Dh and I together for 4 years, own ds, dss and dsd.
Mostly getting there, except for dsd. Cutting a long story short...
Dh and I attend couple counseling because he grovels to dsd who rules the roost. Ds and dss (50:50) get on fine with everybody. Dsd coming back from school term abroad very soon and I asked for advice from therapist how to keep the present authentic and loving atmosphere in tact when her regular visits start (she is intensely loyal to mum, I'm not ow, she totally disrespects dh... And me).
Therapist made it VERY CLEAR, DH MUST MAN UP AND PARENT HIS DAUGHTER. He and I are a team which must be respected as the adults present, if she is rude to him or me he is to pull her up on it. As I'm clearly established in my role and can be authentic to dss I should not remain neutral to dsd, but react to her rudeness when it happens.
To avoid as much unpleasantness as possible, we are to continuously invite dsd to join us in any activities going on, including chores. She is not to be let feel "special" in a family of 5, but given to feel she is an integrated part (of course she gets time to herself for texting etc, like own teen ds, but not at mealtimes or for hours on end hogging TV and sofa).
Needless to say I feel vindicated, have always asked dh to do this, men, wtf? Dh has agreed to this (therapist made it clear that dsd needs a strong father figure, not a bff) I feel I love him again, win-win all round.
Hope this helps somebody else out there too. Never back down if you know the situation is bad and could easily be remedied.
Or as a friend once told me while I was still a student, don't let the bastards grind you down!
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Brilliant counseling advice, would like to share
9 replies
Rightsaiddeb · 07/06/2013 07:44
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