. Manipulative smart arse who has as much emotion/compassion/sensitivity as my tonsills. (had them out 19 years ago)

Problem is ds will say 'i don't want to go to Dads if he is at work as I will be bored'. Then he won't tell Dad but expects me to. Then when i do say to ex he will give ds the look and ds will say he is happy to go.
Perhaps it is time I let ds speak up even if it means enduring the tears and tantrums from ds.
Why is it so bloody hard.

I had years of having to hand over a screaming baby/toddler to my ex and was so pleased that it had become more amicable and ds was happy to go.
Since his latest dc born he has pissed me off no end with his lack of time for ds.

When I take ds to him for contact (live 200miles apart)
ex wants him from first thing when ds wakes up until tea time next day meaning we drive home arriving back often as late as 11pm.
When ex comes here he arrives whenever he makes it (varies 9am-1pm) and by 1pm next day I have texts asking when can i meet to get ds as the 'sooner he gets his pre school dd home the better' and if i say i can't come til say 3pm he will say 'oh i suppose i can kill some time then' which makes me mad as he is supposed to be having quality time with ds.

Oh I could cry. It is so infuriating. sad angry sad

holstenlips Sun 23-Jun-13 22:38:11

Sorry :-( pretty normal from your ds I think but I know from personal experience how damn frustrating it is . Try to rise above ( says me who ties herself in knots about this sort of thing all the time)

babyhmummy01 Sun 23-Jun-13 22:36:08

Ignore that just seen on ur post.

He wants like hun that's all. Ignore the crap and rise above it

babyhmummy01 Sun 23-Jun-13 22:35:19

Just walk away hun, tell him.u will only communicate via email and refuse to engage.

How old is ur ds

nameofanother Sun 23-Jun-13 22:04:55

Thanks for replying.

Unfortunately convo was infront of ds as was at pick up. I did say to my ds to go in the car but he refused and I said to ex talk about it later but he continued.

Ex is horrible. When ds comes back from his weekends unfortunately his dads opinions have rubbed off on ds. Like tonight ds tells me our car is ugly. I know this came from ex and whilst petty it grates on me. Ex is a nasty piece of work but he is clever and manipulative. He literally dragged me through court with his expensive lawyers and clever words and left me with no faith in the system whatsoever.

Feel like I am at the mercy of my ex until ds is an adult. sad

babyhmummy01 Sun 23-Jun-13 19:30:20

He is just being a kid hun. He doesn't hate you and his dad is being an arse esp as u gave him plenty of notice. Once u r away he will forget all about it.

Ur post reads like convo with his dad was in front of him, was this the case? If so prob best to make sure he is out of ear shot next time.

Disney dad's are a pain in the ass I am afraid

nameofanother Sun 23-Jun-13 17:27:12

My exh and I have been seperated since ds 6mnths. He has reg contact and holiday time.

We are both remarried with 2 more dc each.

Since his last dc was born there has been no holiday invite for ds. I said nothing as thought perhaps his partner wanted a quiet hol and the baby is yoing etc although personally feel it is a bit unfair on ds.

We have arranged our hols and out of 7 weeks offered ex any of 5 to have ds for a hol, this was end of March. Now with just days until the hols start (Scotland) he is kicking up a stink saying when will he have ds. Ex has taken one of the weeks we are away as holiday despite knowing this was the only time ds not free.

Whilst having this conversation my ds 9 says to me 'why do we have to go on holiday its rubbish, we never do anything good'.

DS then got in car crying saying he hates me. This is the boy who yesterday when his Dad was due to pick him up sat moaning he didn't want to go.

I don't know how to deal with this so as not to cause my ds any more emotional damage. I feel so bloody hurt by him but he is only a child. Ex does so little suits himself and is a manipulative bastard but he has plenty cash to buy ds on the time they have together. Yet after 9 yrs running my ds around the place to all his various things today he hates me.

Wish i could just disappear sad

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